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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

Subdeacon Joe

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So an Italian guy comes to the U.S., all legit, and has a job in a business where Italian is fine.  He is a single guy so has to eat most meals out at diners or small food shops.  He is working on his English, but puts in long hours at work.  Goes to a friend and asks for enough English to order food.  Friend says, "Easy, Apple Pie and Coffee".  Time passes, and he runs into the friend again.  The guy looks awful.  Tells his friend his tale of woe needing more.  The friend says "Ham Sandwich".  Guy goes to his usual place and orders. "Ham Sandwich!"  The counter man says "White or Rye,"  Response, with a groan, "Apple Pie and Coffee">

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7 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

I'm fluent in profanity because I work with computers.


I wonder what that makes me. I am a former Sailor and I work with *^%$#*@ computers. :P

Edited by Sedalia Dave
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I love this story:
When Yogi Berra would run into Rachel Robinson, and this was true pretty much to the end of Yogi’s life, they would always exchange two words.
“Safe,” Rachel would say.
“Out,” Yogi would say.
And then the two would smile and they would embrace.
Joe Posnanski


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Costco fail


I can not shop at Costco anymore :-)))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had an elephant?So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!



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