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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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20 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

So, how many nuts are you being ruled by? :ph34r:

 

 

 

 

:P


Am I s’posed to count Schoolmarm??

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A farmer is sitting in his local pub.

His mate from the neighbouring farm walks in and says, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day having drink after drink?”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” says the farmer.

“What happened that’s so horrible?”

“Well, if you must know, I was sitting by my cow milking her this morning and just as I got the bucket about full she took her left leg and kicked it over.”

“That’s not so bad. What’s the big deal?”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer says again.

“Then what happened?”

“I took her left leg and tied it to the post with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket almost full for the second time, she took her right leg and kicked it over,” the farmer explains.

“Again? Then what did you do?”

“I took her right leg and tied it to the right post. Then I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty upset,” the neighbour replies.

“Some things you just can’t explain.”

“What did you do then?”

“Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment my pants fell down and my wife walked in.”

main-qimg-2ea19f0331de02393c351c63acb049ca
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6 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

A farmer is sitting in his local pub.

His mate from the neighbouring farm walks in and says, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day having drink after drink?”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” says the farmer.

“What happened that’s so horrible?”

“Well, if you must know, I was sitting by my cow milking her this morning and just as I got the bucket about full she took her left leg and kicked it over.”

“That’s not so bad. What’s the big deal?”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer says again.

“Then what happened?”

“I took her left leg and tied it to the post with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket almost full for the second time, she took her right leg and kicked it over,” the farmer explains.

“Again? Then what did you do?”

“I took her right leg and tied it to the right post. Then I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty upset,” the neighbour replies.

“Some things you just can’t explain.”

“What did you do then?”

“Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment my pants fell down and my wife walked in.”

main-qimg-2ea19f0331de02393c351c63acb049ca

 

   WOW!!!!!!     3 almost buckets of milk .......... ?

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The time has come for St. Peter's annual three-week vacation, and Jesus volunteers to fill in for him at the Pearly Gates.

"It's no big deal," St. Peter explains. "Sit at the registration desk, and ask each person a little about his or her life. Then send them on to housekeeping to pick up their wings."

On the third day, Jesus looks up to see a bewildered old man standing in front of him.

"I'm a simple carpenter," says the man. "And once I had a son. He was born in a very special way, and was unlike anyone else in this world. He went through a great transformation even though he had holes in his hands and feet. He was taken from me a long time ago, but his spirit lives on forever. All over the world people tell his story."

By this time, Jesus is standing with his arms outstretched. There are tears in his eyes, and he embraces the old man.

"Father," he cries out, "It's been so long!"

The old man squints, stares for a moment, and says,

"Pinocchio?"

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10 hours ago, Alpo said:

I've had dogs all my life, and I cannot imagine any of my dogs sitting there while the food was being made in front of him like this.

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cx_GYpqy6c2/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

About three or four times what my Australian shepherds get, though mine are fed twice a day. :o

Might explain why those corgis are a little “chubby”

Regards

:FlagAm:  :FlagAm:  :FlagAm:
Gateway Kid

PS mine will wait like that though not at the counter 

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10 minutes ago, Phantom Falcon, SASS # 46139 said:

I'm missing something. What's the big deal about 10mm sockets?

 

PF

They disappear. The end up somewhere between where they fell off the socket wrench and the ground. They almost never hit the ground when dropped over an engine bay.

 

Most who have done enough auto repair have more than a handful of socket sets, none of which have 10mm sockets. Well, the most recent set has one but not the older sets.

 

Every (rarely) now and then, one of us finds a 10mm socket wedged into some crevice or frame cavity, but this will only lead to the loss of the newest shiniest 10mm socket. It might even be a law of physics, research is not yet conclusive on this point.

 

But there are clues in Heisenberg's uncertainty theories and loss of 10mm sockets clearly violates the Bell Inequality.

 

That is the deal big with 10mm sockets. 1/2" sockets don't even come close from a historical standpoint.

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Him:  Your hair looks different.. 
 

Her: Thank you. I just had it done.

 

Him:  Can I feel it?

 

Her:  Yes you can.

 

Him:  He starts feeling her upper lip.

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1 hour ago, Phantom Falcon, SASS # 46139 said:

I'm missing something. What's the big deal about 10mm sockets?

 

PF

 

58 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

They disappear. The end up somewhere between where they fell off the socket wrench and the ground. They almost never hit the ground when dropped over an engine bay.

 

Most who have done enough auto repair have more than a handful of socket sets, none of which have 10mm sockets. Well, the most recent set has one but not the older sets.

 

Every (rarely) now and then, one of us finds a 10mm socket wedged into some crevice or frame cavity, but this will only lead to the loss of the newest shiniest 10mm socket. It might even be a law of physics, research is not yet conclusive on this point.

 

But there are clues in Heisenberg's uncertainty theories and loss of 10mm sockets clearly violates the Bell Inequality.

 

That is the deal big with 10mm sockets. 1/2" sockets don't even come close from a historical standpoint.

It seems that MANY of the smaller nuts and bolts on cars these days require a 10mm socket. Most times you can't even start a project without one. They get used a LOT, so they get lost a lot. As a bonus, they are small enough to lodge in places that you can't get to. Amazon and ebay even have sets of the things on them.

61ArOVjYndL._AC_SL1500_.jpg

https://www.amazon.com/CASOMAN-10Piece-Impact-Socket-Shallow/dp/B0B9947T61/ref=sr_1_5?crid=74MEHLZKUB6D&keywords=10mm+socket+set&qid=1696810429&sprefix=10mm+socket%2Caps%2C158&sr=8-5

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1 hour ago, Matthew Duncan said:

Him:  Your hair looks different.. 
 

Her: Thank you. I just had it done.

 

Him:  Can I feel it?

 

Her:  Yes you can.

 

Him:  He starts feeling her upper lip.

And the fight was on!

 

Sam Sackett 

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Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.

"Two dogs, please," she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.

Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

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So an Italian guy comes to the U.S., all legit, and has a job in a business where Italian is fine.  He is a single guy so has to eat most meals out at diners or small food shops.  He is working on his English, but puts in long hours at work.  Goes to a friend and asks for enough English to order food.  Friend says, "Easy, Apple Pie and Coffee".  Time passes, and he runs into the friend again.  The guy looks awful.  Tells his friend his tale of woe needing more.  The friend says "Ham Sandwich".  Guy goes to his usual place and orders. "Ham Sandwich!"  The counter man says "White or Rye,"  Response, with a groan, "Apple Pie and Coffee">

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