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Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104

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Everything posted by Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104

  1. Lady Johnson, the Head Housemother of the private girl school my father was Head Master of, told us this story: My husband was stationed in India with the British Army during the last two decades of the previous century, (prior 1900). He was a Colonel and had duly appointed house servants who were local to the area. Twice a week the cook would serve the most delicious potato pancakes. You guessed it. After almost a year of enjoying these delicacies, Lady Johnson walked into the kitchen area and witnessed the cook taking a ball of the potato mixture and forming it in her armpit. Now add the fact that bathing was not conducted on a daily basis and air conditioning was still a fantasy, bon appetite.
  2. A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?' 'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck....'
  3. Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this: A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I don't,' she replied. 'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.' She didn't crack a smile. 'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 'What's so funny?' he asked. 'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!' (Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)
  4. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a race horse on a flat track; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00."
  5. I became confused when I heard the word Service used with these agencies: Internal Revenue Service U.S. Postal Service Telephone 'Service Cable TV Service Civil Service State, City, County & Public Service This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am. Service
  6. For those out there thinking about a wet tumbler. Amazon today lowered the price to: $164.49. Frankford Arsenal Platinum Series Rotary Tumbler with 7-Liter Capacity, Clear Viewing Lids, and Auto Shut-Off for Reloading, Cleaning and Wet Tumbling Brass Cases
  7. Actually, Bondo works very well. Impervious to what Mother Nature can dish out and does not rot. Kind of a little secret of home renovation experts. Chas B
  8. And here I thought you were referring to Forty Rod. Chas B
  9. P.M. me your addy and I will kick some brass your way. Chas B
  10. Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders". Guess where I am now??...
  11. An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
  12. One of the situations that Annie and I will have to get used to with the planned move to Tennessee. Here in the Phoenix area, a person can walk into a grocery store and purchase hard liquor, wine and beer. Just about anything you desire. Same goes for Costco, but on a smaller scale as well as Walgreens, etc. Pricing on hard liquor considerably lower than Tennessee with beer and wine lower as well. Annie is just about to retire from a Kroger affiliate this September. She is always comparing pricing of goods. Chas B
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