Clever One-Liners

[bgavin]

"The Liberals have trashed California and Oregon so badly, even the water is leaving."

I saw this in a news article about the CA-OR drought, worst in 127 years in the Klamath County area.

[Subdeacon Joe]

As bright eyed and bushy Tailed as a squirrel on crystal meth.

[Trailrider #896]

Many people are leaving California.  Unfortunately they may be coming to Colorado!   And they already Californicated it. 

[T.K.]

"We had a beautiful military wedding, well let just say there were guns there."

Red Skelton

[Sixgun Sheridan]

I was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger... then it hit me.

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

[Tom Bullweed]

I could agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

[Joeronimo Caffiend]

Mmmm, more "spicy" than "clever' but here is my entry:  Your sister likes it.

[Calamity Kris]

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

[Pat Riot]

“The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.” Hunter S. Thompson

[bgavin]

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

For a particularly loud guy in a guy in a nearby cube, “are you using the telephone or talking direct?”

[Kid Rich]

REALLY?!

kR

[Capt. R. Hugh Kidnme]

I'm still a big fan of OLG's signature one- liner:

 

Having you along is like losing two good men.

 

 

[Dusty Boots]

You are like the son I never wanted to have.

[bgavin]

27 minutes ago, Dusty Boots said:

You are like the son I never wanted to have.

One of my daughter's friends is a lesbian.. I tell her she's my other son.  She likes that.

[Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217]

My favorite one liners:

What greater gift than the love of a cat. Charles Dickens
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Marilyn Monroe
I would much rather be a political prisoner than a slave. Dean Garrison
If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat. Robert A. Heinlein
The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens. Heinlein
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. Benjamin Franklin
When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade without further introduction. Mark Twain
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

[LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L]

You never know if a man with an eye patch is winking at you or just blinking.

[Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663]

I've got my wife trained exactly the way she wants me.

[Kid Rich]

4 hours ago, Capt. R. Hugh Kidnme said:

I'm still a big fan of OLG's signature one- liner:

 

Having you along is like losing two good men.

 

 

Lumpy liked it so much when someone said that to him that he decided to keep it as his signature line.

kR

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

Character is doing the right thing when nobody can see you.  

[bgavin]

"No matter how thin you slice the baloney, you can still throw a brick through a plate glass window."

This came to me from an IBM'er named Davey O'Rourke.
We worked together in the '80s at Falcon AFB doing the mission support thing.

I have used his quote many times.. it is a great ice breaker or obfuscator.

[Sedalia Dave]

“You can vote yourself into socialism, but you have to shoot your way out of it”

[Hendo]

Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. 

[Waxahachie Kid #17017 L]

I may be schizophrenic....but at least I have each other.

 

 

[DeaconKC]

When I asked you "How stupid can you be?" it wasn't a challenge.

[JD Lud]

Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?" Galatians 4:16

[Major General Shagnasty]

This is the craziest planet I have ever live on.

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

I work harder in one day by accident than you do in a week on purpose.

[Trailrider #896]

12 hours ago, Waxahachie Kid #17017 L said:

I may be schizophrenic....but at least I have each other.

 

 

I always thought the Air Force should have used schizophrenics in certain areas where "No Lone Zone, Two Man Policy" was in effect. (Two persons with equal training on a task had to be within sight of each other, in places like missile launch facilities, etc.) Would have cut the number of personnel by half! 

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

22 hours ago, Kid Rich said:

Lumpy liked it so much when someone said that to him that he decided to keep it as his signature line.

kR

IIRC, I heard it in the movie, Dirty Dingus Magee

OLG 

[J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE]

It's not the worlds greatest ceiling, but it's up there.

[Sixgun Sheridan]

I'm surprised nobody has yet quoted the all-time master of one-liners and epic put-downs, "Dirty Harry" Callahan.

 

Harry: "Sergeant, do you have any kids?"

Sergeant: "Nope."

Harry: "Lucky for them...".

[irish ike, SASS #43615]

On 5/15/2021 at 6:09 PM, Trailrider #896 said:

And they already Californicated it

They moved to Nevada and made us a blue state.

[Go West]

The faster I go, the behinder I get.