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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe
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Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him:

"Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard Bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said. "We will get you a better bed."

The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may say another two words Brother John."

"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I Quit." said Brother John.

"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest. "All you have done since you got here is complain

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Boudreaux was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is way overdrawn, and your loan's are overdue." "Yeh, I know." said Boudreaux. "It's my wife, Marie. She's out of control." The banker asked Boudreaux, "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" "Mais, to tell de truth, Mr. Banker," replied Boudreaux with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue wid you than wid her !"

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Boudreaux had received a summons to appear for jury duty. The judge was doing his preliminary interview of the prospective jurors, and asked them, "Is there any reason any of you could not serve as a juror in this case?" Boudreaux raised his hand and when the judge acknowledged him said, " Mais, I can't serve, Judge. I don't wants to be away from my job dat long." The judge asked him, "Can't they do without you at work?" Boudreaux answered, "Yeh, Judge, dey can do widdout me, but I jus' don't wants dem to know it."

 

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1 hour ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

Looks like she forgot the head piece to her Halloween costume. :D

No mask could be scarier than her actual face.  :D

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10 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

Duster Haut Coteur (1).jpg

 

 

I'm guessing that the scowl on her face is because she can't fit through this door .....   :mellow:

 

 

17 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

Thin Door Super models .jpg

 

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After a day fishing at a lake near his house, Boudreaux is walking home carrying two big ol' fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. Naturally Boudreaux doesn't have one. He says to the warden, "I didn't catch dese fishes, dey are my pets. Every day I come down to de lake and dey jump out de bucket and I let dem swim for awhile, an' when I whistles, dey jumps back in de bucket so we can go home." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. Boudreaux turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me den watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." Boudreax turns to the warden and says with a smile, "What fish?"

 

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joke from WWII:

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’re Italian.

If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they’re Russian.

If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they’re Japanese.

If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.

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A 5-year-old boy visited his grandmother one clay.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma later turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

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I guess they had to rewrite that joke when they started putting ketchup in plastic squeeze bottles.

 

Mama is in the kitchen trying to get some ketchup on the meatloaf. So she's banging on the bottom of the bottle. All y'all old folks - y'all remember doing that, right?

 

Doorbell rings and Little Tommy goes to the door, and it's the preacher. He asked if Tommy's Mama is home.

 

"She's out in the kitchen belting the bottle."

Edited by Alpo
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I'm wondering if we can get a similar law passed here in Canada?Georgia Law Check for Voters Pulse.jpg

Edited by Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474
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