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Friday Humor - jump in and add some


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Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."  The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"  "Yes, Father, it is."  "And who was the girl you were with?"  "I ca

The Church and the Saloon. In a small mid-western conservative town, a saloon owner started construction on a new building to open up his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to bl

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:ph34r:   Laughter courtesy of Death Valley Rose....

 

 

 snowed last night...

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit, and said it should have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man... woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose since veggies are food and not used to decorate snow figures.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern guy across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 - The police arrived, saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council of equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - A TV news crew  showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs", and I am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left/right protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon, all the snow had melted

Moral:  There is no moral to this story.
 It is exactly what we have become.....all caused by Snowflakes.

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Just now, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

 

I broke handlebars, forks and both front and rear wheels doing that (but no bones)!!!!!:wacko:

Same here...

 

My Dad drew the line at me jumping his station wagon...we had a ramp built and everything. :D

The college girl next door let me jump her Volkswagen Beetle. I made it! Ta-Dahhh :D

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But who is the hero there? Evil boll weevil Jr, or those five morons he's jumping over?

 

And ain't that Billy Carter sitting on the stoop?

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1 hour ago, Alpo said:

But who is the hero there? Evil boll weevil Jr, or those five morons he's jumping over?

 

And ain't that Billy Carter sitting on the stoop?

Whoever is sitting on the stoop is likely reminiscing about all the stupid s*** he did back in his day. ^_^

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That reminds me of a Lewis Grizzard story.

 

These two guys is sitting in the stands at a Georgia game, and down by the Georgia bench Uga is bent over licking his little boy dog parts.

 

One guy nudged his friend and pointed, and said, "I wish I could do that".

 

His friend replied, "He'll bite youuu".

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It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?”

 

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,   "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

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The mighty son of Asgard went to a singles bar, where he picked up a young lady and they went back to her place. They spent the entire night making love.

 

The next morning, while she was in the bathroom, he realized that he had never introduced himself.

 

When she came back to the bedroom he looked over at her and said, "I am Thor".

 

With a cute little lisp, she replied, "You're thore? I'm tho thore I could hardly pith."

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A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,"

The Cross-Eyed Bear | Steve McCutchen's Cavalcade of Awesomeness

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