Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 3 hours ago, Alpo said: R&R bottle? Rich and Rare Canadian whiskey? If that's not it I'm completely confused. Never heard of it! (And I wouldn't touch that with an 11 foot pole!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 18 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Never heard of it! (And I wouldn't touch that with an 11 foot pole!) https://www.sazerac.com/our-brands/sazerac-brands/rich-rare-reserve.html https://www.drinkhacker.com/2011/10/23/review-rich-rare-reserve-blended-canadian-whisky/ Apparently it's a cheap Canadian that's actually bottled here in the states. The second link is a price, but that link is 12 years old, so the price is kind of out of date. I found a liquor store in Jacksonville Florida that is selling it for $13 a fifth. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 12 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: ALASKA STATE TROOPER In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 AM one vey cold morning, ALASKA STATE TROOPERS responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside of Fairbanks. He located the car, stuck in deep snow and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the trooper walked to the driver’s door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty R&R bottle on the seat beside him. The driver came awake when the trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the state trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. The car’s speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 MPH, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. The State Trooper, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the trooper yelled, “PULL OVER!” The man nodded, turned his wheel and stopped the engine. Needless to say, the man from Alaska was arrested and is probably still shaking his head over the state trooper in Alaska who could run 50 miles per hour. Who says troopers don’t have a sense of humor? That's excellent, I like it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 I saw a fella on TV the other day, his name was Kermit. Is that a real name? Yes, Irish or Manx, means Free man. It used to be a popular boy’s name (top 500) but thanks to Sesame Street, it’s seldom used now along with Elmo and Grover. I guess that also leaves out Snaufleupagus, Cookie Monster, and Big Bird. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 9 hours ago, Alpo said: https://www.sazerac.com/our-brands/sazerac-brands/rich-rare-reserve.html https://www.drinkhacker.com/2011/10/23/review-rich-rare-reserve-blended-canadian-whisky/ Apparently it's a cheap Canadian that's actually bottled here in the states. The second link is a price, but that link is 12 years old, so the price is kind of out of date. I found a liquor store in Jacksonville Florida that is selling it for $13 a fifth. It might make emergency radiator fluid, if you had nothing else available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 3 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: It might make emergency radiator fluid, if you had nothing else available. Nope. Emergency FUEL! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 1 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 In class, one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither‘. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 Before anyone asks, he obviously used a fake Italic accent. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 I saw that in a movie. The girl is trying to get the point across to the college professor that she will do anything to pass tomorrow's test. He asked her if she would be alone that night, and she said that she would, that her roommate had gone out of town. He told her "good - there should be nothing to disturb you when you study". 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 I was a teaching assistant when a coed said she’d do anything to get a good grade. I don’t recall what grade she got. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) My county has started giving alerts about this and that and the other thing. They will call me and tell me that there's a severe wind coming, or that there's a hard freeze coming, or that it's going to be extremely hot and if I don't have an air conditioner I can come down to the fairgrounds where they have cooling rooms set up. They texted me a little while ago to tell me that there was a large accident at the intersection of highway 231 and Cherokee road. I was supposed to text yes back, so they knew that I had received the message. And I didn't. So they called me. They want to make sure that everybody knows these things. The computer generated voice on the telephone told me that there was a traffic accident at the intersection of highway two hundred and thirty one. Not 231 (two thirty one), which is the name of the road. Two hundred and thirty one. Computer - that's a mechanical brain, right? Edited February 14 by Alpo added some clarification 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 A priest and a rabbi go into a bar and sit down for a beer and a nice collegial chat. After a while, the conversation goes like this: “Aaron, I know that you keep to the law pretty strictly, so you’re not allowed to eat pork. But…did you ever…out of curiosity…try some pork just to see what you were missing?” “Well John, I tell you, when I was a young man in yeshiva I became very curious about what we are forbidden. So I sneaked out late one night, went to an all night diner, and had a ham sandwich.” After a long silence, the rabbi says, “But tell me John, I know that priests are celibate but…forgive me…did you ever have sex with a woman, just to see what it was you were giving up?” “Oh Aaron, when I was a young man in seminary, I too became very curious about carnal matters. So one night I left through the back door, went downtown, met a prostitute, and had sex with her.” Another long silence, and the rabbi says, “Better than a ham sandwich, isn’t it?” 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 3 hours ago, Alpo said: Not 231 (two thirty one), which is the name of the road. Two hundred and thirty one. Computer - that's a mechanical brain, right? Two thirty one is just the way Alpo reads it. Others can do as they please, even computers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 About 20 minutes later they texted and called again, to let me know that now highway two hundred and thirty one was clear. I thought that was quite nice of them. Let me know, in case I happened to be headed that way, that the road was closed, and then let me know when it was open again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 11 hours ago, Alpo said: They texted me a little while ago to tell me that there was a large accident at the intersection of highway 231 and Cherokee road. I was supposed to text yes back, so they knew that I had received the message. And I didn't. So they called me. They want to make sure that everybody knows these things. The computer generated voice on the telephone told me that there was a traffic accident at the intersection of highway two hundred and thirty one. I get texts from both the Sonoma and Napa ORD, Santa Rosa Police, SR Fire, and Sonoma County Sheriff. Fires, road closures, flood warnings, missing persons, and when roads are open or missing people found. The only time there was a request to text back was during the Tubbs and Glass Fired. With the Tubbs Fire I didn't text back and got called on both the landline and cell phone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 A day late 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 A priest and a rabbi had a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. In spite of their religious differences they were good friends. Both had small congregations and didn't pay their spiritual leaders all that well. Both the priest and the rabbi found themselves in need of a new car so they decided to go in on one together. Neither one drove a lot but they did need transportation from time to time. They went car shopping together and found something suitable in their price range and brought it home. Parking it on the street in front of their houses of worship, the priest got out and said, “wait a minute.” He went inside the church and came out a few minutes later with some holy water. He proceeded to bless the car. The rabbi thought for a second and then walked to his synagogue. He came out a few minutes later with a hacksaw and cut two inches off the tailpipe 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!” Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?” Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.” Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.” 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 HR Director dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asks, “You need to chose your final location, Heaven or Hell.” The HR Director right away starts to choose Heaven. St. Peter stops him and says, “That’s not how it works. You go to each location for a week and then you choose”. So they go to the elevator and St. Peter says, “First you are to try out Heaven”. He pushes the blue H button on the elevator, they get in and then the doors open. The scene is a series of small clouds with people on each one playing harps. The HR Director proceeds to an empty cloud, grabs a harp and plays. A week later St Peter comes back and he takes him into the elevator and pushes the red H button for Hell. The doors open. It is the most beautiful golf course he has ever seen. There is a group that calls out to him by name invites him to join the foursome. For the next week it was golf, drinks, dinner and all sorts of fun entertainment. At the end of the week, St Peter shows up and says, “You have experienced Heaven and Hell, now you must choose”. He looks at St Peter and says, “You know Heaven was very peaceful and relaxing but frankly boring. Hell on the other hand was fun and I had a great time, so I chose Hell.” St Peter says, “Very well”. They get back in the elevator and push the red H button. The doors open and it is all fire and the people are writhing in agony. He says, “What happened to the golf course and the fun adventures?”. St Peter said, “Last week you were a recruit, now you are an employee”. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 1 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 A trio of old veterans were bragging and joking about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old." 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 4 hours ago, Alpo said: A day late I read this to my wife and she said, "YES!" We don't play the Valentine game. Don't really do birthdays and anniversary either. She did say, "If a guy wanted to get something for his wife, the first year he would get a charm bracelet with one charm and then add to it each year." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 June 17, 1962 Marvelous Marv Throneberry hit a shot in between center and right fielder. Two runs scored. Marvelous Marv stopped at third. He’s called out for not touching 1st base. Mets manager Casey Stengel rushes out of the dugout to argue the call, but, is stopped by Mets 1st base coach Cookie Lavagetto, who says, …….”Don’t bother, he missed 2nd too”….. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation ... ... and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc. The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?" "Oh, Father, its me Sister Angela!" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2K370iOrKD/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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