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I have a relatively minor low risk surgery coming up next week.  Nonetheless, I have prepared a will and a Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney.  The last thing I completed is an instruction list for my sons on where the insurance policies are, where all the vehicle titles are and how to get into the gun safes etc.  I'll be leaving it all with an attorney friend in the event anything unexpected happens. I've tried to tell my sons how I feel about them, and I think they know. But as I finalize a letter I hope they never read what else do any of you recommend I put in the final letter?

 

As to each of you-if things go bad, I want you to each know that the SASS family has been very influential in my life and I appreciate each of you-especially the ones I have picked on and insulted.

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I will say a little prayer for you, Mark.

 

Regarding the letter...you might want to make a note that you are obligated to buy drinks in the Saloon for ever and ever if things don't go as planned.

At first this might shock your family until they figure out what the Saloon is all about. :D

 

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I'm in for prayers too.

 

 

In the event something bad happens I'll have Bottles put the first week of celebrating mourning on my tab.

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It always pays to be prepared for any eventuality, but nobody should kid themselves. Death can come anytime, even to young and perfectly healthy people. Every single day you pass other people by mere inches at a combined 100 mph simply assuming they're going to keep their vehicle in their lane. I wouldn't get too worried about the surgery, as it's surely for a good reason and meant to increase your expected round count. Yes they're always a risk, but so is everything else in life.

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Hello Mark.  I applaud your desire to write this letter for your sons. It is something I’ve contemplated myself for my four children. You asked what suggestions we might have for you to put in that letter. I think my best idea would be for me to tell you what I might put in my letter were I in your shoes. 
 

I am 55 years old, and between my wife and me we have four children ages 26 through 30. At every stage I have tried to share with my kids lessons that I learned when at their age. What was life like for me as a teenager, a college student, a young adult, or newly married with a child? What thoughts could I share with them so they wouldn’t have to re-learn the mistakes that I made?

 

if I wrote the letter right now, the first several paragraphs would focus on events from my 30s, which is the phase they’d be entering. A divorce. A radical spiritual growth. Job changes and advances. Ethical challenges at work as my jobs were changing. How I looked at my job in different ways. 
 

I would tell my children to not let their children, my grandkids, rule the family schedules with 1000 extracurriculars. I would want them to be active, but children should be part of a family, not a family existing to support a child’s extracurriculars. 
 

as I wrote about my 40s, I would tell my children to be honest about their priorities and focus on what is important to them. Don’t spend a lot of time worrying about what society says they should be. Make sure they go to a lot of middle school and high school concerts and sporting events. They were some of the highlights of this stage of my life.

 

go to grad school or some sort of advanced training if they haven’t done so already. This is the time of life to stretch yourself and enjoy new challenges.

 

don’t ever forget about the spouse you have been with this far. You are setting the stage for the next phase of life, commonly called the empty nest. Don’t arrive there as strangers. Tell your teenage kids to take care of themselves for the evening and go out on a date. Get a hotel room and spend the night naked together. Your kids will understand.

 

In their 50s. My kids will be moving into children’s college life and empty nest with their spouse. Do not be afraid to let go, and to not be a helicopter parent. Invite your kids home for weekends and invite their friends. You might find that your children have become pretty neat young adults and fun to hang around with.

 

stay away from your college alumni website. It’s a narcissistic world of who has done whatwith their life and look at me. Be grateful for what you have your life and don’t compare yourself with others.
 

well, I have rambled enough about how I would write the letter. I hope it has giving you food for thought. I wish you well.

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49 minutes ago, Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 said:

Hey Mark, I just got an E-mail from up yonder. It said, pray harder, that I had a lot of ground to cover. 

What have you done, Son?  :o

 

Not nearly as much as I want!  I have been guilty of all the seven deadly sins, Not every one every day, but enough that if there is a God, she is probably disappointed in me.

 

Thanks all.  Charley I am the same age, though my two boys are 19 and 21.  I've been divorced for over 16 years.  I have always tried to teach my children what was important in life, So far they have apparently listened enough to satisfy me.  Thanks for the thoughts.

 

WB, always a pleasure-thank you.

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Have a drink with them after you get home from the hospital.  Such discussions are best in person.

 

Good luck .:)

Edited by J-BAR #18287
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Count me in on the prayers. Hope all goes well ;)

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Good luck!

 

My dad passed at 59. His brother, my uncle, at 58. Their dad, my grandfather, at 63, I think. I start my 66th year in four months, and I contemplate that mortality thing every day now.  :mellow:

 

When I pass, all I ask of my kids and grandkids is please make sure I don't vote Democrat.

Edited by Three Foot Johnson
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Prayers up for a great surgery and recovery.

 

Tell your sons to be themselves. Nobody is better suited for it than them.

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I'll keep you in my thoughts and meditations.

As for letters, I have no good advice. I've contemplated those sorts of letters to my daughters, but have never done it.

 

Maybe it is the lawyer in me, thinking of the worst, but let them know how to contact us here. But I prefer you to let us know how it goes yourself.

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Both our mom, and our dad, died suddenly and unexpectedly; mom at 74, dad a couple years later at 79. We are six children; many grandkids among us.

 

We had no unfinished business, no 'baggage' with our folks, none of us at all. Not one of us had regrets about what might have been said or left unsaid when the unexpected came; though the deaths were sudden; still, everything was always on the table. We grieved, but we did not regret.

 

 I have had many friends and acquaintances who were left with the sense that reconciliations hadn't happened, things were left unsaid, unexplained, hurts unhealed, estragements unrepaired, on and on.

 

I think a letter is not a bad idea. But living a family life like ours is good-- we were lucky and blessed, and we owe it to our parents. Six siblings, innumerable grandkids-- we've never had an estrangement at all, however short. Most often, you don't have the chance to write a letter.

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I ain’t sayin’ nothing!!

 

J. Mark is a friend.  I’m a bad example that he uses for reference!!

 

If only the good die young, he may be close to immortal!!  :o :lol:

 

He’s mostly in good hands!  That is, so long as you don’t count me!!

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OP, you have satisfied Murphy.
Same as taking a snake bite kit on a picnic, you have planned for the worst and hope for the best.

By paying this to Murphy, he won't bother you.
I wish you a speedy recovery.

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I will tell you the final line that I put in a similar letter to my son.

 

The final thing I wrote was this: Do not let anyone, or anything, come between you and your faith. Keep the faith, to the end, and that way, we will be assured that we will see each other again, some day. If I am important to you, and if you love me, you will keep the faith."

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5 hours ago, J-BAR #18287 said:

Have a drink with them after you get home from the hospital.  Such discussions are best in person.

 

Good luck .:)

 

Well, they are each 3-4 hours away at their various college, but I've seen them both in the last two weeks.  We have no issues and I have raised far finer men than I ever could have expected.

 

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts

 

Blackwater, you may want to check your welder leads for firecrackers for now on ;)

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It's an important topic. A letter is good, but can never fully convey what needs to be said. In some ways it will always be somwhat stilted and fall short.

 

Best to have it all said beforehand, in person, and, indeed, in many ways over the years. Twice I've faced this and said it in person, and to those I wasn't able to, it had already been said.

 

That said, God bless you and good outcome!

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I'll tell you what: when you get home I'll get together with you and we can work out what we need to do before the time comes.  I started my list (finally) about three weeks before my pacemaker implant surgery.  I'm almost 79 years old and suddenly feeling mortal.

 

I've added my prayers and best wished to the others.

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19 hours ago, Three Foot Johnson said:

Good luck!

 

My dad passed at 59. His brother, my uncle, at 58. Their dad, my grandfather, at 63, I think. I start my 66th year in four months, and I contemplate that mortality thing every day now.  :mellow:

 

When I pass, all I ask of my kids and grandkids is please make sure I don't vote Democrat.

 My dad passed at 62, his dad at 63-my uncle was nearly 80 when he passed though and my maternal grandfather was 72 or 73.  The women in the family live well into their 90's So I can relate.

 

As to not allowing my corpse to vote democrat . . . I may have to add that to the letter :)

 

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I do understand the concerns and steps taken to make it less hard for your family. 

Yet I truly believe you will come out of this healthier and stronger. And since you may be laid up a bit, more time to post in the Saloon!

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