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Tennessee williams

A few I keep handy

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   I keep a few good insults handy for when Widder or people at work act up. Do yall have some on stand by?

 

I aint saying you're stupid, you just have bad luck when you're thinking.

 

You got so much hair, when you walk your dog, folks pet you first.

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

 

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

 

Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is on overtime.

 

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I see your reality check bounced.

 

You ever consider thinking?

 

You're not useless.   You make a perfectly good horrible example. 

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You might have the desire to understand what I’m telling you but you don’t have the ability to understand what I’m telling you.

If I wanted to hear you bitch I would have married you.

 

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18 minutes ago, Tennessee williams said:

 

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

 

I'm stealing that one.

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Did your folks have any kids that lived??

 

 I see you left your brain at home!!

 

Are you under a doctor’s care???

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Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?

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Did you  eat  a lot  of  paint  chips  as a  kid ? 

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I understand you and the Bunkhouse Boss have been married 30 years.

She told me its the best 4 years of her life.

 

..........Widder

 

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_____ You and the horse you rode in on.

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Posted (edited)

I was angry yesterday and came up with one out of the blue that will be added to my repertoire.

 

"He couldn't find his [rear end] with both hands if you spotted him the first hand."

 

Others include:

"Why are you wasting my oxygen?" along with a few variations.

"You're not the brightest bowling ball in the tool shed, are you?"

"If you were any dumber, they wouldn't feed you, they'd fertilize you."

"Do us all a favor and just stop talking.

 

 

Edited by DocWard
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Does it tingle before you do something stupid or just whosh over you?

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If I had known this was gonna be a test I would have recorded all the ones said to me.

 

Imis

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Were your parents related?

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My favorite is by the Original Lumpy Grits who is absent here for some reason.

 

'Having you along is like losing two good men!'

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Are you naturally this stupid or do you practice?

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1 hour ago, Hashknife Cowboy said:

Were your parents related?

Yeah, first cousins, but there's nothing wrong with me with me with me with me......

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I told a woman in a parking lot that just because she was blond didn't mean there was law saying she had to be stupid.

 

She just looked at me and said, "Huh?"

 

Some people are great ads for retroactive birth control.  A surprising number are elected officials.

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I have a special reply to obvious lines of BS!!

 

”Yeah!! And my @$$ is a Chinese typewriter!!”

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One I use on Widder quite regularly is "If you were any slower you'd need watering"!

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24 minutes ago, Tennessee williams said:

One I use on Widder quite regularly is "If you were any slower you'd need watering"!

 

When a feller has to pick on me just to make hisowndangself look better, then he is already in a bad way.

 

..........Widder

 

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Posted (edited)

I used to have a fairly decent library of “put downs” and insults, but I seem to have resorted to one word insults over time, like; Morons, Idiots, Dumbasses, Bureaucrats, Pinheads, Knuckleheads, etc...

One word works, besides, they aren’t smart enough to retain any more than 3 syllables, tops! Calling “them” Mouth-breathers is about all they can handle. And don’t ever mention the word “syllables” around these folks. If they find out what it means they get really P.O.’d. It’s because they try to count syllables and listen at he same time...Bless their hearts. Drives ‘em nuts!

Poor dumb bastages...

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Pat Riot, SASS #13748
Duh...
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When I was in the Navy I used quite a few since I was usually dealing with younger, junior folks.  Like:

 

Use that lump of $h1t 3 feet above your a$$ for something besides holding your hat.

 

If they started with "Hey..."  I'd quickly say Hay is the first step of horse$h1t, you want to continue this conversation.

 

Did you swallow your chemistry set as a kid.

 

Your a poster child for birth control. 

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2 hours ago, Widder, SASS #59054 said:

 

When a feller has to pick on me just to make hisowndangself look better, then he is already in a bad way.

 

..........Widder

 

We're not picking ON you Widder. We are picking WITH you.

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48 minutes ago, Tennessee williams said:

We're not picking ON you Widder. We are picking WITH you.

 

But I'm a nice guy.   One who sits quietly at the keyboard and spreads compliments and good tidings to all my Wire Pards.

 

I'm even nice to all the lame brain knuckle headed idiots who never heed my advice..... :D

 

..........Widder

 

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Curiously  asking a person I don't have much time for...

So how tall are you anyway..they answer with their height  6'5'' or whatever it may be , why they ask ?

Oh I didn't know they stacked s##t that high !

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Dumber than a steel wheeled rake.

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You flunked kindergarten, didn't you.

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1 hour ago, Smoken D said:

You flunked kindergarten, didn't you.

 

She was valedictorian in a class of ONE.

 

..........WIdder

 

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I gained so much weight during the quarantine, I walked in front of the TV and my wife missed 2 episodes of Andy Griffith.

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