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The Church and the Saloon. In a small mid-western conservative town, a saloon owner started construction on a new building to open up his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to bl

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."  The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"  "Yes, Father, it is."  "And who was the girl you were with?"  "I ca

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9 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

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I do this :D

 

I also randomly call out and say “Hey Bill (or Sue) how’s it going?” And smile. More often than not they look confused and say “Okay....and you?” Then I say “Just messing with you.” Then I laugh and keep going. 
It’s a hoot sometimes. 

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24 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

75380404_2602455419966001_7605142515657736192_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=2&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=sv3lR2yXbWsAX9gjVoY&_nc_oc=AQnyk1f5S96sDa77Birt1qM6fJlw1e9RSd0lPV5Wu0_HJRuKKwhHCCivD6g7BfJTFZA&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-2.xx&oh=7d08b60395907e741ea0876244aa2d0f&oe=5FF0BB45

 

I once lived on a street that people would cut through to save one stop sign. Of course, they would speed while doing so.

 

I started waving hello to them. Talked with the neighbors, and got them to do the same; don't just wave to neighbors which we already did, wave to everyone!

 

In a couple months, the number of folks cutting through our street fell to almost nothing, and the few that did keep doing it stopped speeding and waved back.

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Sometimes Seniors Don't Understand Directions

This is why you should listen to your Doctor's instructions:

 

I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacist's high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along. He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, NO!!!"

I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore!

 

 

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Another old one. 

Back in the 70's, the earliest time in my Misspent Youth, my oldest friend and I had a habit of going for long, nighttime drives, just to go to places we hadn't been to. 

One such night, at probably 2:00A.M., we found ourselves in a small, rural town in middle Ohio. 

We had been talking about food, (a favorite subject), when we spotted a neon sign that just read "EATS". There were only a couple cars on the street, so we got front row parking. 

When we walked in, the place looked like the traditional small diner. A row of booths along one wall, the second to the back occupied several Old Guys, drinking coffee, discussing current events, and a counter facing the kitchen. 

The cook looked like most greasy spoon cooks did back then. A stained apron over a white sleeveless undershirt, a two day beard, all topped off by a large dingy white cooks hat. 

We nodded our greetings, both to the cook and to the Old Guys.

"What can I get ya?" the cook called from the kitchen. We guessed later that menus were too fancy for the place. 

I looked at my friend, and him at me. "A couple burgers, fries, and whatever cola you have", I called back. 

He brought out the soda, gave the table a cursory wipe with a towel as dingy as his hat. 

We sipped the soda while he went back to start our burgers. As we watched, he reached into a fridge, and pulled out a handful of raw hamburger. He then raised one arm, slapped the meat into it, and slammed the arm down like we used to do as kids trying to fly. 

With the meat properly flattened, he threw it onto a griddle, and repeated the action to make the second burger. 

All we could do was stare in astonishment at what we'd just seen. Before we could make a move to leave, or even say anything, one of the Old Guys spoke up:  "That's nothing, you should see how he makes the donuts!"

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On 12/4/2020 at 4:14 PM, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I do this :D

 

I also randomly call out and say “Hey Bill (or Sue) how’s it going?” And smile. More often than not they look confused and say “Okay....and you?” Then I say “Just messing with you.” Then I laugh and keep going. 
It’s a hoot sometimes. 

You probably scare the heck out of some folks, making them wonder if you are a loose cannon in the neighborhood. 

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2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

Image may contain: text that says 'Sure, you can get your wife jewelry or an expensive purse or perfume for Christmas, but she will never forget the Christmas you got her a mop. Never.'

 

 

 

 

Uh... neither will you... neither will you.  :mellow:

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2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

Image may contain: text that says 'Sure, you can get your wife jewelry or an expensive purse or perfume for Christmas, but she will never forget the Christmas you got her a mop. Never.'

 

 

 

 

One year for Christmas/birthday, Uno gave me a really nice coffee bean grinder and coffee maker.  His two sisters-in-laws gasped at the gifts.  How dare he buy you an appliance.  I was overjoyed.  They didn't understand how much I like good coffee. 

 

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Bought my wife a set of pots and pans one year for Christmas.

 

They were hard anodized Circulon. She had been looking at different sets the week before and liked these but we couldn't afford them. Christmas eve I stumbled on a complete set at the NEX (PX) marked down about 40%. At first she was mad because I spent money we really didn't have. Had to come clean and tell her they were heavily marked down. She was quite happy after she found out I didn't pay full price.

 

We are still using them 25 years later.

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