How to take care of the cat

[Alpo]

The girl is going out of town for a week. She is leaving explicit instructions for her mother and her new stepfather on how to take care of the cat.

 

The caution in the litter box cleaning step about not letting mama do it it's because mama is pregnant.

 

 

HOW TO CARE FOR FAT LOUIE WHILE I AM AWAY

A.M.:
In the morning, please fill Fat Louie’s bowl with DRY FOOD. Even if there is already food in the bowl, he likes to have some fresh served on top so he can feel like he is having breakfast like the rest of us.

In my bathroom is a BLUE PLASTIC CUP sitting by the bathtub. Please fill that every morning with water from the bathroom sink. You must use water from the bathroom sink, because water from the kitchen sink isn’t cold enough. And you have to put it in the BLUE CUP because that is the cup Fat Louie is used to drinking out of while I am brushing my teeth.

 

He has a bowl in the hallway outside my room. Rinse that out and fill it with water from the WATER FILTER PITCHER in the refrigerator. It must be water from the WATER FILTER PITCHER because even though New York tap is said to be contaminant-free, it is good for Louie to get at least some water that is definitely pure. Cats need to drink a lot of water to flush out their systems and prevent kidney and urinary tract infections, so always leave lots of water out, and not just by his food bowls, but other places as well.

Do not confuse the bowl in the hall with the BOWL BY THE CHRISTMAS TREE. That bowl is there to discourage Fat Louie from drinking out of the tree holder. Too much tree resin could make him constipated.

In the morning, Fat Louie likes to sit on the windowsill in my room and look at the pigeons on the fire escape. NEVER OPEN THIS WINDOW, but be sure the curtains are open so he can see out.

Also, sometimes he likes to look out the windows by the TV. If he cries while he is doing this, it means you should pet him.

P.M.:
At dinnertime, give Fat Louie CANNED FOOD. Fat Louie only likes three flavors: CHICKEN AND TUNA FEAST (FLAKED), SHRIMP AND FISH FEAST (FLAKED), and OCEAN FISH FEAST (FLAKED). He won’t eat anything with BEEF or PORK.

 

He must have the contents of the can on a new, CLEAN saucer, or he won’t eat. Also, he won’t eat if the contents don’t retain their CANLIKE SHAPE on the plate, so don’t chop up his food.

After eating his canned food, Fat Louie likes to stretch out on the carpet in front of the front door. This is a good time to give him his exercise. When he stretches out, just put your hand under his front legs and straighten them (he likes this) until he bends like a comma. Then dig your thumbs between his shoulder blades and give him a kitty massage. He will purr if you do it right. If you do it wrong you will know, because he will bite you.

Fat Louie gets bored very easily, and when he gets bored, he walks around crying, so here are some games he likes to play:

 

Take some pieces of CAT TREAT and line them up on top of the stereo for Fat Louie to knock off and chase.

 

Put Fat Louie in my COMPUTER CHAIR and then hide behind the bookshelf and throw one end of

a shoelace over the back of the chair so he can’t see where it is coming from.

 

Make a FORT out of pillows on my bed and put Fat Louie inside of it and then stick your hand into any openings between the pillows (I recommend wearing an oven mitt during this game).

 

Put some catnip in an OLD SOCK and throw it to Fat Louie. Then leave him alone for four to five hours, because catnip makes him a little free with his claws.

THE LITTER BOX:

Mr. Gianini, this one is for you. Mom must not clean out the litter box or touch anything that may have come in contact with it, or she might develop toxoplasmosis, and the baby might get sick. Always wash your hands in warm, soapy water after changing Fat Louie’s litter box, even if you don’t think you got anything on your hands.

Fat Louie’s box needs to be scooped out EVERY DAY. Always use clumping litter, and then just scoop out the clumps into a Grand Union bag and dispose. Nothing could be simpler. He tends to do number 2 about two hours after his evening meal. You will be able to tell from the odor wafting from his box in my bathroom.

MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL

Remember not to disturb Fat Louie’s SPECIAL AREA BEHIND THE TOILET in my bathroom. That is where he keeps his collection of shiny objects. If he takes something of yours and you find it there, be sure not to take it out while he is looking, or for weeks he will try to bite you every time he sees you. I talked to the vet about it, but she said short of hiring an animal behaviorist at $70/hr there is nothing that can be done. We just have to put up with it.

ABOVE ALL, BE SURE TO PICK FAT LOUIE UP SEVERAL TIMES A DAY AND HUG AND SQUEEZE HIM!!!!! (HE LIKES THIS.)

[Blackwater 53393]

Dear Daughter,

 

TAKE YOUR DAMNED CAT WITH YOU!!!

 

                        Love,

                         Mom ‘n’ Dad

[Redleg Reilly, SASS #46372]

Makes me remember that classic book "1000 uses for a dead cat."

[ptmn]

1. Remove all sources of water from Fat Louie for 3 days straight, he will be very thirsty on day 3.

2. On day 3, place a large bowl of soy sauce or teriyaki sauce out, Fat Louie will be so thirsty he will drink it all.

3. Drag a long piece of yarn around, Fat Louie will want to play. Make sure Fat Louie rolls around quite a bit while playing, the sauce will slosh around his insides.

4. Fat Louie will be very dirty from rolling around while playing. Clean him and relax his sore muscles with a nice warm bath in Soy Sauce.

5. Fat Louie will need to be dried off well after his bath. Break out the Kingsford charcoal and barbecue grill as a source of heat to dry him and to.....You figure out the rest.

[J-BAR #18287]

Anthropomorphism;  ascribing human characteristics to non-human things.

 

Fat Louie is a child substitute.  But she may or may not admit that.

[Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967]

5 hours ago, Redleg Reilly, SASS #46372 said:

Makes me remember that classic book "1000 uses for a dead cat."

 

 

Actually, it was only 101 uses....  

 

[Ozark Huckleberry]

Don't know the source -- a book? A cartoon? Social media? (A relative?) In any case, the fact that it made it into public realm it's probably been 'juiced up' a little to create a parody of an obsessed pet owner (more clicks for silliness). 

 

Have known pet owners that were well beyond what I would do, but even someone that goes this far -- doesn't effect my life. 

 

Mom and Mr. Gianini were asked to take care of the cat, they agreed. That they were asked implies the girl believed they could be trusted around the cat, so they probably knew the girl's relationship with the cat before they agreed, and that they agreed implies they were okay with it.

 

 

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, Ozark Huckleberry said:

Don't know the source -- a book?

The Princess Diaries 3. She is spending the Christmas holidays with her grandmother in her new country. So somebody has to take care of the cat.

[Sixgun Seamus]

We have varying number of cats at any one time. I consider them "barn cats" even though we don't have a barn. They are outside where they belong. We feed them regularly on the back porch and if they want more then go catch a mouse. They are rodent control since we live very rural surrounded by fields. I don't know and don't care where they sleep as long as they stay out of the garage. I know there are two litters of kittens out there somewhere. When the mother sees fit, she'll bring them to the back porch to learn to eat solid food. Some are friendly and some are wild. They are all well fed and never mistreated. I know this will pi$$ off some cat lovers but cats survived for a long time without the aid of man.

[Warden Callaway]

The only cats on my farm are feral cats.  They don't stay long. Got a few native cats. They are pretty elusive.  Only seen one in real time. Got another picture of one about a week ago.

 

[TN Mongo, SASS #61450]

Cats are far easier to take care of than dogs.  You can leave them for a few days with a proper food and water dispensers.  Joy of joys, we get to stop at my son's house every day next week to let out his two dogs during the workday (he's going to be out of town) because his "stay overnight" dog sitter is working during the day.  Owning dogs is like having children that never leave.

 

I grew up with dogs and still like them, but cats are wonderful creatures.  As a kid, I was never around cats; as an adult I can't imagine them not in my life.  

[Alpo]

7 minutes ago, TN Mongo, SASS #61450 said:

Owning dogs is like having children that never leave

There's an online story. They live in Louisiana somewhere. And the wife gets a scholarship to Auburn. So they make sure the litter box is clean with fresh litter, they put down three or four water bowls and a couple of food dishes, and they go to Alabama for a week.

 

And I read that and I'm thinking, yeah my dog would do fine like that. Maybe I could leave down a week's worth of food and water, but I would come back to a house full of poop and pee.

[Blackwater 53393]

We had cats when I lived with my parents and for a short time after Schoolmarm and I married.  They were forever climbing on the counters, tables, and even the stove! 
 

We had a few that learned to get into cabinets and one that we found constantly crawling around in the bathroom closets on the clean towels and face cloths!  All of this after climbing in and out of the litter boxes!

 

My mom was hospitalized on three separate occasions because of her cats.  Twice because the cat decided to walk between her legs while she was crossing the room, causing her to fall. One of those falls resulted in her receiving a serious head injury and the other left her bruised and bloody. The third incident resulted in a serious infection when one of the cats bit her finger. She almost lost her hand because of this.

 

While she was in the hospital the last time, we took her cats to a local shelter.

 

Schoolmarm has allergy issues, so we have another reason to NOT have cats.

 

Until her health failed, the Boobie travelled anywhere we went if we were to be gone more than a few hours. One time she was on tour for more than a month and traveled over 10,000 miles!

 

Our dogs have always protected the house! The cats could not care less who comes or goes or what they might take when they go!

 

To us, cats are like elephants!! They’re great to look at, but we really don’t want them!!  

[Cheyenne Ranger, 48747L]

We have 6 house cats plus one outdoor kitty that shows up for meals.

 

Every morning when I'm scooping the 5 little boxes I think about how much time I would spend walking a dog.  Scooping takes less than 5 minutes.

 

And yes, they are our furry children.

 

 

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

Not to offend anybody, but I just don't like cats. Now I've known individual cats that I got on with, but as a species I don't care for them. 

I suppose the thing I dislike the most is that too many people "have" cats that just run loose. My dogs see them out the window, or out IN my backyard when I let the dogs out, and they go nuts. That and the ones that climb into my Jeep and Pee on the seats when the top is off.  

Now dogs, I LOVE dogs. I've had dogs my entire adult life, as many as six at one time, and as few as two. Right now we're down to two, and don't plan on getting any more. But we said THAT before. 

[Eyesa Horg]

I'm not a cat lover perse either. I have to admit I've gotten find of the ones we have now, Smith & Wesson. Smith generally has nothing to do with me, but Wesson is always bothering me especially if I'm trying to read! During Ellie's last hospital stay, Smith finally decided after 9 years that my lap might actually be ok. It took her almost 20 minutes to get up and settle and still does it occasionally now! But in general just bitched at me!

[Michigan Slim]

Used to be a lot of spoiled, inbred cats where I deer hunt. Not so many now. Huh. Can't imagine where they all went. Must have been coyotes. 

[Eyesa Horg]

Yep, that's it, coyotes for sure!

[Pat Riot]

2 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

Not to offend anybody, but I just don't like cats. Now I've known individual cats that I got on with, but as a species I don't care for them. 

I suppose the thing I dislike the most is that too many people "have" cats that just run loose. My dogs see them out the window, or out IN my backyard when I let the dogs out, and they go nuts. That and the ones that climb into my Jeep and Pee on the seats when the top is off.  

Now dogs, I LOVE dogs. I've had dogs my entire adult life, as many as six at one time, and as few as two. Right now we're down to two, and don't plan on getting any more. But we said THAT before. 

My wife loves cats. For me it depends on the cat. 
It really ticks me off when people just let their cats roam. One outdoor cat can change the way the birds act and eat. We have a neighbor with 2 adult cats that roam free. These cats make no attempt to catch birds around my place - I have several bird feeders. The reason they’re still alive is their disinterest in the birds. 
 

I am definitely a dog person as well. We currently don’t have a dog. Our girl Maddie died last November. 
 

[Warden Callaway]

22 minutes ago, Michigan Slim said:

Used to be a lot of spoiled, inbred cats where I deer hunt. Not so many now. Huh. Can't imagine where they all went. Must have been coyotes. 

We have a lot of eagle and big hawks that would make quick work of a cat or small dog. 

[Pat Riot]

2 minutes ago, Warden Callaway said:

We have a lot of eagle and big hawks that would make quick work of a cat or small dog. 

We have Coopers Hawks around here in town. I would love it if a big Red Hawk would make an appearance on occasion. I ‘ll bet those cats would stay home…or getting carried off. 
Coopers Hawks aren’t big enough to carry a cat. They do eat birds though. I can tell when one is nearby by just watching how the birds act. 
This pretty boy shows up about once a month. 

[Eyesa Horg]

He's pretty way cool.

[Warden Callaway]

Story time. We were working outside and a big hootowl lit on a post nearby. Not likely to see one in daylight.  Or up close. I got granddaughter Brooke's attention and we stood and watched to and talked softly.  The owl was very aware we were there. Brooke could stand only so much. She ran toward it waving her arms and yelling.  Of course the owl flew off.  Little snot. 

[Eyesa Horg]

They're so cool to see closeup during the day. We get a Barred owl up close every once in a while. It's fun to hear them at night hooting to each other. I've been able to talk back every blue moon to them with a turkey hooter! Doesn't last long though, they obviously know I'm an imposter!

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

My daughter had a cat that my son got her for Christmas when she was about eight years old.  He got it because the lady that had the cat also had big dogs and they killed the other three kittens before she could stop them.

 

 She was named Penelope Pitstop for a black smear on her chin.

 

Anyway this little girl cat was a very low maintainence pet.  She learned very early on to use the doggy door so we put her litter box under the shed where we had a hot tub.  It got emptied (the litter box, not the hot tub) about once a week before we realized she was also using our cactus garden, then it got be whenever we thought about it.

 

We kept her water dish full and filled a big pan fell of kibble once a week or so and she foraged for critters in the garden.

 

Most of the time she slept by the sliding doors to the patio.  (BTW, I have known a couple of New Yorkers who moved to California.  Both pronounced "PATIO" PAY shee oh until they were corrected.  Not a word in their former world.)

 

 

Edited July 7 by Forty Rod SASS 3935

[Matthew Duncan]

Alpo,

 

Instructions are similar to the ones the wife leaves for me when she’s away, which I ignore.  I operate on the long history that they will eat and drink what Is provided when they get hungry or thirsty enough.  As a kid dad gave me the same option, eat what’s on my plate or don’t eat, my choice.

[Alpo]

When I was given big brown dog, the vet said that she was about 6 years old.

 

Her previous owners, who gave her to me because the place they had moved to did not allow pets, would leave a bowl of food sitting down all the time. So she was used to nibbling whenever she felt like it. I learned quite young but if you left food down all the time, this attracted roaches. So when I feed my animals I feed them at a specific time each day, and I put the food down and they eat it all.

 

So the first day I put the food down at 5:00, and she pretty much ignored it. And at 5:30 I picked it up and stashed it away out of the roach's path. The next day at 5:00 I put that same bowl of food down, and again she ignored it, and again I picked it up at 5:30.

 

Day three she ate it as soon as I put it down. Never had any problem with her being picky after that.