Alpo Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 2 minutes ago, Alpo said: A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!! 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 15 minutes ago, Blackwater 53393 said: A little JB Weld ‘n’ some ductape an’ it’ll be good as new!! I once ripped out a drain plug on a truck gas tank loading it on a trailer. JB weld has been holding for 17 years now. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Do you ever let your imagination take over? I saw a recipe Hot Cowgirl Dip. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 4 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s pouring out there!” “Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.” The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) Our six-year-old handed us a note. His teacher had called my wife and I in for an emergency meeting. We asked our son if he had any idea why and he said, "She didn't like a drawing I did." We went in the next day. His teacher pulled the drawing below out and said, "I asked him to draw his familv and he drew this. Would vou mind explaining?" "Not at all." my wife said. "Family vacation. Snorkelling off the Bahamas. Edited January 25 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!" The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them." 'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here." "But I didn't go to any of those shows.." "Well, we have them, and you could have." No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00" "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me." "But I didn't!" "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 On 1/23/2024 at 12:45 PM, Alpo said: Almost had to clean wine off my screen... Years ago when working as a computer engineer, an "important" customer called wanting to know how to use his high-end engineering workstation to play music CDs. While most would just buy a $40 CD player, I helped him out. And did get CDs playing on the workstation. But at one point, he stopped following my instructions and did something else, and I snippily asked him "did I tell you to do that?" And he got back on track and we got the tunes going. Within seconds of closing the call, the VP of engineering (really a marketing guy) called me into his office. And started dressing me down for my "unprofessional" conduct to this "important" customer. He is going on and on, and not listening to me at all. Then his phone rings. And the receptionist informs him this "important" customer is asking to speak with him. He tells me to be quiet (with a look) and puts the "important" customer on speaker so we can both hear. The "important" customer starts going on and on about how much he appreciates the knowledge and help and service I (me) provide to his organization, how this is so rare in the reseller industry, and how much he appreciates the special attention and clear focus the technical staff (me) provides to the account. And how he just felt my help was so above and beyond what any other vendor provides that he decided to call and thank upper management. And then ended the call. I asked "Anything else you feel a need to discuss?" No... 5 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 https://youtube.com/shorts/6DvFlpbZDuw?si=l9wq8Kd6uxJH5htZ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 1 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 5 hours ago, Alpo said: .................................. dang straight !! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 1 hour ago, Soundwarefare said: He heard you open the bacon. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 2 hours ago, Soundwarefare said: Is there stitches in his nose? Can he still smell the bacon? Is it only a single serving package? So many questions. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 Spice up a party by telling strangers, 'I personally have no problem with you being here." 3 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 1 2 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 26 Author Share Posted January 26 It's FRIDAY!! (I'll leave...) This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so I figured he must like the dolls himself. "Bill," I said going up to him, "I didn't know you were a collector!" "I'm not," he replied. "Oh," I said, "You're buying a gift, then." "No, not at all," my friend responded. "If you don't mind my asking then Bill," I said, "Why are you standing in this line?" "Oh that," he answered. "I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 A person is traveling and calls home to ask how things are at home. The kid says the cat died. Kid is told you don’t break news that directly, you first say cat is on the roof, next day cat it injured, third day cat died, so it isn’t a shock. Next day calls home to see how things are and is told “grandma is on the roof”. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 3 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 5 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: I would call that a "two-fer". 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 JUST A REMINDER! 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 3 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: JUST A REMINDER! But..... But..... She likes guns, too! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2UeBPviSyU/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 2 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: But..... But..... She likes guns, too! ....... you lucky #@&%, ......... errrr, .... gentleman ..... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 9 minutes ago, Alpo said: Nice butt. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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