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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye..it reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on with out a second thought.

 

Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

 

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun

in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”

He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in

possibly doing business…..”

 

“Very well my son. Please follow me” He is led through many winding passages and soon is quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.” He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, “Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway. “He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

 

 

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY:

THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

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New Scientific Discovery!

August 4, 2009 by Dan Mitchell

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named “Governmentium”. Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass”. You will know it when you see it.

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On 10/30/2020 at 4:25 AM, LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L said:

Too many points in that "you might be a gun nut" thread were, well, lets say uncomfortably familiar.

 

You read it all?  I'm impressed.  I lost patience after about 20 lines.

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47 minutes ago, Cyrus Cassidy #45437 said:

 

You read it all?  I'm impressed.  I lost patience after about 20 lines.

I did. Hits close to home....

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"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"

 

(We've all experienced this!)

 

 

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

 

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

 

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...

 

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and a call to room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

 

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

 

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

 

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

 

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

 

Guest: ".....What??"

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

 

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

 

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

 

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

 

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "What?"

 

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "I... don't think so."

 

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

 

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

 

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

 

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!!; I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

 

Room Service: "We bodder?"

 

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

 

Room Service: "Wad? !?"

 

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

 

Room Service: "Copy?"

 

Guest: "Excuse me?"

 

Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

 

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

 

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy... rye??"

 

Guest: "Whatever you say."

 

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

 

Guest: "You're welcome"

 

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do don't you!

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:FlagAm: D uring the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.  Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?

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2 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"

 

(We've all experienced this!)

 

 

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

 

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

 

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...

 

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and a call to room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

 

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

 

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

 

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

 

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

 

Guest: ".....What??"

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

 

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

 

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

 

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

 

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "What?"

 

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "I... don't think so."

 

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

 

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

 

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

 

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!!; I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

 

Room Service: "We bodder?"

 

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

 

Room Service: "Wad? !?"

 

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

 

Room Service: "Copy?"

 

Guest: "Excuse me?"

 

Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

 

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

 

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy... rye??"

 

Guest: "Whatever you say."

 

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

 

Guest: "You're welcome"

 

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do don't you!

Sounds like a Buddy Hackett or Bill Dana joke!

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On 10/19/2020 at 5:24 PM, Waxahachie Kid #17017 L said:

 

 

There are a lot of Aggie jokes, around here.

Why don't they have ice at A&M? - They lost the formula.

I caught an Aggie wolf in a trap. How to you know it was an Aggie wolf? It chewed three of it's feet off, and it's still caught in the trap.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Hey look, it’s a Texas Aggie class ring. Even got a built in nose picker!

 

Seamus

 

 

8699E257-F384-4A87-B33D-AEBA0905690E.jpeg

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