Dustin Checotah Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 A couple they use up this way "Numb as a pounded thumb" "Numb as a hake" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pulp, SASS#28319 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 “If intelligence was fatal you’d live forever” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorado Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Wheel's spinnin', but the hamster's dead... ^^^^my favorite^^^^ 'Bout as sharp as a wet paper bag. When someone's done something really stupid: You $#!+ your brains out this mornin'?! Forget your little red helmet? You've got your head so far up your @$$ you're seein' teeth! Why don't you go sit on your hands over there so you don't screw this up any more. Guess you'd be safe from those brain starved zombies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trailrider #896 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 More dangerous than a 2nd Lieutenant with a map! (Yeah, I was one once. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Kris Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I like to make people think so I tend to scramble things......Just to watch them scratch their heads........ Not the brightest knife in the deck A few bricks short of a loaf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillelagh Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 His train of thought is all cabooses. If someone asks how is it going... Down hill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yul Lose Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 He’s dumber than a fence post. He’s as sharp as a marble. If brains was gasoline you couldn’t power a piss ants motorcycle around a B.B. twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 1 hour ago, Trailrider #896 said: More dangerous than a 2nd Lieutenant with a map! (Yeah, I was one once. ) JFWIW, I was a Second Lieutenant at the age of 23, but a mighty fine hand with a map and compass from the time I was 11 or 12 years old. So there!!! PFFFFFtttt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I just read your horoscope. If you had been born three days earlier you would have been funny, intelligent, and personable. Sorry you missed it so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 He's jumping around like a fart in a skillet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tennessee williams Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 *Nuttier than the outhouse at a peanut festival. *Hes about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt. *He's so lost he could throw his self on the ground and miss. *I think he just fell off the turnip wagon. *You got a turnip in your pocket?(see above) *He looks like his face caught fire and somebody beat it out with a boot. * He's uglier than a skillet full of fried buttholes. *I'm so broke if someone robbed me, they'd just be practicing. Had to throw those last few in there for good measure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Bright as a cave! Holds a patent on stupid! Dumber than a grubbin’ hoe! Bread ain’t done! Lost as last year’s Easter Egg! Mama says he’s special! Put his brains in a billy goat’s head and he’d butt with his @$$! (my dad’s favorite) If his brains was dynamite, the blast wouldn’t blow his nose. The headphones she’s listening to only say “Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.” If his brains were fertilizer he couldn’t grow dirt!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 ALSO!! Got the market cornered on dumb! Their corn don’t pop! Ain’t got sense enough to get in outta the rain!! If she had a brain she’d be dangerous! His ship’s sailed but it ain’t got a rudder!! Nuttier than a squirrel turd! The leading nominee for a Darwin Award!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smuteye John SASS#24774 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 10 hours ago, Tyrel Cody said: He/she isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. I favor the variant, "They ain't the sharpest spoon in the drawer." If they are really bad, then it's a soup spoon. And being in the South, I can always just look down, shake my head and say, "Bless their heart." I try to save that one for special occasions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smuteye John SASS#24774 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 2 hours ago, Shillelagh said: If someone asks how is it going... Down hill. ... And gaining speed. Or, at least, that's how I usually say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Ron Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Howdy, I refer pards to youtube....clint eastwood quotes. There are about 10 minutes of em. Caution, drink coffee at your own risk while watching. Best CR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardcase Hardin Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Their cornbread ain't done in the middle. Not the brightest star in the constellation. Not the bright bulb in the chandelier. Ok, this is s**t, this is shinola. Just to see if they're payin attention........c'mon now, it ain't rocket surgery. How am I doin? Woke up on the green side of the dirt, its a start. I usta DRIVE the short bus and I fit right in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawdog Dago Dom Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 "I bet for the first year of your life, your father threw rocks at the stork." Says Groucho to Chico in a movie I can't name just yet. Need more coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hashknife Cowboy Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 As sharp as a bowling ball... Poster child for birth control.... That is why some mammals eat their young.... Bless your heart... Next time you are feeling really important, try ordering someone else's dog around... and #1 is, In God we trust... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 He marches to a different kettle of fish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Barleycorn, SASS #76982 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 He's out where the busses don't run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 A good argument for retroactive birth control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trailrider #896 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 12 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said: JFWIW, I was a Second Lieutenant at the age of 23, but a mighty fine hand with a map and compass from the time I was 11 or 12 years old. So there!!! PFFFFFtttt! In point of fact, back when I was old enough to read (about age 8, IIRC), and we travelled mostly by road, my Dad taught me to read a map and navigate for him. That was about 1950, before the Interstate Highway system was in being. I needed to be able to read aerial charts in college, and when I did become a 2LT, road maps to the missile sites up Montana way. And they could be very confusing. Only got lost on a couple of occasions in one area where everybody got lost! Never did get them to correct the errors in those site maps! At night, when another maintenance team was on the site, you could see the site lights, but still couldn't get on the correct road without backtracking a couple of times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trailrider #896 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 When somebody asks, "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" I may reply, "Not worth a damn, but thanks for asking!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-BAR #18287 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 9 minutes ago, Trailrider #896 said: When somebody asks, "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" I may reply, "Not worth a damn, but thanks for asking!" I like that. My usual response is, “Too early to tell.” It gets some interesting looks when I say in the afternoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Not too bad, still vertical & on the green side of the turf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. R. Hugh Kidnme Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Damn, he is nearly adequate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 2 hours ago, J-BAR #18287 said: I like that. My usual response is, “Too early to tell.” It gets some interesting looks when I say in the afternoon. If I say "Too early to tell," I always follow up with "too late to make a difference." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 A friend of mine used to be fond of saying "He ain't got the common sense God gave a crowbar." Then there's always the Drill Sergeant classic "Did your parents have any kids that lived?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 About the "how are you" question, my mother always said to answer "Fine, thank you." Nowadays, it seems everyone says "Fine, and you/yourself." I guess their mommas taught them different. IMHO "have a nice day" is more sincere than "how are you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Ron Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Howdy, Usually I say, I thought you were supposed to know...... That's when my DOCTOR asks.... What a question for a Doc to lead with when Im there for a checkup. Often I answer , 'Im still moving, makes a harder target.' Best CR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smuteye John SASS#24774 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 2 hours ago, Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 said: About the "how are you" question, my mother always said to answer "Fine, thank you." Nowadays, it seems everyone says "Fine, and you/yourself." I guess their mommas taught them different. IMHO "have a nice day" is more sincere than "how are you." I answer, "How are you," with either, "Fine, thank you," if I don't want to hear how they are doing or "Fine, and you," if I do. It doesn't work out as planned every time but I am not leaving the door open to having to listen to everybody complain about their day, lives, peeves and ills. "Have a nice day," is one you can have fun with if you want to play the argumentative grump with it. "What if I don't want to have a nice day? Why are you being so bossy? What about my wants? What about my needs?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lead Monger Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Built too low to the ground. The high ones go right over his head. Toys in the attic. Dumb as a bag of hammers. Stares don't go all the way to the top. Lights are on but nobody's home. Aint playing with a full deck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawdog Dago Dom Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I like what George Carlin used to say when asked how he was doing. He would reply, "I am not unwell." Said he got a lot of funny looks with that line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MizPete Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 On 12/17/2017 at 2:47 PM, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: He can’t find his a** with both hands. and a flashlight. Don't forget the flashlight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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