"Dear Widder" thread... free advice.

[Widder, SASS #59054]

Ya know, after reading multiple threads and comments about relationships, etc.....   I thought I would just start a "Dear Widder" thread and help all you good Pards out with free advice.

 

So, go ahead and post your problems on here and I'll give you sound, time tested, advice that could enhance your relationships.   Guaranteed you will either grow closer to your love one or closer to your dog... 

 

..........Widder

 

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

Dear Widder-What if your 'loved one', IS your Dog? 

OLG

[Calico Mary]

Dear Widder,

 

I'd ask fer help wit a relationship....cept I ain't in one and no one is interested.....do you know of any places where desperate blind guys hang out?  or should I just settle for a cat?

 

signed,

Lonely in Ohio

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

12 minutes ago, The Original Lumpy Gritz said:

Dear Widder-What if your 'loved one', IS your Dog? 

OLG

 

Dear Dog Lover:

You got it made.   Whether you wear a wig or if your butt is too big, your dog will never growl and show any indifference.

Just be sure to change the flea collar when needed.

 

..........Widder

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

6 minutes ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

I'd ask fer help wit a relationship....cept I ain't in one and no one is interested.....do you know of any places where desperate blind guys hang out?  or should I just settle for a cat?

 

signed,

Lonely in Ohio

 

 

Dear Lonely in Ohio:

Don't feel to despaired.   A LOT of people who live in Ohio would be much better off all by themselves.

Matter of fact, the more members of the family in Ohio, the worst the situation.   Just look at the Ohio St. football team..... 

 

..........Widder

 

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

8 minutes ago, Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054 said:

 

Dear Dog Lover:

Just be sure to change the flea collar when needed.

 

..........Widder

 

 I don't wear one. 

OLG

[Tyrel Cody]

Dear Widder,

 

I told my wife she was wrong...

 

 

[Calico Mary]

I'd look at tha Ohio St. football team, but I NOZ they ain't gonna look back...besides, that big of age difference is disgusting....

 

 

and Tyrel, not even Widder can help you now....

[Sgt. Saywut]

Dear Widder,

 

What is the meaning of life?

[Warden Callaway]

I can contribute some free advice also.

 

Don't eat the yellow snow!

[Dorado]

Dear Widder,

 

What brand of plastic wrap is best for covering the toilet bowl? Any good recipes for itching powder?

 

Anonymous

[evil dogooder]

1 hour ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

I'd ask fer help wit a relationship....cept I ain't in one and no one is interested.....do you know of any places where desperate blind guys hang out?  or should I just settle for a cat?

 

signed,

Lonely in Ohio

 

How about a desperate blind cat? 

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

Dear Widder,

 

It turns out my wife, my girlfriend and my secretary are best friends and play bridge and bingo together and belong to the same women's club in town.

 

Am I in trouble?

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

1 hour ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Dear Widder,

 

It turns out my wife, my girlfriend and my secretary are best friends and play bridge and bingo together and belong to the same women's club in town.

 

Am I in trouble?

Only, if you're a member -

OLG

[Calico Mary]

Dear Widder,

 

Why do guys lie and say things like "you're a special person, anyone would be lucky to have you" and "you have a really good heart, that's the important thing" when all they ever really mean is "you ugly dog, no one in their right mind would touch you with a ten foot pole, you're just good for a few laughs"??  Why can't guys just tell the truth?  That all that matters is either how pretty a woman is or how young or both?  Are women really that scary or are men just morons that can't figure out women know they are lying?

 

Signed,

Confused

[Abilene Slim SASS 81783]

3 hours ago, Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054 said:

 

Dear Dog Lover:

You got it made.   Whether you wear a wig or if your butt is too big, your dog will never growl and show any indifference.

Just be sure to change the flea collar when needed.

 

..........Widder

 

Oops, Lumpy beat me to the punchline.  

[Abilene Slim SASS 81783]

Dear Widder,

 

My wife prefers the company of her cats over me. Should I buy a new gun to raise my self-esteem?

[Eyesa Horg]

10 minutes ago, Abilene Slim SASS 81783 said:

Dear Widder,

 

My wife prefers the company of her cats over me. Should I buy a new gun to raise my self-esteem?

Yes--And explain NOOO I'm not selling the old one

[Marshal Dan Troop 70448]

Just now, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

Why do guys lie and say things like "you're a special person, anyone would be lucky to have you" and "you have a really good heart, that's the important thing" when all they ever really mean is "you ugly dog, no one in their right mind would touch you with a ten foot pole, you're just good for a few laughs"??  Why can't guys just tell the truth?  That all that matters is either how pretty a woman is or how young or both?  Are women really that scary or are men just morons that can't figure out women know they are lying?

 

Signed,

Confused

Just to jump in here. I knew a gal that said that also, it was recommended she get a shorter pole.  MT

[Charlie Harley, #14153]

3 hours ago, Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054 said:

 

Dear Dog Lover:

You got it made.   Whether you wear a wig or if your butt is too big, your dog will never growl and show any indifference.

Just be sure to change the flea collar when needed.

 

..........Widder

 

There's a country song in there...

 

 

[G W Wade]

MEN SHOULD NEVER GIVE ADVICE>       a woman wrote for advise.   I left for work this morning and got 2 miles down the road before my car sputtered and died. NO cell phone service so walked home. By the time I got there the neighbors car was in the driveway.  Peering in the window, saw the neighbors wife and my husband doing it on my coach.    What should I do?   Well , the first thing wpuld tp check see if the choke is stuck on! Then etc etc                           GW

[Ramblin Gambler]

4 hours ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

I'd ask fer help wit a relationship....cept I ain't in one and no one is interested.....do you know of any places where desperate blind guys hang out?  or should I just settle for a cat?

 

signed,

Lonely in Ohio

 

 

when I was dating I always said I needed a woman with bad eyesight and low self esteem.  My wife thought it was funny when we were dating.  Not so much now. 

 

As for the other question, maybe you just hang around with guys who are too nice.  Find some jerks and you'll get your fill of brutal honesty.  Perhaps those ohio state football players (since they've already been brought up).  I don't think they'll really care that you're so much younger than them. 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

4 hours ago, Tyrel Cody said:

Dear Widder,

 

I told my wife she was wrong...

 

 

 

Tyrel,

 

You should have clarified your statement after you realized your statement had been misinterpreted:     "Honey, you are WONG"  ...... Chinese word for beautiful and wise.      

Ya gotta be ready for these things my friend.

 

..........Widder

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

4 hours ago, Sgt. Saywut said:

Dear Widder,

 

What is the meaning of life?

 

Love, happiness, sharing and giving.

Love those around you.

Try to put a little sunshine into someones life everyday and share a smile.

Give of yourself.

 

..........Widder

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

3 hours ago, Dorado said:

Dear Widder,

 

What brand of plastic wrap is best for covering the toilet bowl? Any good recipes for itching powder?

 

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous:

 

"Surround" wrap.

For the inch:  wash with Octagon soap and then apply some baking powder.   A couple months from now, you'll never know you had a problem.... 

 

..........Widder

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

3 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Dear Widder,

 

It turns out my wife, my girlfriend and my secretary are best friends and play bridge and bingo together and belong to the same women's club in town.

 

Am I in trouble?

 

Dear Troubled in Arizona:

Only if one of the three is a heavy bet'r.  

But I must warn you that if you are gonna try to keep all three happy, you might have to move to Utah.

 

..........Widder

 

[Cypress Sun]

Dear Widder,

 

I feel like this is a old recollection, could this be true?

 

Dear Abby, John Prine

[Sgt. Saywut]

15 minutes ago, Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054 said:

 

Love, happiness, sharing and giving.

Love those around you.

Try to put a little sunshine into someones life everyday and share a smile.

Give of yourself.

 

..........Widder

 

 

 

I figured you’d say:

 

”The answer is 42.”

[Widder, SASS #59054]

2 hours ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

Why do guys lie and say things like "you're a special person, anyone would be lucky to have you" and "you have a really good heart, that's the important thing" when all they ever really mean is "you ugly dog, no one in their right mind would touch you with a ten foot pole, you're just good for a few laughs"??  Why can't guys just tell the truth?  That all that matters is either how pretty a woman is or how young or both?  Are women really that scary or are men just morons that can't figure out women know they are lying?

 

Signed,

Confused

 

Dear Confused:

Some Guys lie because its equivalent to a woman's lie's about her loving a rich man because he's a great man,  not because he has lots of money.

 

..........Widder

 

 

[Widder, SASS #59054]

1 hour ago, Abilene Slim SASS 81783 said:

Dear Widder,

 

My wife prefers the company of her cats over me. Should I buy a new gun to raise my self-esteem?

 

You're a wise man Abilene Slim.   A gun in the hand is better than 2 cats in the bush, any day.

 

..........Widder

 

[Cypress Sun]

2 hours ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

Why do guys lie and say things like "you're a special person, anyone would be lucky to have you" and "you have a really good heart, that's the important thing" when all they ever really mean is "you ugly dog, no one in their right mind would touch you with a ten foot pole, you're just good for a few laughs"??  Why can't guys just tell the truth?  That all that matters is either how pretty a woman is or how young or both?  Are women really that scary or are men just morons that can't figure out women know they are lying?

 

Signed,

Confused

 

Ain't Widder but......Old Chinese Proverb............. Man who tell truth all day, dead by sundown.

[Widder, SASS #59054]

10 minutes ago, Sgt. Saywut said:

 

 

I figured you’d say:

 

”The answer is 42.”

 

I would have but with my speech impediment, I have trouble pronouncing my 'W''s and 'R's.

 

..........Widder

 

[Michigan Slim]

3 hours ago, Calico Mary said:

Dear Widder,

 

Why do guys lie and say things like "you're a special person, anyone would be lucky to have you" and "you have a really good heart, that's the important thing" when all they ever really mean is "you ugly dog, no one in their right mind would touch you with a ten foot pole, you're just good for a few laughs"??  Why can't guys just tell the truth?  That all that matters is either how pretty a woman is or how young or both?  Are women really that scary or are men just morons that can't figure out women know they are lying?

 

Signed,

Confused

Yes, yes we are. Tracey says I'm a moron all the time. Might believe her someday

[Tyrel Cody]

1 hour ago, Widowmaker Hill SASS #59054 said:

 

Tyrel,

 

You should have clarified your statement after you realized your statement had been misinterpreted:     "Honey, you are WONG"  ...... Chinese word for beautiful and wise.      

Ya gotta be ready for these things my friend.

 

..........Widder

 

 

Unfortunately my wife has a very strong BS meter

[Calico Mary]

14 minutes ago, Michigan Slim said:

Yes, yes we are. Tracey says I'm a moron all the time. Might believe her someday

 

 

I believe Tracey.....