Do this to calm your angry wife

[Buckshot Bob]

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Yuh. Right.

[Capt. James H. Callahan]

There are two theories on how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

JHC

[sassnetguy50]

2 hours ago, Rolling Roulette said:

Why try? I just leave and hang with my buddies.

You go every time she's angry?  Would have to start paying them rent if I spent that much time there.

[Pat Riot]

I learned a long time ago that putting up with a woman’s temper tantrums is counterproductive. My wife used to play the “I’m a woman and acting like a 4 year old is okay because I will get my way and make you miserable” game.

That ended in our second month of marriage. I have been married 44 years next month. 
My wife disliked her mother very much ( long story - not going there) but, she would act just like her when she was mad. She would run into the bedroom, slam the door, lock it then sit in there and sulk for a couple of hours. 
I discovered that going to my buddies’ apartment and drinking beer didn’t sit well with her. I guess it was because I wasn’t responding as she saw fit. 
One day she did that and I waited until I was pretty sure she was on the bed and I kicked the door open. Cost me $250 but it was well worth it. I went in and made her come to the living room and talk things out. I also laid out some ideas for proper communication and mutual dispute resolutions. 
For the most part we have gotten along nicely ever since. Occasionally we have spats but they are very short and reconciled quickly. 

Every great once in a while she will snap at me which I will in turn respond exactly as she acted. She then responds with “Why are you acting this way?” And I respond “I am emulating you.” Then we talk. 
Also, just to give you an idea how I look at things, she once told me I was sleeping on the couch. Bull Spit, I will. I went in, stripped the bed of blankets and sheets then made up the couch. That made her mad. Then we talked. 
She did that one other time and I went to bed in our bed in our room. Cost me another door jamb but she got the point. 
 

If you want equal rights act like an equal, not a spoiled petulant brat! 

[Henry T Harrison]

I learned long ago that the two most important words in the English language are yes dear

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

That guy just gave us a recipe for suicide....or divorce.

[Pat Riot]

6 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

That guy just gave us a recipe for suicide....or divorce.

Me? I don’t think so. 

[Warden Callaway]

I've been married 55 years to a pretty good woman.  In general,  we get along well. But... she has to somehow qualify or approve ever thing I say. "Looks like it's raining. ".  "It started 10 minutes ago. (You old fool)". Or, "It's only drizzling. (You old fool)"

 

Women are always trying to find ways to improve you. You can't win. I get out early and put on a pot of coffee.  Take her cup and fill it with water and microwave it to heat the cup.  Make her coffee and take it to her in bed with a couple of aspirin and small glass of water.  Oh, I'm the best husband ever. She later comes out to the kitchen to find 12 grains of coffee and a couple drops of water on the counter.  I get "the look".  Then of all atrocities,  I've put the coffee canister back outside the Good Housekeeping guidelines of label orientation.  Snapped at and canister rotated properly.  Lost all my good guy credit in 5 seconds. Back to being just a man. Inferior man at best.

 

Son Chris has been married 17 years. They are compatible enough I guess.  But she's a manager.  Actually a CEO of some company.  She's always got him a "honey do" list of things to do on his day off. And everything is "we" need to do. When he knows full well she means for him to do it. I told him don't even try to do everything.  They'll just add more to the list. I said this in front of her. I'm sure I'm a bad influence.  

 

I leave a wet towel on the bathroom floor. Throw the covers loosely back when I get up. Pass gas when the need is pressing.  Go back to bedroom and towel is hung up to dry and bed is made properly.  If she didn't have something to fuss about she would make something up. 

[Badlands Bob #61228]

I've got a basement.  Over the years, it's turned into a really nice basement.

[Texas Joker]

Y'all know the Babylon bee is a satire humor site right?

[Subdeacon Joe]

Re the Cantical of Canticals, some great allegory there:

'My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door,
and my bowels were moved for him.
⁵ I rose up to open to my beloved;
and my hands dropped with myrrh,"

 

Hmmmm..  her hands were dripping wit what?

 

"I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me:
I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate."

 

Hmmmmm....

 

 

 

[Buckshot Bob]

1 hour ago, Henry T Harrison said:

I learned long ago that the two most important words in the English language are yes dear

As long as it’s not said sarcastically 

[Subdeacon Joe]

We're coming up on 34 years.   We don't fight.  For the most part we don't nag each other.   We had some disagreements early on, mostly about her kids. But no major battles.

I did stop helping her put laundry away for a while.   I'd fold the towels the way my mom taught me,  she then refolded them.   I d match up the seams on pant legs, put them on the pincch hangers, she'd tell me that I needed to match up the seams before hanging them.   So I  gradually stopped.   After a while she asked why I didn't help put laundry away,  so I told her that it was pointless since she redid everything.  She blinked, realized that  as long as the towels got folded it really didn't matter which way,  and that if the seams on the pants were off by an eighth of an inch the world wouldn't end.

[Buckshot Bob]

I just posted this to give a few people a laugh. But it appears to have started a marriage counseling session  

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

hook up the boat and head to the lake 

 

  problem delayed , until it is forgotten 

 

  CB 

[Texas Maverick]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

We're coming up on 34 years.   We don't fight.  For the most part we don't nag each other.   We had some disagreements early on, mostly about her kids. But no major battles.

I did stop helping her put laundry away for a while.   I'd fold the towels the way my mom taught me,  she then refolded them.   I d match up the seams on pant legs, put them on the pincch hangers, she'd tell me that I needed to match up the seams before hanging them.   So I  gradually stopped.   After a while she asked why I didn't help put laundry away,  so I told her that it was pointless since she redid everything.  She blinked, realized that  as long as the towels got folded it really didn't matter which way,  and that if the seams on the pants were off by an eighth of an inch the world wouldn't end.

I have the same issues. I tried putting the dishes into the dishwasher and she moves them all around afterwards, I tried vacuuming and she would tell me it wasn't done right, I tried dusting but guess I missed a few spots according to her so I quit doing these tasks. I never did them the way she would so I quit doing them. Then she says I don't help her and I told her that she never likes the way I do it so why should I try. That ended that conversation.

 

TM

[Texas Joker]

Yea the way she changes the oil in the truck and mows the yard... 

 

And last time she roofed a shed the shingles were crooked

[Cypress Sun]

Even if you think you've won the argument...you haven't.

[Windy City Kid]

When she says she's mad, tie a towel around her neck, like a cape. Then say "Now You're Super Mad!" Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe she'll shoot you in your sleep. 

[Pat Riot]

19 minutes ago, Windy City Kid said:

When she says she's mad, tie a towel around her neck, like a cape. Then say "Now You're Super Mad!" Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe she'll shoot you in your sleep. 

Thanks for the belly laugh. 

[Cypress Sun]

 

I tried this one once, "You have the prettiest eyes when you're angry." 

 

It didn't work...at all...not in the least.

[bgavin]

12 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

hook up the boat and head to the lake 

 

  problem delayed , until it is forgotten 

 

  CB 

Women never forget.  They keep score.

[Trigger Mike]

Sometimes I hand her a towel and drop it over her shoulders and tell her now”you’re super angry”. Works wonders 

[Pat Riot]

1 hour ago, bgavin said:

Women never forget.  They keep score.

Boy, you’ve got that right.
Just last month my sister in law was complaining about something my brother did to my wife. Apparently my brother got paint on her favorite casual shoes. He threw them away and told her to buy new ones. 
As soon as I heard her say this I started counting down in my head from 10. When I reached 4 my wife says “Tom threw away my very favorite sneakers because he didn’t like the way they looked on me!” She said it with that “I will be angry soon…I am building up a head of steam” tone of voice. 
Before anything else was said I jumped in with “That was 40 years ago! Forty! The statute of limitations on that ran out 33 years ago aaaaannnndddd you promised to never mention again, remember that?”

Her demeanor reminded me of this:

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

I reckon , it pays to stay single  

 

 my Lab , is happy when I when I am around 

 

  CB 

 

 

[bgavin]

The statute of limitations never expires in marriage.

I have a wonderful wife in every aspect, and an equally wonderful 44 year marriage.
However, on occasion, the above still very much applies.

[watab kid]

22 hours ago, Capt. James H. Callahan said:

There are two theories on how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

JHC

i agree 

[Cypress Sun]

4 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

I reckon , it pays to stay single  

 

 my Lab , is happy when I when I am around 

 

  CB 

 

 

 

That's the difference between a wife and a dog. If your wife was locked in the trunk of a car and your dog was locked in the trunk of another car...which one would you want to open? 

Your dog would be happy to see you with his tail wagging like crazy.

Your wife...not so much but I'll bet her tongue would be wagging like crazy...not to mention tire irons and such.

 

Disclaimer - I would never put a dog in a car trunk.

[Pat Riot]

33 minutes ago, Cypress Sun said:

 

That's the difference between a wife and a dog. If your wife was locked in the trunk of a car and your dog was locked in the trunk of another car...which one would you want to open? 

Your dog would be happy to see you with his tail wagging like crazy.

Your wife...not so much but I'll bet her tongue would be wagging like crazy...not to mention tire irons and such.

 

Disclaimer - I would never put a dog in a car trunk.

Curious as to how you got her in there. 

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

that is easy , throw a jewelry box in there , then slam the trunk closed 

 

won't work for me as I drive pickups 

 

  CB 

[Michigan Slim]

My Pa told me that the most important thing I could say in an argument is nuthin. Nuthin at all. STFU. He was right.

[Texas Maverick]

18 hours ago, Windy City Kid said:

When she says she's mad, tie a towel around her neck, like a cape. Then say "Now You're Super Mad!" Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe she'll shoot you in your sleep. 

Only problem with this is you are STANDING WAY TOO CLOSE to her when you do it. Not gonna end well for you.

 

TM

[Capt. James H. Callahan]

On 3/8/2024 at 6:16 AM, Michigan Slim said:

My Pa told me that the most important thing I could say in an argument is nuthin. Nuthin at all. STFU. He was right.

Overall good advice I'd say, however there are times you have to pick your battles and stand your ground.

JMHO

 

JHC

[watab kid]

8 hours ago, Capt. James H. Callahan said:

Overall good advice I'd say, however there are times you have to pick your battles and stand your ground.

JMHO

 

JHC

amen to that , sometimes walk away , sometimes just say nuthin , but if your sure of the high ground stand on it with a respectful grace ....ive found being above the battle helps a bit , i prefer never having issues , i could work thru everything without one , but there is something in the plumbing that prevents that in some cases