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The Retrosexual Code


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While I was at the gym this morning, a friend was telling us about having to change a tire on his son's car. His son is in his 30s, and apparently can't change a TIRE by himself. It made me think of this, so I decided that it needed posting and discussing again. 

 

 

 

The Retrosexual Code

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn’t worry about living to be 90. It’s not how long you live, but how well. If you’re 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he’s 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.

This falls under the “Dealing with IT” portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with “Queer” in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little puss, and in the long run, she ain’t worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn’t pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie – and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can’t hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can – or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it’s just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man’s favorite movie isn’t “Maid in Manhattan” (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.” Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc.

*When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted “you punks” look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship – i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

*A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

*A Retrosexual man doesn’t need a contract — a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

* * * * *

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I am a man taught the rules of being a man and  gentleman as a kid.
My crotch equipment nor theories of what others do with their crotch equipment nor the need to be labeled dictate how I conduct my life. Because lazy morons and self absorbed people do not teach their children well it is no reason for me to have to identify with a label, their label.

 

I am a man. An American man. That is my label. They can shove their labels and keep them to themselves. I am not a feeble minded twit that needs others approval or disdain. I am a man. 
 

 

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20 minutes ago, Pat Riot said:

I am a man taught the rules of being a man and  gentleman as a kid.
My crotch equipment nor theories of what others do with their crotch equipment nor the need to be labeled dictate how I conduct my life. Because lazy morons and self absorbed people do not teach their children well it is no reason for me to have to identify with a label, their label.

 

I am a man. An American man. That is my label. They can shove their labels and keep them to themselves. I am not a feeble minded twit that needs others approval or disdain. I am a man. 
 

 

I know how to tie a Windsor knot but both the Army and Marine Corps made us wear a four-in-hand knot, so I know both....but I never used a four-in-hand after I left the Corps.

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1 hour ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

While I was at the gym this morning, a friend was telling us about having to change a tire on his son's car. His son is in his 30s, and apparently can't change a TIRE by himself. It made me think of this, so I decided that it needed posting and discussing again. 

 

 

 

The Retrosexual Code

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn’t worry about living to be 90. It’s not how long you live, but how well. If you’re 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he’s 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.

This falls under the “Dealing with IT” portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with “Queer” in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little puss, and in the long run, she ain’t worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn’t pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie – and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can’t hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can – or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it’s just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man’s favorite movie isn’t “Maid in Manhattan” (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.” Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc.

*When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted “you punks” look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship – i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

*A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

*A Retrosexual man doesn’t need a contract — a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

* * * * *

My first thought was how come your friend didn’t teach his son to change a tire? It’s partially his fault for not teaching him. I taught both my sons to change tires when they were in their teens! 

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A Retrosexual is competent in a wide range of things, strives to always do what is right, and doesn't give a rat's hind end about long lists of things he's supposed to do.

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40 minutes ago, Rye Miles #13621 said:

My first thought was how come your friend didn’t teach his son to change a tire? It’s partially his fault for not teaching him. I taught both my sons to change tires when they were in their teens! 

That's what we were giving him crap about. It's completely his fault for not teaching him. His only response was "Well he makes good money". 

But at least part of the problem is that his son doesn't want to learn. He's always over at his son's place doing things for him and the son doesn't even pretend he wants to participate. He just lets his dad do for him. 

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35 minutes ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

But at least part of the problem is that his son doesn't want to learn. He's always over at his son's place doing things for him and the son doesn't even pretend he wants to participate. He just lets his dad do for him. 

 

Since his son "makes good money" Dad needs to start charging him the going rate for repairs and stop enabling his son.  Or his son can call AAA or a handyman.  

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29 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

Since his son "makes good money" Dad needs to start charging him the going rate for repairs and stop enabling his son.  Or his son can call AAA or a handyman.  

His son HAS AAA. My friend just didn't want him to have to wait on them.:wacko:

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My daughter can change a tire on her horse trailer in a snow storm, bone out an elk, reload ammo or be a lady when needed.  My nephew wears make up……nuf said.

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My wife wasn't allowed to have a car until she could do a tune up and change a tire and a belt. All done on '64 Impala 283! She did it all, but her brother then me, did the mechanical work for her. She has changed several tires over the years! Got her Camaro home with one leg of her panty hose when she lost a fan belt. Even figured out she should only run the water pump and keep electric needs to a minimum. :wub: And yes, she can drive a standard just fine!

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13 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Unfortunately, there are far too many males exactly like this

(ADDED:  I WATCHED IN DARK MODE, SO IT ENDED UP BLACK ON BLACK HERE.  THAT IS AN X/TWITTER LINK

)

https://x.com/ClownWorld_/status/1746846862873862497?s=20

 

 

I don't twit.

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When the only work they ever have done was at the gym, their hands have never been dirty, their fingernails are perfect, they have never had job, a boss or a supervisor, and they think there are eight genders,  you have a Gavin Newsom --  Just the way everybody wants their son to turn out.   

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I'm an old farm boy.  I've done engine overhaules, body work, built 2 home and numerous outbuildings,  maintained all types of equipment,  repaired guns,  but when we had a flat on the Ford F150, we had to watch YouTube videos to figure out how to get the spare tire down from its storage place. 

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Watching that video was annoying and reminded me of a time when I pulled over to help 2 woman on the freeway in SoCal. They had their hood up and they were just standing there. I pulled over then backed my truck to their vehicle. They both ran to the back of their vehicle   They were afraid. I actually didn’t blame them. 
I asked what was wrong. They both started yelling at the same time then I heard one say “We don’t need a man here.” (Freeway noise is bad. One has to yell to make sure you’re heard)

I had my cell phone out getting ready to call AAA using my account to get them help when I heard that. 
“You don’t need a man here? A man that has triple A and a phone?”

”No!” In unison. 
“Bye…by the way. It’s getting dark. Have a good evening.”

I got in my truck then called 911 which went directly to the CHP. I reported the women and their troubles. The lady dispatcher asked why I didn’t want to stick around. I told her these two don’t need a man helping them. She kind of laughed then thanked me for helping anyway. She said she’d let the officer know to tell the women you decided to help anyway.

 

That isn’t the first time I encountered something like that. 

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1 minute ago, Warden Callaway said:

I'm an old farm boy.  I've done engine overhaules, body work, built 2 home and numerous outbuildings,  maintained all types of equipment,  repaired guns,  but when we had a flat on the Ford F150, we had to watch YouTube videos to figure out how to get the spare tire down from its storage place. 

Most vehicles have an owner’s manual. Very helpful to read when you get a different vehicle. You can also get them on eBay. 
 

 

Pat (Just bustin’ yer chops) Riot :P

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1 hour ago, Pat Riot said:

Most vehicles have an owner’s manual. Very helpful to read when you get a different vehicle. You can also get them on eBay. 
 

 

Pat (Just bustin’ yer chops) Riot :P

The owner's manual was about an inch thick and was 90% about the electronic features.  I don't think they intended for anyone to change a tire. The big problem was it had a locked plug in a hole in the bumper.  Absolutely worst place for crud and corrosion.  Then to configure the jack crank handle right and find the exact spot to get to the gearbox to lower the tire. Clockwise? Counter clockwise?  It was frozen up. 20 lbs of dirt and gravel in the spare. 

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8 minutes ago, Warden Callaway said:

The owner's manual was about an inch thick and was 90% about the electronic features. 

 

Only an inch thick?  Must be an older vehicle!

The other 90% is warnings and disclaimers.  :lol:  Some might show a sketch of where the jack and associated implements are stowed, but then there is the challenge of figuring out how to get the seat to fold down or lift up to gain access to the access panel to get the stowed tools.  After the first use I usually just let them stay on the floor in the back.  

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2 hours ago, Warden Callaway said:

I'm an old farm boy.  I've done engine overhaules, body work, built 2 home and numerous outbuildings,  maintained all types of equipment,  repaired guns,  but when we had a flat on the Ford F150, we had to watch YouTube videos to figure out how to get the spare tire down from its storage place. 

It's a Ford.

That means everything is linked through the computer and expensive fuses. 

 And to find things in their manual, you look up the verb.  Instead of looking up "tire" or "wheel" for a tire change, you look under 'c' for "change a tire". 

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Back when Schoolmarm and I were just past newlyweds, I took a weekend job changing the engine, (actually pulling, rebuilding, and reinstalling the engine) on a truck belonging to a guy I worked with.

 

I also needed to swap engines in two of my own vehicles.

 

Luckily we had a nice little garage to work in and it was a three day weekend. I backed my two cars in next to each other, a ‘64 Impala with a 327 and a ‘72 Vega wagon that I’d dropped a 409 V8 into, and jacked them both up and set ‘em on jackstands.

 

I proceded to pull the engine out of the truck and verbally directed Schoolmarm through unbolting everything on both of the cars.

 

As soon as I finished setting the truck engine on the engine stand, I helped her hook the chains to the Impala engine and she pulled it out and removed the clutch and flywheel while I pulled the heads and pan off of the truck engine.

 

Long story shortened, she pulled the engine out of the Vega, I swapped the flywheels and lined up the clutch for the 409 in the Impala, (the Vega was an automatic) and she put both engines back into their respective vehicles while I ran down the last few parts and honed, cleaned, and reassembled the truck engine!

 

She drove the Vega home and got cleaned up while I finished the truck and I only had to set the distributor for her and do a quick test drive for her to get that done.

 

On the ‘64, I adjusted the clutch, set the distributor, welded the new collector adapters for the headers, and sent her home with it.

 

I test drove the truck, collected my money, and drove the company truck that was assigned to me home.

 

She could do anything on a car that she had the strength to do!  She pretty much quit mechanicing after Hatfield was born, but they both worked the pits when we drag raced and ain’t nobody can polish up a race car like she can!

 

Probably better qualified for a “man card” than half the men I know! <_<:lol:

 

 

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I think its neat that they are trying to get it done.  I applaud you guys (gender neutral) for never having considered failure when attempting something you have never attempted.  I did of course laugh because mostly she was saying things I have thought while plunging ahead.  I don't know how much money or miles of shoe leather experience has cost me.  The red can is gasoline, the yellow can is diesel, the blue can is water.  Experience.  Or flying along at 11,500 ft over the Bitter Root Range ( A very rough range of mountains in Idaho) you're flying a glider.  Experience.  

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Lest it’s forgotten, Schoolmarm is a multi time Tennessee State Women’s Black Powder SASS Champion, she rides her own motorcycle, has been repeatedly recognized for her accomplishments in teaching, and she’s a girlie girl that can cook!!

 

 

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12 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

A Retrosexual is competent in a wide range of things, strives to always do what is right, and doesn't give a rat's hind end about long lists of things he's supposed to do.

amen to that - its just life and we live it , 

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11 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

His son HAS AAA. My friend just didn't want him to have to wait on them.:wacko:

enabler , 

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4 hours ago, Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619 said:

I've changed a lot of tires but I won't do it anymore. Haven't for years.

 

Then, the minivan I have now has run-flat tires and no spare.

Did the spare have any air pressure in it?   A lot of spares are useless as people don't lower them (breaking it free of the crud) and air them to proper pressure.

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I don't know about the Retrosexual thing .

But your reference is what is known as a Man ! 

This is the way most Men was pryer to the 1980's 

 

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16 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

That's what we were giving him crap about. It's completely his fault for not teaching him. His only response was "Well he makes good money". 

But at least part of the problem is that his son doesn't want to learn. He's always over at his son's place doing things for him and the son doesn't even pretend he wants to participate. He just lets his dad do for him. 

 

A big bag of gold doesn't mean **** when you're drowning and don't know how to swim.

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5 hours ago, sassnetguy50 said:

Did the spare have any air pressure in it?   A lot of spares are useless as people don't lower them (breaking it free of the crud) and air them to proper pressure.

Looking at new cars a couple of years ago, we asked the Ford salesman to show us the spare tire. Opened the back hatch on the Edge and lifted the floor panel to see a full size tire. It was a big positive feature.  They have discontinued the Edge. Retooling for cars of the future that run on solar and wind power.

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4 hours ago, Rooster Ron Wayne said:

I don't know about the Retrosexual thing .

But your reference is what is known as a Man ! 

This is the way most Men was pryer to the 1980's 

 

In about the early 2000s, there was a trend where some men were starting to be "feminized", if you will. Fancy clothes, hair, even wearing makeup. These "men" were called "Metrosexuals". The Retrosexual Code was an answer to that trend describing how men used to be and still should be. 

Even if the metrosexual trend is gone, there are still too many "men" today that can't or won't do the type of things most of us here learned and did from the earliest parts of our lives. The code reminds us , in retrospect, of the way men used to be, and sometimes need to be even in todays world. 

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Every generation has Nancy boys and every generation has boys that grow to be men. Every couple of generations there is a reset. Every generation there is a bunch of men up in a tither because young men don’t meet their idea of what the young men should be or should be doing. 
 

Life goes on. Life evolves. Life is to be lived. ;)
 

 

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