It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

2 minutes ago, Eyesa Horg said:

Pretty fine suitcase!

There is a suitcase?!?

[Sam Sackett]

Welllllll……. A case anyway………

 

Sam Sackett 

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

Just Imagine:

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Alpo]

 

 

[Sedalia Dave]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Chantry]

22 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

 

The difference is that I could DO something with the Oreo.

I'd rather look at the girl.  Eating the Oreo is just going to make me fatter

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

1 hour ago, Chantry said:

I'd rather look at the girl.  Eating the Oreo is just going to make me fatter

I'm already fat. That's why the girl wouldn't have anything to do with me. I might as well get the pleasure out of eating the Oreo.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

 A kindergarten teacher addresses her pupils on the first day of class, explaining where everything is in the school and the classroom was and what they were going to do, etc. Included were the directions to the restrooms, which were just down the hall.

One little boy raised his hand and said that he needed to go to the bathroom. The teacher excused him and he walked out into the hallway. Several minutes later, he came back, saying “I couldn’t find it.” The teacher went out into the hallway and pointed to where the boys room was. The boy began walking toward the boy’s room and the teacher went back to teaching the class. The boy returned and said that he still couldn’t find it. The teacher then appointed a guide who said he knew where it was and the two boys walked out the door. They came back a while later. The guide said “We finally found it. He had his pants on backwards.”

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

After 50 years of marriage, I once looked carefully at my wife and said, "50 years ago, we had a small apartment, an old car, we slept on the couch watching old black and white TV, but every night I lay in the same bed with a beautiful 19-year-old" by a girl. Now I have a huge expensive house, a lot of expensive cars, a huge bed in a deluxe bedroom, a wide-angle TV, but I sleep in the same bed with a 69-year-old woman. I'm starting to doubt my marriage.

My wife is a very smart woman. She wasn't offended or cussed. Just the other way around. She suggested that I find a 19-year-old girl and she will personally make sure that I live again in a small apartment, sleep on a reclining couch, and watch black and white TV.

Well, aren't these women amazing? They really know how to solve all their husband's problems!"

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Sedalia Dave]

3 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

 

Boy do we wish. Need about a million gators and a hundred million Piranha.

[DeaconKC]

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

80, but still appreciative! 

[DeaconKC]

[Blackwater 53393]

There’s two cats somewhere who died one time and got a rude surprise!!

 

If I get killed a couple more times, there’ll be another cat that got gypped!!

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A rookie cop was involved in a shooting. A witness was being interviewed and said, “ it sounded like he said ‘front sight’. “

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Hillbilly Moms Letter

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.

We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.

One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.

The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

Not much more news this time.

Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Mom

P.S. - I was going to send you some spending money, but I had already sealed the envelope and mailed it

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[sassnetguy50]

5 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

And now she's pissed I didn't say "thank you" for doing something I didn't want done.

[Alpo]

[Blackwater 53393]

They’re both figments of the imagination of Falfa!!

 

 

 

Edited February 6, 2024 by Blackwater 53393

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

Posted this in the mouse trap thread, but thought it might belong here also.

 

 

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with rats.

 

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their rats. After much prayer and consideration, they determined the rats were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

 

At the Baptist church the rats had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the rats drown themselves. The rats liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many rats showed up the following week.

 

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their rats and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the rats were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

 

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the rats and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

 

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught one rat and circumcised him. They haven’t seen one since …