Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 Laughter courtesy of Death Valley Rose.... snowed last night... 8:00 am: I made a snowman. 8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 - So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit, and said it should have been two snow men instead. 8:22 - The transgender man... woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose since veggies are food and not used to decorate snow figures. 8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 - The middle eastern guy across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up. 8:40 - The police arrived, saying someone had been offended. 8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43 - The council of equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45 - A TV news crew showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs", and I am now called a sexist. 9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services. 9:29 - Far left/right protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested. By noon, all the snow had melted Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is exactly what we have become.....all caused by Snowflakes.
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 8 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: I broke handlebars, forks and both front and rear wheels doing that (but no bones)!!!!!
Pat Riot Posted February 13, 2021 Author Posted February 13, 2021 Just now, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: I broke handlebars, forks and both front and rear wheels doing that (but no bones)!!!!! Same here... My Dad drew the line at me jumping his station wagon...we had a ramp built and everything. The college girl next door let me jump her Volkswagen Beetle. I made it! Ta-Dahhh
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 9 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: I especially like Dad sitting on the step, "My boy can do that!"
Alpo Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 But who is the hero there? Evil boll weevil Jr, or those five morons he's jumping over? And ain't that Billy Carter sitting on the stoop?
Abilene Slim SASS 81783 Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Alpo said: But who is the hero there? Evil boll weevil Jr, or those five morons he's jumping over? And ain't that Billy Carter sitting on the stoop? Whoever is sitting on the stoop is likely reminiscing about all the stupid s*** he did back in his day.
Alpo Posted February 13, 2021 Posted February 13, 2021 That reminds me of a Lewis Grizzard story. These two guys is sitting in the stands at a Georgia game, and down by the Georgia bench Uga is bent over licking his little boy dog parts. One guy nudged his friend and pointed, and said, "I wish I could do that". His friend replied, "He'll bite youuu".
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 All things being equal, fat people require more soap.
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 28 minutes ago, Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 said: All things being equal, fat people require more soap. ............ profound ....
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 7 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said: But, she doesn't have her mouth hanging open. 6 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Yep!
Alpo Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 The mighty son of Asgard went to a singles bar, where he picked up a young lady and they went back to her place. They spent the entire night making love. The next morning, while she was in the bathroom, he realized that he had never introduced himself. When she came back to the bedroom he looked over at her and said, "I am Thor". With a cute little lisp, she replied, "You're thore? I'm tho thore I could hardly pith."
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 Never trust anyone who can spell gonorrhea right on the first try.
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Michigan Slim said: This was too good not to share...and I did.
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 I was just thinking: You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,"
Sedalia Dave Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Michigan Slim said: OOH RAH Falls are the number one cause of accidental injury
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