Subdeacon Joe Posted January 11, 2024 Author Posted January 11, 2024 I was shocked , confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, not by the beauty of it all, nor the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics and the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice. Bob, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well. I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake!.' 'And why is everyone so quiet, so somber - give me a clue.' 'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock. No one thought they'd be seeing you.' 3 4 Quote
Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 1 hour ago, Alpo said: Man stuff (6 in 1) is available at which store please! Regards Gateway Kid 4 Quote
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 1 minute ago, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said: Man stuff (6 in 1) is available at which store please! Regards Gateway Kid EVERY store if you're not too picky what works. 4 1 Quote
Alpo Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 43 minutes ago, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said: Man stuff (6 in 1) is available at which store please! Regards Gateway Kid I remember my scoutmaster telling me that his 16-year-old son had to have this special $5 a bottle shampoo. This was in about 1970, so $5 was a lot of money. And since the boy was going to school and didn't have a job, Daddy was buying the shampoo. Instead of throwing out the empty bottle, my scoutmaster started refilling it from the dish soap bottle. Said the boy never noticed a difference. And 65 cents a quart beat the heck out of $5 a pint. 1 1 6 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 12, 2024 Author Posted January 12, 2024 Be positive about yourself. Say, "I cleared out space in the freezer" rather than "I just polished off a couple of pints of ice cream." 4 1 3 Quote
Michigan Slim Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 6 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Be positive about yourself. Say, "I cleared out space in the freezer" rather than "I just polished off a couple of pints of ice cream." Huh. My wife just cleaned out the fridge. 6 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 12, 2024 Author Posted January 12, 2024 At least it's not a "tunic" from the Blues and Royals or the Royal Artillery. 1 2 1 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 12, 2024 Author Posted January 12, 2024 It's FRIDAY! Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. Therefore, he announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me." The whole audience, including the priest, started laughing. For some strange reason, the poor groom didn't. 2 6 Quote
Texas Joker Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 I have to go get my guitar, Thanks SDJ 3 Quote
Eyesa Horg Posted January 12, 2024 Posted January 12, 2024 27 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Have to say I never heard of him! I'm still chuckling! Thanks 1 1 Quote
John Kloehr Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Drying my eyes from laughter, totally teared up but not at all sad. 1 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 13, 2024 Author Posted January 13, 2024 3 hours ago, Texas Joker said: I have to go get my guitar, Thanks SDJ 2 hours ago, Eyesa Horg said: Have to say I never heard of him! I'm still chuckling! Thanks 1 hour ago, John Kloehr said: Drying my eyes from laughter, totally teared up but not at all sad. Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.” 4 4 Quote
Alpo Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 I don't know about young people - like in their thirties - but I believe that MOST guys our age will get it. 3 1 Quote
Abilene Slim SASS 81783 Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 On 1/11/2024 at 10:12 PM, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said: Man stuff (6 in 1) is available at which store please! Regards Gateway Kid The Dollar Store… 1 Quote
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