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Subdeacon Joe

Thoughts on Aging

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Found on Facebook:

 

$5.37!

That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I
dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and
something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.

Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back
out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo
hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was
wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought.

I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the
counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a
word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!

What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind! "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus:

The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.

A partially eaten dough nut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien
vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue.

I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the
time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.

I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have fun laughing, too).

Notice the larger type?

That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

 


Oops, did I send this to you already?

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I'm 69 next month.

Want to arm wrestle?   I figure if you can run your truck at 85, I sure ain't gonna race you..... :lol:

 

..........Widder

 

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You are only as old and infirm as you believe. I'm an El Rey and won't be elderly until 100!!!  :D  My stupid body and brain often disagree with me but to H--- with them. I don't let them hold me back.  :angry:

 

My biggest shock came when I got a piece of cake as oldest Marine at the local Marine Corps League 144th Birthday Ball.  :rolleyes:

 

I never let reality get me down!!!  :wub:

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One of the very few benefits of admitting your age is senior discounts.  If you got it, flaunt it, then forget about it until next time you can use it.  :P

 

My nurse at the VA asked me if i was having any troubles.  I told her I may have because I'm old.  She looked at her computer and told me that 78 isn't old unless I have problems.  She then told me that most of my problems are "self inflicted" and have nothing to do with age.

 

I guess that second childhood stuff is for real because I'm pretty good.  That's when she told me that I may be good but I'm not pretty.  Oh, well.

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The weirdest thing about getting old.

 

When I went down to the eye doctor to see about cataract surgery, they had this form to fill out telling them what was wrong with me.

 

One of the questions was "what type of medication was I taking". I told them Benadryl in the spring when my hay fever was acting up, and ibuprofen when my knee hurt.

 

So they go through this form to make sure that I am not too senile to be able to fill it out. And they tell me that's not what they meant. They want to know what kind and how many prescription medications I take. I tell them none. They are shocked. "What about your insulin?" Insulin? What insulin? Whatever gave you people the idea that I was diabetic?

 

And their eyes all immediately go to my portable modular food storage unit (located just below my breastbone and just above my belt). I tell them that I am aware that I am fat, but just because I'm fat does not mean I'm diabetic.

 

But they just cannot conceive of somebody 60 years old that isn't taking multiple prescription medication daily.

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Ah me!

Getting older myself.

But it sure beats the alternative!

PS: I am thinking about changing my alias to the Cold Lake Grump though.

Edited by Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474
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13 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

I am thinking about changing my alias to the Cold Lake Grump though.

 

Might I suggest "Cold Lake Codger?"  Means about the same, but flows trippingly off the tongue, and with the first syllable of the last word echoing the starting sound of the first, somewhat alliterative. 

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Getting old starts with not having as much stamina as you used to. Then muscles and joints begin to hurt for no apparent reason. Then s--- actually starts falling apart. I'm only 50 yet already I'm in the third phase. Part of the problem lies with the fact that I haven't exercised or taken care of myself like I should have. Now that I'm single again I have no more excuse not to get out and exercise like I used to. I may not be able to stop the clock but maybe I can slow down its effects.

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(My nurse at the VA asked me if i was having any troubles.  I told her I may have because I'm old.  She looked at her computer and told me that 78 isn't old unless I have problems.  She then told me that most of my problems are "self inflicted" and have nothing to do with age.)

 

 

I just turned 78 but I don't think I ever "self inflicted" any of my problems.  But then I guess I'm just wrong...............again!

Heck, I'll just keep getting older and older, forever!  I have no intention of ever stopping!

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54 minutes ago, Sixgun Sheridan said:

Part of the problem lies with the fact that I haven't exercised or taken care of myself like I should have.

 

A large part of the problem for many of us is the stuff we did between the ages of about 15 and 35 when we were unbreakable and immortal.  Little did we know that it would be written down and the balance would come due once we hit 40 or 45.  Not due all at once, but on an escalating installment plan where the payments get bigger and bigger as we age.

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I had a cyst removed from the bottom of my foot.  The doctor and nurses I came in contact with couldn't believe I wasn't on some sort of medication.  Do I look that bad?  I'm not pretty but I'm no so ugly that I scare small children or dogs.

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Well, I guess you could say some of my ailments stem from not taking the proper care of myself, but I'm not buying into all of them.  The cancer was because I let a doctor talk me into taking some meds I shouldn't have and the autoimmune is because of the cancer.  I was extremely active and healthy until the cancer diagnosis.  If you want to do an causation analysis, I guess you could point the finger at me.  From my saddle, I'll just keep doing the best I can to keep above ground.  Fretting about the decline won't help any. 

 

P.S., yes I do take a pharmacy of meds every morning and half a pharmacy at night just to stay on this side of the dirt.  I'm OK with that.  Autoimmune disease is a b!#ch.  I don't recommend them.

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2 hours ago, Finagler 6853 Life said:

I had a cyst removed from the bottom of my foot.  The doctor and nurses I came in contact with couldn't believe I wasn't on some sort of medication.  Do I look that bad?  I'm not pretty but I'm no so ugly that I scare small children or dogs.

 

Hasn't anyone told him yet??

LaughingSmiley.gif

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The only problem with aging is that it happens so damn fast.  

 

:mellow:

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Kris,

Do not know your med issues. Have you tried biologics? Very effective against autoimmune disorders.

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Golden Years my a**.

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If I would have know I was going to live so long I would have taken better care of myself.

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31 minutes ago, Utah Bob #35998 said:

Golden Years my a**.

 

It's really the Metallic Years, because you get silver in your hair, gold in your teeth and lead in your pants.

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I just started my 65th year a few days ago, and I've noticed Father Time sneaking up MUCH faster this past year than in any previous years. :mellow:

Back hurts, hips hurt, knees hurt, ears ringing more, don't see as well, things take a lot longer to heal, tougher to climb the mountains after the elk, and it's getting harder every day to walk a mile and a half down to the mailbox and back up again. The men on this side of the family usually take the eternal dirt nap around 60 or so, and only two have ever made it to 65, so it's starting to get kind of worrisome. :mellow:

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I will never forget the shock I experienced when the young lady selling me a movie ticket asked if I'd like my Senior Discount - age 50 qualified me.  I didn't know whether to thank her or be somewhat indignant.  :) :angry:

 

Even worse is the realization that this was eighteen years ago.  :(  silly.gif

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7 hours ago, Whiskey Business said:

Kris,

Do not know your med issues. Have you tried biologics? Very effective against autoimmune disorders.

 

I am scheduled to see my rheumatologist in the near future.  I'll mention it to her.  Thanks.

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On 2/17/2020 at 3:36 PM, Sixgun Sheridan said:

Getting old starts with not having as much stamina as you used to. Then muscles and joints begin to hurt for no apparent reason. Then s--- actually starts falling apart. I'm only 50 yet already I'm in the third phase. Part of the problem lies with the fact that I haven't exercised or taken care of myself like I should have. Now that I'm single again I have no more excuse not to get out and exercise like I used to. I may not be able to stop the clock but maybe I can slow down its effects.

 

Had to have my first hip replaced at 50, other one at 55, just hit 63 last week and thankfully nothing else has fallen apart.

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I knew I was getting old the first time that some "sweet young thing" said "Excuse me Sir" but that was a long time ago now.

 

Those 43 years in construction have sure taken a toll on my body. Most of the time, the only thing that doesn't hurt or ache when I rise in the morning is my hair.

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1 hour ago, Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 said:

Sun, just be thankful you have hair.

I'm just glad that it doesn't hurt.

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21 hours ago, Utah Bob #35998 said:

Golden Years my a**.

 

I have a friend who happens to be a gerontologist ("old folks doctor").  He's the first person I ever heard use that phrase.  :mellow:

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21 hours ago, Utah Bob #35998 said:

Golden Years my a**.

It is fools gold!

The guy that said 70 is the new 50 can kiss my lilly white *SS!

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Those who die young miss out on a lot of misery. (Robert E. Howard)

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Getting old is your reward for surviving all of the stupid stuff you did when you were younger! Even if it does hurt, at least you're still here to enjoy God's creation!

 

62, 63 in a few months, and no prescription meds yet...

 

Knock on wood...

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I saw a little boy sitting on the curb and crying.

I asked him why he was crying and he said: "Because I can't do what the big boys do."

So I sat down beside him and started crying.

 

Duffield

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A few years back I was at an Air Force Police reunion and a fellow there was wearing a ball cap that said.....I'm a senior and I want my damn discount.

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A sure sign of old age is when what don't hurt won't work.  Sometimes I think of that when I have a headache.

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