Jump to content
SASS Wire Forum

It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

Subdeacon Joe

Recommended Posts

2 minutes ago, Alpo said:

humor tight.png

A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!!

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, Blackwater 53393 said:

A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!!

I once ripped out a drain plug on a truck gas tank loading it on a trailer.:( JB weld has been holding for 17 years now.:)

  • Like 3
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites


Our six-year-old handed us a note. His teacher had called my wife and I in for an emergency meeting. We asked our son if he had any idea why

and he said, "She didn't like a drawing I did."

We went in the next day.

His teacher pulled the drawing below out and said, "I asked him to draw his familv and he drew this. Would vou mind explaining?"

"Not at all." my wife said. "Family vacation. Snorkelling off the Bahamas. 




Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
  • Like 1
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.  She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"  The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. 

She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."  "But I didn't use them."  'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."  "But I didn't go to any of those shows.."  "Well, we have them, and you could have."  No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.  After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.  "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"  "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."  "But I didn't!"  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

  • Like 2
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/23/2024 at 12:45 PM, Alpo said:

humor text.png

Almost had to clean wine off my screen...


Years ago when working as a computer engineer, an "important" customer called wanting to know how to use his high-end engineering workstation to play music CDs. While most would just buy a $40 CD player, I helped him out. And did get CDs playing on the workstation.


But at one point, he stopped following my instructions and did something else, and I snippily asked him "did I tell you to do that?" And he got back on track and we got the tunes going.


Within seconds of closing the call, the VP of engineering (really a marketing guy) called me into his office. And started dressing me down for my "unprofessional" conduct to this "important" customer. He is going on and on, and not listening to me at all. Then his phone rings. And the receptionist informs him this "important" customer is asking to speak with him.


He tells me to be quiet (with a look) and puts the "important" customer on speaker so we can both hear.


The "important" customer starts going on and on about how much he appreciates the knowledge and help and service I (me) provide to his organization, how this is so rare in the reseller industry, and how much he appreciates the special attention and clear focus the technical staff (me) provides to the account. And how he just felt my help was so above and beyond what any other vendor provides that he decided to call and thank upper management. And then ended the call.


I asked "Anything else you feel a need to discuss?"



  • Like 5
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's FRIDAY!! (I'll leave...)

This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so I figured he must like the dolls himself.

"Bill," I said going up to him, "I didn't know you were a collector!"

"I'm not," he replied.

"Oh," I said, "You're buying a gift, then."

"No, not at all," my friend responded.

"If you don't mind my asking then Bill," I said, "Why are you standing in this line?"

"Oh that," he answered. "I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!"

  • Haha 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A person is traveling and calls home to ask how things are at home. The kid says the cat died. Kid is told you don’t break news that directly, you first say cat is on the roof, next day cat it injured, third day cat died, so it isn’t a shock. Next day calls home to see how things are and is told “grandma is on the roof”.

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.