One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 (edited) I love and get a kick out of country sayings ....and somehow I believe this group can put quite a list together... "That boys usless as teats on a doorknob" "Makes bout as much sense as a screen door on a submarine" "Yea, well, if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass on the ground" Edited May 26 by One Gun Jimmy 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Teats on a bull is the way I heerd it 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Or a boar hog The door knob thing is "slicker than snot on a doorknob". 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bart Slade Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Hear from one of my childhood friend's grandad: "That's about as useless as a two peckered owl" "you need to do that 'bout as much as you need another ass-hole" 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 "Boy I'll knock your teeth down your throat, won't know if your spit'n or sh*t'n" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rye Miles #13621 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Makes about as much sense as teets on a bull! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 Heard one the other day said "If she had as many sticking out as she's had in her, she'd be a porcupine." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas Lizard Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 21 minutes ago, Alpo said: Or a boar hog That is what I said to my window washer....When she asked what did I think of our VP....She almost fell off the latter.... Texas Lizard 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 " luck so bad, I could fall in a barrel of ti**ies and still come out sucking my thumb" 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 "... knows as much as a [sun]dial in the dark." --- Mark Twain 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 That one’s dumber than a grubbin’ hoe! You ain’t the sharpest tool in the drawer! That youngn’s bread ain’t done! That kid’s uglier than a mud fence daubed with tadpoles! Older than dirt! Slicker’n owl $#!+ Rattlin’ like a BB in a boxcar! Knockin’ like a thrashin’ machine!! Working like a rented mule! Grinning like a jackass eating saw briars! This was my dad’s favorite! “You’re just like a damned billygoat! Ya’ got a hard head and a stinkin’ ass!” 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Rode hard, put away wet. Dumb as a box of rocks. So full of S**t his eyes turned brown. Crazy as an outhouse rat. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of Rockin’ chairs! If you put his brains in a billygoat’s head, he’d butt with his ass!! 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 8 minutes ago, Blackwater 53393 said: Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of Rockin’ chairs! My grandma's favorite 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Busy as a one armed wallpaper hanger. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Shakin’ like a dog s#itin’ peach seeds!! Busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin’ contest! 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 1 minute ago, Rip Snorter said: Busy as a one armed wallpaper hanger. More frustrated than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 An oldie - If I had a dog with a face as ugly as yours, I'd shave its butt and train it to walk backward. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 “If yore brains was gasoline, it wouldn’t run a pissant’s motorcycle around a bread crumb!” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Fingers, SASS#56813 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 It was always fun being around my grandfather. Here are a few of the tamer ones. Quicker than a duck on a June bug faster than $h!t through a goose keep walking till your hat floats. sweating like a whore in church slicker than goose $h!t on a pie tin 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 Tell you something mom always said Not a saying really but "well, your just $hit outta luck huh" I know what it means...but what the hell does that mean. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 My dad would always say, when something was hot, " hotter than Billy B. Damned" which would also make a good alias. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot, SASS #13748 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 “Boy, I’ll bet the brain in your head looks like a BB in a boxcar” My Dad’s favorite insult on me. I won’t print my response…mumbled under my breath…when I was sure he couldn’t hear. Something my mom used to say: “You ain’t got a lick of sense” My 7th grade PE teacher loved saying this: ”I will slap you to sleep” Just in general: ”That boy is so ugly he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water.” “Your mother wears combat boots!” ”Your mama’s so fat she caused an eclipse” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 Boy, you mess with me, hit you on the top of the head so hard it'll break your ankle! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBelle Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 We are all going to die one day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 1 minute ago, BigBelle said: We are all going to die one day. I heard my grandad say when he was on the downside... Ow hell, no big deal, I been dieing my whole life 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBelle Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 (edited) 3 minutes ago, One Gun Jimmy said: I heard my grandad say when he was on the downside... Ow hell, no big deal, I been dieing my whole life We start dying as soon as we are born. some just quicker than the others. Edited May 27 by BigBelle 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 “If you roll your brain down a razor blade, it’d look like a BB rolling down an eight lane highway!!” ”The porch light’s on, but ain’t nobody home!” ”That one ain’t got walkin’ around sense!” 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 Dumber'n a fence post That boy's lost his hushpuppies 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Gun Jimmy Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 Mom- "I think his friend might be gay" Dad- "Gee you think? Hell, If that boy was any sweeter he'd give us all diabetes.: 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rye Miles #13621 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top! He’s one fry short of a Happy Meal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 3 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Teats on a bull is the way I heerd it My dad taught me that it was tits on a chicken/ 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 As practical and a barbed wire jock strap. I need that like I need the mumps. So dumb he couldn't pee a hole in a snow bank. Educated well beyond his intelligence. If she keeps shaking that she'll throw her back out. He makes me believe in reincarnation. In some former life he was part of a horse. She's so busy being a good (enter your favorite religion here) that she doesn't have time to be a good person. About as sharp as a snow cone. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 "Ain't got the common sense God gave a crowbar." "Dumber than a sack (or poke) full of hammers" Then there's "Tarnation." Now, I've never been sure what, or where, tarnation is. Or maybe it's neither, It could be an action? "What in Tarnation were you thinking?" "How in Tarnation did you do that?" And while I'm thinking of it, why was Jehoshaphat Jumping? 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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