Things that make no sense but you understand them.

[sassnetguy50]

34 minutes ago, DocWard said:

"Ain't got the common sense God gave a crowbar."

 

"Dumber than a sack (or poke) full of hammers"

 

Then there's "Tarnation." Now, I've never been sure what, or where, tarnation is. Or maybe it's neither, It could be an action?

 

"What in Tarnation were you thinking?"

 

"How in Tarnation did you do that?"

 

And while I'm thinking of it, why was Jehoshaphat Jumping?

We were taught tarnation was to be cursed to hell, like damnation.    Jehosephat was supposedly how Jesus is said in another language, I never asked why he was jumping.

 

To door to door salesmen: she needs that like she needs another hole in the head.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

"If brains were dynamite, he still couldn't blow his nose!"

[Alpo]

4 hours ago, sassnetguy50 said:

Jehosephat was supposedly how Jesus is said in another language, I never asked why he was jumping.

Probably the same reason he was on a crutch or a bicycle.

Christ on a crutch

Christ on a bicycle

[John Kloehr]

8 hours ago, sassnetguy50 said:

We were taught tarnation was to be cursed to hell, like damnation.    Jehosephat was supposedly how Jesus is said in another language, I never asked why he was jumping.

 

To door to door salesmen: she needs that like she needs another hole in the head.

Pretty much this. Origin of tarnation:

 

https://www.etymonline.com/word/tarnation#:~:text=tarnation (n.),God) (see eternal).

[Sedalia Dave]

Sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball

[Blackwater 53393]

“Bright as a cave!”

[Yul Lose]

You’d lose your head if it wasn’t screwed on.

[Cheatin Charlie]

A horse that sh*ts fast does not sh*t long!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381]

That's better than snuff and not half as dusty.

[Yul Lose]

Don’t like school? That’s fine the world is always going to need ditch diggers and pole dancers.

[One Gun Jimmy]

"Well sh*t fire and save matches"

[Texas Joker]

Like a goose: wakes up in a new world every day.

[sassnetguy50]

A former boss gave the same response when people called in sick

The flu doesn't come in a brown bottle,  get your sss to work.

[Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L]

"They have a one track mind and it's off track!"

[Rip Snorter]

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  Who wants flies?  And factually, vinegar is far better for fruit flies.

[Yul Lose]

Are you sick or is it the whiskey flu?

[Moonshine 20515]

Plain asa diamond ina goats a$$

 

Yer gonna hum lika a 10 penny finishin nail hit with a greasy ball pean hammer.

[Pulp, SASS#28319]

If intelligence was fatal you’d live a LOONNNNNGGGGG time.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

As about as funny as a rubber crutch.

[Cowboy Small]

I can explain the "faster than $**t through a goose" thing 

 

Ducks and geese do not have a sphincter muscle...so as soon as something goes in,  something will come out. 

 

There ya go....whatever that means. 

 

CS 

[PaleWolf Brunelle, #2495L]

[Oak Ridge Regulator]

When referring to splitting wood the old fashion way by hand my grandfather used to say “ you split a tree from the top and a woman from the bottom” of course my grandmother never heard him say that !

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

that boy , can break an anvil with a pin feather 

 

[Blackwater 53393]

Makes more racket than two tomcats with their tails tied together and throwed over a clothesline!

 

Meaner ‘n a burlap bag full of rattlesnakes!

 

Madder ‘n a she cat with her tail tied in a knot!

 

Stinks like a pissed off polecat in an outhouse!

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

Almost as bright as a 1 watt light bulb.

[One Gun Jimmy]

Always heard "fighting like cats and dogs"

 

My pair have proven that to mean not fighting very much at all haha

[Rip Snorter]

1 minute ago, One Gun Jimmy said:

Always heard "fighting like cats and dogs"

 

My pair have proven that to mean not fighting very much at all haha

Where I grew up, "raining cats & dogs".

[Tex Wilson]

He doesn't have sense enough to pour piss out of a boot.

[Blackwater 53393]

16 minutes ago, Tex Wilson said:

He doesn't have sense enough to pour piss out of a boot.

…with the instructions on the heel!!  

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

On 5/27/2023 at 10:29 AM, Moonshine 20515 said:

Plain asa diamond ina goats a$$

 

Yer gonna hum lika a 10 penny finishin nail hit with a greasy ball pean hammer.

My bunk mate in 'Nam, an Arkansawyer:  "Here we are in sunny South Vietnam, paradise of the far east, a vacation paradise, sparkling in the sun and shining like a diamond in a goat's a$$."  I never heard it before nor again until now.

[Eyesa Horg]

"He's missing a couple dots on his dice"

 

"He's traveling with an empty sea bag"

 

"You're nothing but an anchor"

 

" Not the brightest bulb on the tree"

      or

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"

 

" Those two, don't hitch horses well together"

 

 

 

 

[John Kloehr]

You can always tell a donkey, but you can't tell him much.

[Eyesa Horg]

If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about. 

[JD Lud]

Where the hoot owls screw the chickens…

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

so far back in the sticks , ya gotta pipe in sunlight