Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 19 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said: JFWIW, I was a Second Lieutenant at the age of 23, but a mighty fine hand with a map and compass from the time I was 11 or 12 years old. So there!!! PFFFFFtttt! Sure you were, Forty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. R. Hugh Kidnme Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 I like "he/she's keeping the dream alive by hitting the snooze button" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassalong Hopidy Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 Half a bubble off plumb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 If he was a car and brains were gasoline, he wouldn't make it around the block.... Only person I have ever met who damaged an anvil with a feather duster... When they passed out brains he thought they said stains and politely said "no thanks".... If he ever had an idea in his head it probably died of loneliness.... Graduating 3rd grade was the highlight of the first 16 years of his life... Were you born that dumb, or did you go to a special school?... Regards Gateway Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 5 hours ago, Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 said: Sure you were, Forty. Well, I got by pretty well until last week when I finally broke down and bought a GPS gizmo for my car. I used it to find a restaurant in Prescot... about 7 miles away... and within a block of my house it went loco and tried to send me up to Ash Fork, 53 miles and 90 degrees north of where I wanted to go. I have to figure out how to stop the thing and get it restarted on its course without turning it off and unplugging it and waiting overnight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 14 hours ago, Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 said: Sure you were, Forty. Just follow the axe marks on the trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wild Will Bartell Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 Ok, here goes.... Dumb as a stump Couldn’t find his a$$ in a phone booth with both hands in his back pockets. AND a road map!! He don’t know whether to scratch his watch, or wind his a$$ When someone is nervous, cold or under a lot of pressure-“ He’s shakin’ like a dog shi##ing peach pits” When it’s raining hard- “It’s rainin’ like a fat cow pi$$in’ on a flat rock” When people ask how I am, I’ll reply: ”If I was any happier, I’d be twins!” ” If I was any happier, I’d have to hire you to help me enjoy it!” And then there’s “Gooder n’ grits!” If I’m really busy, I’m “busier than a one -armed paper hanger- with hives!” I have others, but this is a family show.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramblin Gambler Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 How are you? Well, I could complain, but then you'd just think I was a whiner. If I was any better, they'd raise my taxes. What's going on? I don't know, they don't tell me nuthin I'm just a mushroom. They keep me in the dark and feed me S**t That boy aint right Not the sharpest spoon in the door Aint got the sense God gave a billy goat Not qualified to be a low speed yo-yo operator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 Don't tell other folks your problems. Half of them don't care and the other half thinks you had it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Angus McPherson Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 One of my favorites, from my grandmother: He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. I used to say of one of my supervisors: He could [screw] up a one man parade. (Because he could) When asked how I'm doing I usually answer "OK so far" Sometimes I'll reply: "I can't complain. Nobody'd listen anyhow." Angus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tequila Jim #14501 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 2 quarts low on a 5 quart chassy . TJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smuteye John SASS#24774 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 An elderly gentleman that I grew up going to church with would occasionally answer the question, "How are you doing?" with "Finer than snuff but not half as dusty." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 "How are you?" I'm obnoxious, thanks for asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 When someone asks you how old you are, reply... "Old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tennessee williams Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 My dad used to say I was moving around more than fart in a skillet. Ive used: you're more confused than a fart in a fan factory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manassas Jack Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 The boy is as useful as a football bat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The O'Meara Himself Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Dumber than a barrel of hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 All the above would have been good except y'all are so rude. Bless your heart. You should have said either before or after your saying: "Bless his heart." Sometimes that's all that needs saying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keystone, SASS # 47578 Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 Well, From Mr. Richards, my 12th grade high school American History teacher at West York Area HS in York, Pa," You're like the rim on a bucket, all around it but not in it." Usually directed at one of the male students in the class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 On 12/18/2017 at 10:04 AM, Trailrider #896 said: When somebody asks, "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" I may reply, "Not worth a damn, but thanks for asking!" Is that your wife's opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 just heard on the TV Lennie Brisco: Let's put it this way, his piano stool is missing a leg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 I have been reading a space opera, a series of sifi novels, not based on Star Trek or Star Wars, though there are many of those: "Not firing on all thrusters" I know there is a comparable statement about not firing on all cylinders but just seeing this made me wake up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.