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Trigger Mike

wife comes home excited as dojo offered to to let me daughter work for free

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tuesday my wife and just turned 13 year old daughter who started karate 2 months ago came home form karate all excited about a wonderful opportunity. daughter said she was glad i was in a good mood. she could tell i was in a good mood because i pretended to grab her to see if her karate was working when she walked in the kitchen. she could not get me to the ground, which told me she has not progressed that much yet. she won't be tested for her yellow belt until saturday and admits she is weak in parts of it.

 

they tell me how the dojo came to her and said because she is a leader and mature instead of 45 minutes 2 nights a week and paying tuition they want her to come 3 hours earlier as soon as school is out 5 days a week and help them watch the 20-30 little kids that come there for after school and ONE day work up to training them and still pay her tuition for now, though after a while they may give her credits. I said how much will they pay you, but no one knew.

 

tonight they came home and wait it is for free as it is illegal for one under 14 to get paid to work. i said, NO . for several reasons one is if she is too young to get paid she will not do it at all. now my wife whom you all know has troubles, says out loud for all to hear that "if you care anything about her you will let her" and " she will never forgive you for this" and how she wants a consequence .

 

to me only a fool would work for free. told her to get a babysitting job which is the same thing and get paid for it

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I wouldn't allow my vulnerable kids to do that kind of extracurricular work for any organization.

 

Good call on your part.

 

Edit

To be more clear, I'd be careful about allowing my young daughter to spend too much time with adults that you do not know well. Your instinct is on the right track, regardless of your original rationale for saying no. My advice is to stick with your decision in not allowing this arrangement. Flattery and compliments are a red flag in my opinion. Might be smart to change dojos or get her interested in something else. I'd discuss this with my wife and maybe my daughter, too. I wouldn't allow it. It makes no sense to me (given what you stated), that she would be offered this "job," when her training and experience are so limited.

 

Edit-2

After thinking about this more, I wouldn't hesitate to contact the local police, speak to the appropriate detective and explain in detail the circumstances your kid experienced, focusing on the complimentary flattery of being "mature" and "a leader.". He may want to speak to your wife, too. This sounds like a typical approach to a child by a predator. May be nothing or you may have dodged a bullet.

Edited by Cat Brules, SASS #14086

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Some times you have to let them learn that the stove is hot.

If you always guard them from every learning experience, they don't learn.

This one will likely not cost her anything, and it may well teach her a few things.

 

For the sake of domestic tranquility, you might just bend a little here, and guard her back when needed.

 

SC

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Cat Brules speaks truly.

Guard thy flock jealously, O sheepdog!

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I was once told that I was an over protective Dad.

 

Well...... yes indeed.

 

That's what we are suppose to do. And the size of our protective umbrella is dependent upon age, maturity, imminent danger situation, etc... of our surroundings.

 

And at age 21, I was still doing things that might help protect my daughter when I bought her a handgun to carry and paid for her carry classes and license fee for TN.

 

I agree with Cat on this one.

 

T.Mike - I don't agree with your thoughts on a fool and working for free.....

 

 

..........Widder

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No way I'd let either of my kids(boy 12, girl 8) work 5 days a week after school for free. However, I would consider allowing them to work a couple of days a week and EARN free lessons as long as it doesn't interfere with school.

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i will amend my statement that only a fool works for free as I will do that sometimes to help someone.

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If you are working for your tuition how is that working for free? BTW I guess I'm a fool since I teach for free and I drive 60 miles each way to do it.

Edited by Henry T Harrison

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So if something bad happens to one of the kids under your daughter's care, will the dojo's liability insurance protect her? If yes, she is illegally employed; if no, why would you put her at risk?

 

Your wife is rude in any case.

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Blown way out of proportion.. sounds like a glorified latch key program. Discussing this with her and her mother what kind of sinister situations could you be saving her from? Like was said working for your tuition as working for free.

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School is #1, PERIOD.

How's her grades and demeanor at home?

5 days a week is a bit much.

OBW-Where does the Dojo come in, IF she gets hurt there?

What is that I smell, with this deal......... <_<

OLG

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If you are working for your tuition how is that working for free? BTW I guess I'm a fool since I teach for free and I drive 60 miles each way to do it.

You ain't a 13yo minor either.......

NO, you are not a fool. You are a Master, and you are giving back.

OLG

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The REAL problem here is that the O.P. and his wife can't make decisions together and present a consistent, united front to their children.

 

I don't see this as a right or wrong issue. What I see happening is the O.P.'s children are learning how to divide and conquer.

 

While children need boundaries they need to see both parents making decisions together as a team and backing each other up. I know this from first hand experience with two kids myself.

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Trigger Mike,

Me personally, I would go talk with the people in charge of the Dojo. I didn't quite understand, is she getting her training for free in lieu of "baby sitting" or does she still have to pay her tuition?

I am leery of anyone that blows smoke to a child to manipulate them, regardless of whether it's a school, a church or any type of function. The "leaders" of the Dojo should have approached the "Parents".

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I personally think the whole thing sounds kinda hinky...... :unsure:

  • Like 1

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We are assuming that the adult female in this story is the Mother, but Trigger Mike only referred to her as his Wife.

 

Anyhow, I agree with Pat Riot in that the leaders should have approached the parents with this situation.

 

and as JEDI Calico Mary stated, it does sound kinda 'hinky' (whatever that is) :)

 

 

..........Widder

Edited by Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054

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that's HINKY.....dunt yu ever watch NCIS???? :wacko::P

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A. They offered this after 2 months of classes?

B. 3 hours early 5 days a week?

C. Did not ask the parents, like Pat said?

 

Three strikes

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talked the the dojo.

 

said they want her to come help the little kids with homework and keep an eye on them for free, NOT tell the ATA, she has to complete 300 hours of training before getting her instructors belt, THEN after that 300 hours at the next contract renewal they will consider a break in tuition and MAYBE free tuition IF she meets their standards. i figure it will take 5 months to get the 300 hours in if they count every minute she is there so by then we would have renewed already so i figure at best 11 months before free tuition. i told them no.

the wife is the mother as well.

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Bet that person at the Dojo sold used cars at one time. :rolleyes:

I also bet this was all word of mouth and nut'n in writing..........

You did the 'rite' thing-

Not talking to both parents was wrong on their part. I would be looking for another Dojo........

OLG

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We don't use 13 year old kids to teach or do anything else for that matter. There are schools that have the kids sweep and clean the dojo. That isn't us. My son started to teach children at age 14 but by that time he had been training for 6 years held a black belt and was never unsupervised. He was paid and his tuition was covered. He did teach five days a week after school but was home every night in time to do his school work. Working there was his choice and kept it up till he was in college and he will still stop in and teach a class or two if he is in town and his schedule permits.

I don't see any problem with a 13 year old with experience helping the younger kids before class with their homework if she is compensated and supervised. We do get kids who are dropped off after school by the school bus and are there an hour or more before class so help would be appreciated.

But this child isn't experienced. As far as talking to both parents that isn't often an option. We get kids who are brought by mothers, grandparents, and siblings, fathers are rare.

We teach in a fishbowl there is no place on the floor that cannot be seen by the parents and staff and parents are welcome and encouraged to stay.

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I think it gets 'Hinkier' all the time.

 

 

..........Widder

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HINK·Y

ˈhiNGkē/

 

adjectiveUSinformal

(of a person) dishonest or suspect.

"he knew the guy was hinky"

 

(of an object) unreliable.

"my brakes are a little hinky"

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Sounds hinky to me too. Were I you, I'd be looking into another school. I'd also sit your wife and daughter down and tell them why you said no. Might want to have a stern word with that instructor. Maybe put the fear of "father with a gun" into him.

While there is the possibility that the instructor meant what he said, it's all to often that situations like this lead to horrible consequences. I wouldn't risk it.

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300 hours of babysitting at maybe $10.00 an hour? =$3000.00 at $5.00 an hour it's $1500.00 lots of money for a 13 year old. I'd say no to this!!

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Definitely "Hinky" I say trust your gut instinct Mike. After all she is your daughter and you'll never forgive yourself if something heinous happened. Oh well if the wife and daughter are pissed, they'll get over it. Just my humble opinion.

 

Merry Christmas

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daughter seems fine today, wife not so much but I'm used to it. pre chemo-=no problem, post chemo= its a roll of the dice

 

the more i think about it the more I'm opposed to it. the more the lady at the dojo spoke of "job experience, and MAYBE if she does well we will take some or possibly all the tuition off" the more i thought of these shady jobs you get sometimes where sometime someday just never comes. the more we talked the more there were requirements they would throw up for her to get consideration. then while I'm on the phone with her my son comes to tell me my daughter just got lost in the woods. it seems while asking her about the test at karate that was the next day she kept giving me short clipped answers in a rude tone so i also said no test tomorrow if you can't answer better than that(she has he rude issue going a lot with everyone) so she ran out in the woods and got lost.

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Howdy,

Its not legal. and why did they approach your girl and not you or your wife??

Its not legal. So even if you do have a written contract...its not legal.

Its not legal. So how much trouble could you or your wife get into if the kid gets hurt?

Its not legal. There is a case where a young lady got sentenced to prison for hurting

a younger child.... And now there is a big fuss around her 'confession' etc.

I bet if anything goes wrong if or when it goes to court, YOU will be the bad guy for

breaking the law.

They are looking for free help and will pocket the fees they charge these kids.

They pocket the money and YOU get stuck if anything goes wrong.

Whatta deal.

Best

CR

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my thought as well Chlli. if its not legal why do it. along with that 3 hours a day 5 days a week is a lot of time away from the family and not studying. free labor for them does not constitute charity from me. if it was volunteering to help at a hospital or nursing home like a candy stripper or something once in a while to help people then that is fine, but to give a company free work just because they make it sound like it is good for you is just wrong. once you get past high school and get a job i doubt anyone cares about you working for free as a teenager at a dojo.

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Candy Striper.

"Candy stripper" is a whole other thing. What a difference a letter makes. ;)

 

As far as the legality, state laws differ,,,,,,,but I would think it's borderline at best.

Edited by Utah Bob #35998

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Howdy,

Ive found one ladder more or less can be substantial.

Best

CR

  • Like 1

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I would first have them put everything in writing.

Second.

I would sure as heck be talking to the Labor Relations Board.

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