It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

15 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

 ..... they're on the shelf next to the 710 caps .........  

[Texas Joker]

5 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

By the nut between the steering wheel and seat

[John Kloehr]

6 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Customer needs to be treated politely, like a true 1D10T.

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

ya sell him a 25 , tell him to put it in upside down 

 

 the inverse install will make it work properly 

 

  CB   

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now. As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!

So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for.

The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[MizPete]

All you gotta do is threaten to throw up if they drop a wingtip.  Ask me how I know.

OK, this might work better in a smaller aircraft, but still.....

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

23 hours ago, Alpo said:

Fun fact, the UP was part of Wisconsin originally, but was given to Michigan as a consolation prize  for losing Toledo to Ohio. Michigan came out ahead.

 

Edited October 14, 2023 by Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

Is the dog using a spoon to fight the lobster, or is the lobster using a spoon to fight the dog?

 

Or are they playing tug of war?

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

OK, You caught me out!

Actually, they are as close to being litter mates as you could ever imagine, often eating out of the same bowl at the same time. They even curl up together at night.

Trust me. I wouldn't lie. I'm a Liberal.

Anyway, here's a duck by way of saying SORRY!

 

Edited October 15, 2023 by Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Mel Brooks’ instruction to his writers for Blazing Saddles, 

 

“Don’t write a polite script.”

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

An American tourist was traveling through Great Britain and stopped in a pub where several chubby girls were having drinks, talking and laughing. Intrigued by an accent he’d not heard before he asked innocently “Excuse me but are you girls from Scotland?” One of them, clearly annoyed responded “No, you’re wrong, it’s Wales”. A bit nonplussed at her hostile attitude he try’s to correct himself, “I’m sorry, I should have asked if you whales are from Scotland”. He should be released from hospital in a few weeks

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

wo Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."

Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater."

Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar.

He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?"

Bubba says, "I'll show you.

Do you have a weed-eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."

[Alpo]