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Pat Riot, SASS #13748

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I went to the doctor to complain about my hearing loss.  He asked me if I could describe the symptoms.  

 

I said "sure, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair".  

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After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration...

The man thought to himself, "I’m so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is; run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man did as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart, the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him, "Now you’re screwed."

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If Engineers wrote recipes


Chocolate Chip Cookies: 

Ingredients: 

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein 
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) 

 

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. 


Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. 

 

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until the product reaches a dominant hue of 580-587 nm (golden brown). Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium. 
 

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Raising my fist to the sky, I roared, "It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up!"

"Sir, that’s not how field sobriety tests work." the cop replied.

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Peanuts in a chocolate chip cookie?? Blasphemy

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44 minutes ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

If Engineers wrote recipes


Chocolate Chip Cookies: 

Ingredients: 

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein 
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) 

 

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. 


Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. 

 

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until the product reaches a dominant hue of 580-587 nm (golden brown). Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium. 
 

Sounds yummy, maybe a little too sweet. Could balance by adding a little C6H807 from any common rutaceae (extracted by compression) to taste, perhaps 1CC to start with and added with ingredient #8. The pH adjustment might yield a better result. Also a bit surprised by the total lack of NaCl, should have at least a 5 mL by volume as a starting point.

Edited by John Kloehr
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11 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Peanuts in a chocolate chip cookie?? Blasphemy

You just don't know what's good.

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13 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

Also a bit surprised by the total lack of NaCl

3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite

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30 minutes ago, Alpo said:

3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite

I missed that in my initial review, not sure why.

 

Halite actually sticks out like a sore thumb in the list, it is what I use to melt ice on sidewalks. Way too coarse for this application.

 

On edit: Also surprised I did not notice it just for the amount, 4.9 is so close to my eyeball estimate of 5 for the formula, the units being equivalent.

Edited by John Kloehr

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55 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

Sounds yummy, maybe a little too sweet. Could balance by adding a little C6H807 from any common rutaceae (extracted by compression) to taste, perhaps 1CC to start with and added with ingredient #8. The pH adjustment might yield a better result. Also a bit surprised by the total lack of NaCl, should have at least a 5 mL by volume as a starting point.

 

12 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

I missed that in my initial review, not sure why.

 

Halite actually sticks out like a sore thumb in the list, it is what I use to melt ice on sidewalks. Way too coarse for this application.

 

On edit: Also surprised I did not notice it just for the amount, 4.9 is so close to my eyeball estimate of 5 for the formula, the units being equivalent.

 

41 minutes ago, Alpo said:

3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite

 

13 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

I missed that in my initial review, not sure why.

 

Halite actually sticks out like a sore thumb in the list, it is what I use to melt ice on sidewalks. Way too coarse for this application.

 

On edit: Also surprised I did not notice it just for the amount, 4.9 is so close to my eyeball estimate of 5 for the formula, the units being equivalent.

This is not why I carry a gun. This is why I carry a club. You guys are worrying me.

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57 minutes ago, Michigan Slim said:

This is not why I carry a gun. This is why I carry a club. You guys are worrying me.

 

Edited by John Kloehr
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Apathy - If we don’t take care of the customer, maybe they’ll stop bugging us.

 

Arrogance – The best leaders inspire by example. When that’s not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.

 

Blame – The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

 

Consulting – If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

 

Delusions – There is no greater joy than soaring high on the winds of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.

 

Demotivation – Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

 

Disservice – It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one… The good news is that we should run out of them in no time.

 

Elitism – It’s lonely at the top but it’s comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

 

Incompetence – When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there’s no limit to what you can’t do.

 

Overconfidence – Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you can survive the odds beating you.

 

Pretension – The downside of being better than anyone else is that people tend to assume you’re pretentious.

 

Sacrifice – You’re role may be thankless, but if you’re willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

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I copied this from the Saloon (ACS) almost 16 years ago:

 

How to keep out of trouble buying your wife a present

 

I been married for about 38 years and learned a few thing about keeping out of trouble. Ain’t to hard if you keep your wits about ya.

So I thought I’d pass on a few tips to the younger pards.

Rememberin important dates, like birthday, anniversary, etc. Use your calendar, you know the one where you write down all the dates and times of the matches within a 4 hour drive.

Wife’s birthday. Stay up real late one night and wait til the wife is asleep. Go in her purse and find her drivers license. Birthday is on that, put it in your calendar.

Weddin anniversary. Some night after supper say to your wife “might be kind of fun to look through our weddin book tonight.” If your lucky there be a copy of the invitation in it. Look real close then run to the bathroom and write it down real quick before ya ferget. Some times there may be a date on back of the pictures.

Hallmark holidays like Valentines, Mother’s day, etc. Check the calendar in the kitchen, they’ll be on that.

What to do with the dates now that you got ‘em. For most everything except for Christmas and maybe her birthday you can’t go to far wrong with flowers. Women are just as happy with a bunch of flowers as you would be getting new progressive press with an automatic case feeder. Call up a local shop and have ‘em deliver her a bunch with a nice card. If she works, have ‘em delivered there, so that she can show her friends how thoughtful you are.

Shoppin for presents. Face it, you don’t know nothin about what women like. So here’s what you do. The night before you go shoppin sneak some of your guns and ammo out to your truck. Let her know you're goin shoppin for her present and head out early but not too early them stores don’t open til nine or ten. Stop at the first nice women’s store you see. Make sure that what ever you buy she can return it for a full refund. Tell the sales gal how much you want to spend and tell her to pick somethin out in that price range and wrap it up real nice. And what ever you get make sure it’s two sizes too small. Now ya got the rest of day to hit the gun stores and go out to the range. When you get home late in the afternoon complain bout how crowded them stores were and what a hard job it is to shop. Say stuff like you don’t know how she can do this every week. Go put the present under the tree and you're home free.

Think before ya talk, example. You're sittin reading one of your gun magazines and the wife walks in and says “notice anything new?” If you just blurt out “them new Rugers are comin in next week” well do I have to say more. Don’t panic, just look her in the eye and say somethin like “you got that sparkle in your eyes, you know the one you get when you find something really nice that you really needed.” Then she’ll tell all about her new dress or something.

At the Range. In the good old days before CAS we had the place pretty much to ourselves now the wives are there too so you got to be careful what you say. We got to learn to talk in code. Say Fred shows up with his wife and one them new Rugers. You blurt out “Fred, that one of them new Rugers?” You mighta just got Fred in big trouble. Instead say somethin like “Fred, where did you find the parts for that old gun of yours? Is it fixed up so it works now? Can I take a look at it?”

How to add to your collection of guns , power tools, etc. To do this safely you must first understand the female mind, not the whole thing just a little bit of it. Go look in your wife’s closet, look it over real good dresses, shoes, etc. Go back in a week and look again. Anything change? Looks the same to you, she could have replaced everything in there and you would never know. Your work shop and gun safe are the same to her as her closet is to you. Boxes, if they see a new box they’ll know you got something new. Gun boxes you want to hide them real good out in the barn. Power tool boxes, leave ‘em at the hardware store. Trick is to get ‘em in the workshop or gun safe without bein seen.

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Last night, I hallucinated that I was working on dents in my car. I was eerily smearing body filler, sanding it down and spray painting.
 
It was an autobody experience.
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10 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

I copied this from the Saloon (ACS) almost 16 years ago:

 

How to keep out of trouble buying your wife a present

 

I been married for about 38 years and learned a few thing about keeping out of trouble. Ain’t to hard if you keep your wits about ya.

So I thought I’d pass on a few tips to the younger pards.

Rememberin important dates, like birthday, anniversary, etc. Use your calendar, you know the one where you write down all the dates and times of the matches within a 4 hour drive.

Wife’s birthday. Stay up real late one night and wait til the wife is asleep. Go in her purse and find her drivers license. Birthday is on that, put it in your calendar.

Weddin anniversary. Some night after supper say to your wife “might be kind of fun to look through our weddin book tonight.” If your lucky there be a copy of the invitation in it. Look real close then run to the bathroom and write it down real quick before ya ferget. Some times there may be a date on back of the pictures.

Hallmark holidays like Valentines, Mother’s day, etc. Check the calendar in the kitchen, they’ll be on that.

What to do with the dates now that you got ‘em. For most everything except for Christmas and maybe her birthday you can’t go to far wrong with flowers. Women are just as happy with a bunch of flowers as you would be getting new progressive press with an automatic case feeder. Call up a local shop and have ‘em deliver her a bunch with a nice card. If she works, have ‘em delivered there, so that she can show her friends how thoughtful you are.

Shoppin for presents. Face it, you don’t know nothin about what women like. So here’s what you do. The night before you go shoppin sneak some of your guns and ammo out to your truck. Let her know you're goin shoppin for her present and head out early but not too early them stores don’t open til nine or ten. Stop at the first nice women’s store you see. Make sure that what ever you buy she can return it for a full refund. Tell the sales gal how much you want to spend and tell her to pick somethin out in that price range and wrap it up real nice. And what ever you get make sure it’s two sizes too small. Now ya got the rest of day to hit the gun stores and go out to the range. When you get home late in the afternoon complain bout how crowded them stores were and what a hard job it is to shop. Say stuff like you don’t know how she can do this every week. Go put the present under the tree and you're home free.

Think before ya talk, example. You're sittin reading one of your gun magazines and the wife walks in and says “notice anything new?” If you just blurt out “them new Rugers are comin in next week” well do I have to say more. Don’t panic, just look her in the eye and say somethin like “you got that sparkle in your eyes, you know the one you get when you find something really nice that you really needed.” Then she’ll tell all about her new dress or something.

At the Range. In the good old days before CAS we had the place pretty much to ourselves now the wives are there too so you got to be careful what you say. We got to learn to talk in code. Say Fred shows up with his wife and one them new Rugers. You blurt out “Fred, that one of them new Rugers?” You mighta just got Fred in big trouble. Instead say somethin like “Fred, where did you find the parts for that old gun of yours? Is it fixed up so it works now? Can I take a look at it?”

How to add to your collection of guns , power tools, etc. To do this safely you must first understand the female mind, not the whole thing just a little bit of it. Go look in your wife’s closet, look it over real good dresses, shoes, etc. Go back in a week and look again. Anything change? Looks the same to you, she could have replaced everything in there and you would never know. Your work shop and gun safe are the same to her as her closet is to you. Boxes, if they see a new box they’ll know you got something new. Gun boxes you want to hide them real good out in the barn. Power tool boxes, leave ‘em at the hardware store. Trick is to get ‘em in the workshop or gun safe without bein seen.

 

Using this as  a format for  a happy marriage may result n you meeting many new folks.

Most of them will work at the law firm you'll be hiring once your wife figures out that you're a  BS'r and a sneaky SOB.:P

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A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
Everyone chuckles, and the vendor makes the dog. The Buddhist hands him a twenty, the vendor pockets it & moves on to the next customer. The Buddhist complains, “Hey where’s my change.” And the Vendor replies, “Ah, change comes from within.”

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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company. Boy: “Dark in here.” Man: “Yes it is.” Boy: “I have a baseball.” Man: “That’s nice.” Boy: “Want to buy it?” Man: “No, thanks.” Boy: “My dad’s outside.” Man: “OK, how much?” Boy: “$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.” Man: “Yes, it is.” Boy: “I have a baseball glove.” Man: “That’s nice.” Boy: “Want to buy it?” Man: “No, thanks.” Boy: “I’ll tell.” Man: “How much?” Boy: “$750.” Man: “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The son says, “$1,000.” The father says, “That’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that sh*t again.”

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http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-cas.html

 

Murphy's cowboy action shooting (CAS) laws

Most cowboys know of Murphy’s Law, what they may not know is that Murphy, in his wisdom, wrote his law's for CAS long before it came into existence.

Back then CAS wasn’t yet a proven science or art form like it is today and things could actually go wrong with firearms, ammo, stage props, spurs, etc. and some cowboys, as hard as it is the believe, actually missed.

It was for these reasons that Capt. Murphy wrote his famous law's for Cowboy Action Shooting. They are listed below in no particular order so-whatever.

  • No matter how the plate is positioned, fragment will always reflect forward towards the stage.
  • The most expensive and hard to find (38-40/32-20) cartridges will always land forward of the firing line.
  • No matter which side the buckle is on; spurs can be put on backwards and upside down.
  • If it’s dark outside boots will always go on the wrong feet.
  • If it’s daylight outside boots will always go on the wrong feet.
  • The whiter the hat the deeper the mud hole that it falls into.
  • Feet will always swell on the night of the banquet when you have on your tight fitting, dress boots.
  • If stopped by a cop for a broken tail light on the way to a meet the first thing he will always ask is; are there any weapons in the car?
  • All cops who stop cowboys going to or from a meet never have a sense of western humor.
  • Don’t ever try and joke around with a cop when you are transporting 8+ guns and 1000+ rounds of ammo to or from a Club called, Vigilante Colt Justice Shooting Club.
  • Under the above mentioned laws always try substituting - Old Western Texas Poets Sonneteer Society for Vigilante Colt Justice Shooting Club.
  • The first time you’re running real late is the first time the safety meeting will actually start on time.
  • A secure, drop proof, gun holster really isn’t
  • The time you locate that gun you’ve always wanted at a price far below market value for cash only right then is the time you will have forgotten to visit ATM before leaving home and the two pards behind you will be waving greenbacks at the seller.
  • When it’s time to leave for the airport to your first EOT, and all your pards are waiting in the is car, that’s the time the safe will refuse to open and the only safe/lock smith within 50 miles is on vacation and your CAS friend, Yellow Dog Tick, will be fresh out of dynamite.
  • Green, pink & yellow really do make a smart looking cowboy outfit for pards, pardettes & horses.
  • Green, pink & yellow dress suit not a good choice for work, church, weddings, trial, funerals, job interviews, etc.
  • If you say anything at all to a cowboy with blue hair, orange beard, wearing green, pink & yellow outfit it would be in your best interest to tell him he’s a right handsome looking buckaroo vaquero.
  • If you call an armed cowboy a buckaroo, be absolutely sure that the B doesn’t sound like a V or F.
  • A cowboy packing two Colts and carrying a double can wear any thing he dang well pleases.
  • Osauma Ben Lauden has never seen the movie, “The Wild Bunch.”
  • One flat bed trailer loaded with armed cowboys really can depose Castro on Friday, Sadam Hussain on Saturday with time left over for a banquet Saturday night on the Rivera.
  • The game of “Cowboys and al Qaeda” has never been played.
  • Ear plugs will be instantly remembered after the first report of a 26+ round stage shot inside a small building.
  • A timer reading showing a negative number proves that cowboys really can go faster than the speed of light which makes Einstein a waddy.
  • Stealth Bullets only work in stealth guns on a stealth stage being shot by a stealth cowboy or cowgirl.
  • If the last shot for a clean match is a mandatory knock down, when hit, it will never go down.
  • If you are winning the match with a stock Ruger and ahead by. 25sec., on the last shot the hammer will always slip.
  • You always know it’s time to stop reloading and come to bed when your wife calls out for a DQ for failure to engage.
  • The cost of a real Colt always equals two or more (2) SS checks.
  • No matter how many carts you have, you will always have the urge to build just one more.
  • No matter how many carts you have made that were based on years of CAS experience, some new pard on his first time out will have a better one.
  • Gun carts are addictive, the only known cure is to build a factory and hire help for the mass production of your last and perfect cart.
  • No cart is ever perfect.
  • No matter how wide the tread and how big the tires, your cart will tip over at Tin Star Ranch.
  • Cowboys and boys who ice.
  • skate and dance to show tunes are the only real men authorized to wear rhinestones.
  • If you carry oxygen for a pick-me-up before stage time, some fool will always use it to strike a match on to light his cigar.
  • Modern day cowboys really don’t roll their own. (think about it)
  • Modern day cowboys really do yell, YAHOO DOT COM.
  • The cost of new CB equipment will always equal your checking account balance.
  • If you ask the cost of playing CAS you probably can’t afford it.
  • No matter how many times they are cycled at home, New guns will always lock up at first match.
  • No matter how many times they are cycled at home, used guns will always lock up at first match.
  • All guns, no matter how many $$$$ spent on them for action jobs, will always lock up.
  • Action jobs really aren’t.
  • If used, sun block will always get into your eyes while shooting the longest and most difficult stage.
  • If used, Sun block will always get into your eyes.
  • Your expensive, new safety shooting glasses will never have the right correction for CAS work.
  • If the stage calls for a reload off body, your extra bullet will always be on your cart.
  • If stage calls for extra bullet to be loaded off your body, that will be the one you drop and the only one in that caliber that you have on you.
  • If stage calls for reloading off you body, the first and sometimes the second cartridge you pull out of your pouch will always be the wrong caliber.
  • When the above happens the cowboy will always try and load it anyway.
  • The wrong caliber for you rifle will not chamber but it will always fit thru the loading gate and jam under the carrier.
  • 38 caliber bullets will go thru the loading gate of a W32-20 rifle and jam.
  • 45 long Colts will go thru the loading gate of a 45-70 and jam.
  • You can always ID a Marlin man by the screw drivers he carries in his ammo belt loops.
  • Screws on a Marlin really can’t be over stressed.
  • Screws on a Winchester that are over stressed will always strip out.
  • Lock tight really isn’t.
  • Secure, fail proof, Tang sights will always fall down.
  • If the stage calls for 10 rifle rounds the rifle will always jam on first round.
  • f the rifle is the first gun to be used on a stage it will always jam on the second round.
  • Your spare gun will never work when needed for that purpose.
  • Modern day Stag grips really aren’t.
  • Modern day real ivory grips really aren’t.
  • Hard wood grips will crack the first time the gun is mishandled.
  • Grips guaranteed to fit really don’t.
  • Clean black powder really isn’t.
  • A 42 inch gun belt can never be stretched far enough to fit around a 48 inch waist.
  • Loose gun belts will always fall off going down stage steps while on the timer.
  • All BP shooters by nature have really small, tight nipples.
  • With age all BP shooters will have large nipples that sag.
  • All CB guns have the inherent ability to be staged unloaded.
  • There really are stage gremlins who move your guns, takes rounds out of them or put more in, rigs props to not work and who move targets out of harms way just as the trigger is pulled.
  • Don’t ever try to shoot a stage gremlin, they smell real bad.
  • A hair trigger really isn’t.
  • Peep sights don’t.
  • Peep sights will always fill up with crud.
  • If you run out of shots shells on a stage and a cowboy hands you his, they will always be the wrong gauge.
  • Cowboys are the only known Homo sapiens who can laugh out loud at themselves and not be considered committable.
  • The only thing a cowboy loves more than his horse is another horse.
  • Don’t ever kiss another cowboys horse, he will not like it and they tend to kick.
  • After feeling the finish on a CBs gun it would be best not to tell him; it’s as soft as a babies butt.
  • Don’t ever talk harsh about a cowboys Mother, dog, truck, bass boat, horse, collection of guns or his selection of chew.
  • No CB has ever admitted being a Democrat.
  • All CB shooters are proven, professional gamblers.
  • Betting on a stage is always a sucker’s bet.
  • All cowboys like to gamble, even when they know they can’t win.
  • Cowboys never have money to gamble with; on the way into town.
  • Their horse won it all.
  • In 5-card draw always count the cards six times before accusing an armed CB of holding more than 5, that way you’ll have a better feel and appreciation for the number 6.
  • Cowboys and boys who skate and dance to show tunes are the only real men authorized to wear rhinestones.
  • Storm proof tents used for SAS camping really aren’t.
  • All CAS tents leak and the leak will always be directly above the bedding material of the tenants or his guns.
  • An RV transporting 6 cowboys and their equipment to an annual CAS meet is really an RT - Rolling Thunder.
  • 38s really aren’t wimp loads unless you actually shoot a wimp.
  • Don’t ever shoot a wimp; they will not die and will just lie there and whine, cry, moan, groan and carry on forever.
  • 38s really aren’t mouse guns; their hands are too small to reach the trigger.
  • Horse blinders really don’t.
  • All cowboys who wear a shot shell, bra belt also know all the Broadway show tunes.
  • All cowboys who insist on wearing a shot shell bra belt will always be wearing rhinestones or sequins and have shinny guns with mother of pearl grips.
  • Gen. George Patton really did say that about pearl grips and it‘s true.
  • Elvis, dressed like a cowboy in white leather, really has been seen at EOT.
  • If you think you saw Elvis at EOT dressed in white leather, he really was there and ten cowboys will back you up no matter what.
  • If you’re absolutely positive that you saw slick willie (BC) at a SASS meet dressed as a cowboy packin’ heat, always keep it to yourself and never mention it; cowboys don‘t cotton to crazy people.
  • No matter how good you are with a long-range rifle, you can never hit the Marfa, Texas lights.
  • Only cowboys can wear yellow leather boots and not get noticed real hard.
  • All cowboys wearing yellow, leather boots, study the ground real hard before dismounting.
  • Spurs really do help in obtaining more traction for action.
  • Just like guns, spurs really can lock up.
  • Cross draw holsters tend to make a cowboy a switch hitter or a good Broadway dancer.
  • Two holsters worn on same side always makes a cowboy a switch hitter.
  • Not all cowboys can operate a jig but they all know how to dance to one.
  • If MapQuest shows the range to be north of interchange xxx, it will always be south, requiring another 15 minutes to next interchange turn around.
  • The night before you leave you will always loose you CAS Checklist for stuff to “Not Forget.”
  • All computers are biased against cowboys and will always dump whatever it was you were saving for CAS work; Bill designed them that way.
  • On any other day, you can't stay awake long enough to finish watching the news, but the night before a CAS shoot you will always not be able to sleep even if you were hit over the head with the butt end of your shooting irons!
  • Squib loads really aren‘t made by Squib.
  • No matter how many months the fantastic hamburger griller has sold lunches at your home range, he will never be there when you forgot your lunch.
  • No matter how carefully you load your ammo, the stage with the one chance only, 30 second bonus will always be a dud.
  • The cinch will break on the saddle.
  • Bridle’s don’t belong in the honeymoon suite unless the Bride is really weird.
  • Cowboys should never invite their horse into the Brides bedroom, see above.
  • The slicked up rifle action job that feels so good dry firing at home will never eject shells during the match and if it does they will go into your eye or over your safety glasses and down your collar.
  • That new, big, expensive, cowboy hat will always obscure your vision of the front sights of your rifle, but you will look good wearing it.
  • Puncture proof, pneumatic tires on your cart really aren’t.
  • If you use hard rubber tires they will fall off.
  • If you spend an extra ordinary amount of time developing a list of things NOT to forget when going to the upcoming Regional or National match, the day of packing for the match, you will have lost the list.
  • If your CAS list is on your computer it will never give it up without a knock down, drag out, USB fight.
  • After laying out everything in preparation for the next day's match, including the new.38 pistols & rifle, you will always, out of habit, grab the .45 ammo!
  • If you forget or pack the wrong ammo, that will always be the caliber the club vender will be out of.
  • When needed, the closest Wal-Mart will always be in the next county.
  • If your rifle and handguns are not the same caliber you will always get them mixed up at least once. The harder your rifle is to dismantle the more likely and often this is to happen.
  • An easy shot really isn’t.
  • The only time an easy shot can be called easy is after it’s been hit.
  • Golf carts used as gun carts are still golf carts and we all know what that means.
  • Clay birds launched from a taut spring are going about 60MPH. A driven golf ball travels about 250MPH. Don’t ever bet that you can hit a golf ball with a shot gun before dark unless you really don’t need that shoulder any more.
  • Electric powered gun carts don’t really need push handles.
  • The battery on an electric cart will always go dead at the stage furthest away from your vehicle.
  • Gun safes really aren’t.
  • A safe gun is really an oxymoron.
  • Only morons consider a safe gun exclusively safe.
  • Mulligan’s in CAS do not exist and should never be called out by the shooter.
  • And last but not least, All cowboys really do have more fun.

All of the Murphy's Cowboy Action Shooting (CAS) Laws were sent by Kit Dalton.

Thank you very much Kit.

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Handy Latin Phrases

 

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sona si latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Vacca Foeda!
Stupid Cow!

Re vera, cara mea, mea nil refert.
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis
exponebantur ad necem.

In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota
monax materiam possit materiari?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem.
Stand aside, little people! I'm here on official business.

(At a poetry reading)
Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Tuis pugis pignore!
You bet your bippy!

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.

(At a barbeque)
Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

Neutiquam erro.
I am not lost.

Solum potestis prohibere ignes silvarum.
Only you are can prevent forest fires.

Ita erat quando hic adveni.
It was that way when I got here.

Sic hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus
et nimis propinquus ades.

If you can read this bumper sticker, you are very well educated and much too close.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

You can't say that in Latin.
Illiud Latine dici non potest.

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

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On 10/25/2020 at 5:13 PM, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

If Engineers wrote recipes


Chocolate Chip Cookies: 

Ingredients: 

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein 
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) 

 

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. 


Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. 

 

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until the product reaches a dominant hue of 580-587 nm (golden brown). Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium. 
 

Reactor vessels need to be bigger, especially the second one.

 

 

 

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

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1 hour ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.


My favorite! :D

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Got myself a new job making chess sets.


I'm on knights next week.

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38 minutes ago, LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L said:

Got myself a new job making chess sets.


I'm on knights next week.

 

< < < rimshot  > > >

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On 10/20/2020 at 12:11 PM, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

With the holidays fast approaching, I want to take this opportunity to share with you my mother's famous fruitcake recipe. I certain hope you enjoy it. 
Fruitcake Recipe

  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • lemon juice
  • nuts
  • 1 gallon whiskey 

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

 

There is only one fruit cake in North America.  It has been continuously re-gifted for 400 years.

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Halloween's comin'.

 

Did ya hear about the skeleton who walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop...?   :rolleyes:

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