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Friday Humor - jump in and add some

Pat Riot

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The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials.
Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could by a Porsche."
Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a Corvette."
"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."
"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Heck, my mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.

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11 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:
Moped man to Save the Day. .
No words needed

@Pat Riot, SASS #13748 if I promise to quit picking on you, will you promise not to post selfies like this again?

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A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off.
An old homeless bloke who was wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old coot!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, 
"Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."
She didn't jump.
See, Counseling can work!!!
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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You look just like Frank.

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a

Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his friggin' wife..."

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1 hour ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

39 Best Funny Australian Jokes | Great Short Aussie Jokes - Yellow Octopus



  .............................. note; .... kookaburra's laugh at jokes, ... they are not known for telling them.



  .....................................................  actually they laugh at most everything, ............. especially sunrises and sunsets.




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10 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

Funnier joke if told by  a Golden Retriever. Golden retrievers know how to tell stick jokes!

I believe you are correct...in a sense ;)



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