Clever One-Liners

[DocWard]

23 hours ago, Hendo said:

Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. 

 

Considering how few episodes actually aired, the show has an amazing number of one liners and the like.

"Ten percent of nothin' is ... let me do the math here ... nothin' into nothin' ... carry the nothin' ... "

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

"I drink, and I know things" from the Game of Thrones.

OLG 

[Pat Riot]

“Quit blaming other states for what your state has become while you weren’t paying attention” - Me 

[Ozark Huckleberry]

He's one punch away from having enough sense to shut up.

 

I see the village idiot turned the job over to his apprentice.

 

 

[Kid Rich]

Well its time for me to take Yogi's advice "when you come to a fork in the road take it".

kR

[Hendo]

14 hours ago, DocWard said:

 

Considering how few episodes actually aired, the show has an amazing number of one liners and the like.

"Ten percent of nothin' is ... let me do the math here ... nothin' into nothin' ... carry the nothin' ... "

I've actually used Mal's line that followed that a few times. 

"Your mouth is talking. Might wanna look to that." 

[Calamity Kris]

"The only reason why some people seem to get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory"

[Raylan]

Lady Astor - Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Churchill - Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

[Raylan]

There are two kinds of people in this world, those that think there are two kinds of people and those that know better.

[Raylan]

Lets flip a coin, heads I win, tails you lose.

[Finagler 6853 Life]

I started out with nothing and have most of it left.

 

I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

[Black Angus McPherson]

17 minutes ago, Finagler 6853 Life said:

I started out with nothing and have most of it left.

 

I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

 

Reminds me of what I would occasionally say many years ago:

 

"I thought I was wrong, once, but I was mistaken.  I'm not conceited.  Conceitedness is a fault and I have no faults."  

 

Angus

[Sixgun Sheridan]

1 hour ago, Raylan said:

Lady Astor - Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Churchill - Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

 

Churchill - I'm having trouble deciding what costume to wear for the Halloween ball.

 

Lady Astor - Why don't you just go sober? Nobody will recognize you.

[Seamus McGillicuddy]

On 5/16/2021 at 3:06 PM, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

Character is doing the right thing when nobody can see you.  

Similarly: “A gentleman is someone who uses ice tongs when no one is looking.”

 

Seamus

[Tequila Shooter]

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

[Dusty Boots]

I am not responsible for what I can’t remember.

[Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L]

53 minutes ago, Dusty Boots said:

I am not responsible for what I can’t remember.

 

Not married I see. 

[Major E A Sterner #12916]

We grow too soon old and too late smart.

[Howlin Mad Murdock SASS #4037]

"...remember, no matter where you go, there you are..."
Buckaroo Banzai

 

[bgavin]

Insanity is hereditary:  you get it from your kids.

[Sedalia Dave]

 

Sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball.

[G W Wade]

In my defense, I was left unsupervised       GW

[Kid Rich]

10 hours ago, G W Wade said:

In my defense, I was left unsupervised       GW

over an extended period of time.

kR

[Hendo]

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by hummingbirds. 

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

Two lines, but....

 

If you have integrity nothing else matters.

 

If you don't have integrity nothing else matters.

                   

                                            U. S. Senator Alan K. Simpson,  Rep., Wyoming

 

It hangs on my den wall.

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

If a person can and will do the job, race, religion, national origin or sexual orientation doesn't matter. 

If a person can't or won't do the job, race, religion, national origin or sexual orientation doesn't matter. 

[Raylan]

They had to rename Chuck Norris BLVD, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives. 

[Canton Chris]

“Common sense isn’t so common”

 

“Diarrhea of the mouth, constipation of the brain”

 

”Sharp as a marble!”

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

"Common Sense" .... is a flower that does not grow in every garden.

[Calamity Kris]

"That was more fun than should be legally allowed or morally permissible."

                                                                                                          CK              

[Brazos John]

The difference between a weed and a flower is a judgement.

[flat iron mike]

You sure stand out in this crowd. You know. "Like a turd in a punchbowl".

 

 

[Go West]

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

[Ramblin Gambler]

The mighty oak was once just a nut who held his ground. 

 

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.  (this one gets lots of wide eyed looks)

 

Let me show you something I learned from a monkey in a zoo.  (this one gets a good reaction too.)

 

I told my daughter to tell any boy who flirted with her that I'm not afraid to go back to prison.  That was apparently very effective because the rumors were still going strong around the school when she graduated.  I know because one of them had the courage to ask me about it.  I told him I've learned ways to stay out of prison.  And no, I haven't been to prison yet.  They didn't need to know that though. 

 

 

 

 

[Pat Riot]

I heard this the other day on the radio and decided it may come in handy someday. Probably best used in a meeting or conference room setting. 
 

“Well, I don’t like to point fingers, but I did it!”