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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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With the butt sitting right on top of the caption, when you read the caption you're staring right at the butt. Then that bright green t-shirt above the butt draws your eye away from the muted dark background. Of course you don't see the Oreo. The picture's made to have you look at the girl.

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Mary had a little lamb,

Mashed potatoes on the side,

And some wonderful asparagus.

 

A romaine salad with blue cheese dressing,

A lovely glass of a delightful chianti,

And a slice of chocolate cake for desert.

 

17 hours ago, Alpo said:

With the butt sitting right on top of the caption, when you read the caption you're staring right at the butt. Then that bright green t-shirt above the butt draws your eye away from the muted dark background. Of course you don't see the Oreo. The picture's made to have you look at the girl.

There was a bright green shirt?

Edited by John Kloehr
Otto
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38 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

Mary had a little lamb,

Nashed potatoes on the side,

And some wonderful asparagus.

 

A romaine salad with blue cheese dressing,

A lovely glass of a delightful chianti,

And a slice of chocolate cake for desert.

Mary had a little sheep.

With the sheep she went to sleep.

The sheep turned out to be a ram. 

Mary had a little lamb.

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The organiser of a party noticed that the number of people present in the party was way more than the number of invitations.

He decided to play it smart.He took the Mic and announced “Okay. So now we're gonna have a sort of Face-Off between the bride's and the groom's side.I request the bride's relatives to come to the left of the party hall, and those of the groom to the right.”

The orders were followed by the ‘well-behaved’ people in the party,except for some people who remained where they were, awestruck.

The organiser then called for half a dozen bouncers and started kicking the butts of people on the two sides, shouting “Bas&&*ds..this is Mr.Verma’s retirement ceremony”

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A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed it's butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed it's butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license

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?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"

Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!"

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When Forrest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forrest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forrest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forrest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"

2) How many seconds are in a year?

3) What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forrest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forrest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.

"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forrest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forrest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forrest, Run!"

 

 

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
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48 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

What is God's first name? It's Andy."

'Tain't neither. It's Howard.

 

Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...

 

I thought everybody knew that.

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7 hours ago, Alpo said:

'Tain't neither. It's Howard.

 

Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...

 

I thought everybody knew that.

Nah, it was Harold!

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7 hours ago, Alpo said:

'Tain't neither. It's Howard.

 

Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...

 

I thought everybody knew that.

 

13 minutes ago, Eyesa Horg said:

Nah, it was Harold!

 

6 minutes ago, Texas Joker said:

Our father who ART in heaven...

 

It's definitely Art.

gif-good-morning-sinners.gif.5c2b34877d3b4c30a49587c2729e5d8e.gif

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10 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

"What is God's first name? It's Andy."

 

 

Nope.  It's "Hal," or if you want to be formal, "Henry.". And He's Irish.  Hal O'Ed be Thy name.

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5 hours ago, Texas Joker said:

Our father who ART in heaven...

 

It's definitely Art.

He's ART in heaven, but HAROLD be thy name. Kinda like at a match, I'm EYESA , but STEVE be thy name!;):lol:

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14 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

3) What is God's first name?

I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear,
The Son of God discloses.

Refrain:
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own,
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known

 

 

The question was "God's name", but the song is talking about Jesus.

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