It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cj2yYeQjY7b/?igshid=NjIwNzIyMDk2Mg==

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Two Louisiana alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids ... I just don't get it."

"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

"Hmmmm. Well, where do you catch'em?"

"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

"Same here. Hmmmm. How do you catch'em?"

"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[sassnetguy50]

1 hour ago, Mercy Me said:

That picture is a fake.  They are actually best friends and share dinner on Fridays.

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

13 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

 

 

   ............... apparently, according to HR, it is .........  

[Alpo]

[Blackwater 53393]

I got into trouble at my last place of employment for whistling that tune every time a certain Vice President came into our work area.

 

I subsequently changed my tune to “The Baby Elephant Walk” from the movie Hatari!

 

He NEVER DID figure that one out!!

 

I really didn’t/don’t like the guy!  
 

 

(SEE THE NEXT POST!!)

 

 

 

Edited October 4, 2023 by Blackwater 53393

[Blackwater 53393]

18 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

Yeah! I’m a bad boy!! (See previous post!)

 

 

Edited October 4, 2023 by Blackwater 53393

[Alpo]

[Brazos John]

1 hour ago, Mercy Me said:

American Pizza!  

Japanese oven.  

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally , it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age ,the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because they had never been there before.

[Subdeacon Joe]

and who says X isn't useful. found this on X

An Englishman and an Irishman happen to walk into a bakery at the same time. The Irishman sees the Englishman slip three large biscuits [cookies] into his pocket while the baker’s back is turned and then leave. 

The Irishman follows him into the street and says, “That was some fine finger work in there, but I’ll wager a pound that I can get the baker to give me three of those same biscuits for free.” The Englishman scoffs and says, “You’re on.”

The two walk back into the bakery, and the Irishman tells the baker, “I’m going to show you the best magic trick you’ve ever seen.” The baker is dubious, but the Irishman says, “Just trust me on this. Here, I’ll lay some money here on the counter in case it doesn’t work. Ok, give me one of those biscuits there.” The baker does; the Irishman examines it closely, then pops the whole thing in his mouth, chews it up, and swallows it. 

The Irishman says, “Another one.” The baker looks at the cash, shrugs, and gives him another biscuit. The Irishman breaks it in half, examines it, then eats it.

The Irishman says, “OK, just one more.” He holds the biscuit up to the light, looks closely at it, then eats it with a series of little bites.

The baker frowns and says, “Well, what’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman says, “Check the Englishman’s pockets,” scoops his money from the countertop, and heads for the door.

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister.

She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

Not aware that 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "£250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "I'll tell."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "£750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "£1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said:

“All right! All you dummies fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.

I smiled and said:

“Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”

[Subdeacon Joe]

Admit it, you heard that last one in the archbishop's voice.