Subdeacon Joe Posted January 19, 2024 Author Posted January 19, 2024 30 minutes ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: I'm guessing that "Human Beans" is just a play on words. Yep....now...what parts of the human male anatomy just might be likened to 'franks and beans?" And, of that pair, which just might be considered the "beans?" And why might someone ask if "Human Beans" just might be likened to Rocky Mountain Oysters? 2 1 Quote
John Kloehr Posted January 20, 2024 Posted January 20, 2024 Attention losers! (iPhone speech to text)! 1 1 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 20, 2024 Author Posted January 20, 2024 To celebrate Winnie the Pooh Day, a long-lost section of the Bayeux Tapestry ,featuring the little known story of how Pooh, Eeyore, Tigger, Kanga, Roo, Owl and Rabbit valiantly sought to repel the Norman invasion of England in 1066. Illustrator E. H. Shepard drew this for a limited edition book bag. 2 1 Quote
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted January 22, 2024 Posted January 22, 2024 5 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said: When they were dating, (early 1900s), my Great Aunt told my Great Uncle that she wanted to go to the Ohio State Fair. He drove her up there, drove all around the Fairgrounds, and took her home. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 22, 2024 Posted January 22, 2024 Do you suppose this includes streakers? Patron Saint of Idiots Who Run Out onto the Field St. Telemachus, martyr. On his first visit to Rome in the fifth century, this Eastern monk was appalled to learn that gladiatorial games still were being held in the Western Empire’s Colosseum, as if it were still the first century or something. So he ran out onto the arena sand, trying to get the gladiators to stop. These days, someone would call security. Back then, the enraged (and probably Christian) fans of the games grabbed anything they could reach and stoned him. To death. When Emperor Honorius heard of this, he outlawed the Games at last. (Of course, chariot-racing in the East continued to lead to mass deaths on the track, in the streets by horsy hooligans, and in riots and Byzantine politics — because the two rival teams were also political parties. But hey, Telemachus could only die once.) 1 2 Quote
Alpo Posted January 22, 2024 Posted January 22, 2024 8 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: When they were dating, (early 1900s), my Great Aunt told my Great Uncle that she wanted to go to the Ohio State Fair. He drove her up there, drove all around the Fairgrounds, and took her home. Back in the very early 90s we were living in Norfolk. And one fine February morning I told the wife to put the kids in the car cuz wanted to go to the beach. She looked at me like I was insane but we loaded up and went to the beach. About 20 miles later we get to the beach, and there ain't nobody there because it's cold as a titch's wit, and she parks I get out and walk down on the beach. Look out over the ocean for a while, then it turn around and say okay we're done let's go home. She wanted to know what that was all about. I told her that I had been to California a couple of times and I had seen the Pacific. I grew up on the gulf so of course I had seen the Gulf of Mexico. When I was four we lived in Norfolk but I don't have any recollection of ever seeing the Atlantic. In 1980 I was living in Hollywood. Florida. And was right across the street from the Atlantic for 4 months. Could not see it from where I lived because of all the giant hotels on the beach. And never bothered to walk across the street and take a look. I told her that I did not expect to ever get this close to it again, so I figured I would come see the Atlantic. And I had, so let's go home. Made sense to me. 1 2 3 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 23, 2024 Posted January 23, 2024 A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh, that?" she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls." 8 Quote
Blackwater 53393 Posted January 23, 2024 Posted January 23, 2024 2 minutes ago, Alpo said: A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!! 1 1 3 Quote
Eyesa Horg Posted January 23, 2024 Posted January 23, 2024 15 minutes ago, Blackwater 53393 said: A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!! I once ripped out a drain plug on a truck gas tank loading it on a trailer. JB weld has been holding for 17 years now. 3 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 23, 2024 Posted January 23, 2024 Do you ever let your imagination take over? I saw a recipe Hot Cowgirl Dip. 5 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 24, 2024 Posted January 24, 2024 A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s pouring out there!” “Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.” The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk 3 Quote
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