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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

Subdeacon Joe

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In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The

Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a

bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous

Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail

Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had

finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to

have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom

before you leave us"

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "


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This takes place during the Gorbachev interlude. A young reporter is interviewing a grizzled old WWII veteran.

“You've lived in the times of both Stalin and President Gorbachev. Is life much better now than in that era?”

[Long pause for thought]

“No, things were much better under Stalin.”

[Reporter is flustered]

“But, the purges, the gulags, the shortages and famines! How can you say that things were better then than now?”

“In Stalin’s day, I was young and strong and all the girls wanted to dance with me.”



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Is a Franciscan Pilot 



(wait for it)








(wait for it)









(almost there)



Air Friar? 


Thank you, thank you.  I'm here all week.  Try the veal.  Be sure to tip your waitress.

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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic

garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in

awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20

bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and

see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that

money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to

the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and


through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used

to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I

stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge

clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I

surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off

it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

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One evening, after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley motorcycle in the garage.

His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we’re married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage.

You probably should consider selling your Harley and all that welding equipment; they take up so much of your time.

And that gun collection and fishing gear, they just take up so much space.

And you know the boat is such an ongoing expense; and you hardly use it.

I also think you should lose all those stupid model airplanes and your home brewing equipment..."And what’s the use of that vintage hot rod sports car?

Bob got a horrified look on his face.

She noticed and said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "You were starting to sound like my ex-wife."


Bob replied, “I wasn't..."

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This one is #97.


A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

• Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain.

The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

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On 1/14/2024 at 6:17 PM, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:



Let me guess, they are sold under the Soylent Green brand name

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4 hours ago, Alpo said:

I wonder why they didn't give him any bullets? You suppose they didn't trust him?


It's New Jersey.  Bullets in the hands of the law abiding civilian are verboten!

Edited by Chantry
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