Buckshot Bear Posted October 16, 2021 Author Posted October 16, 2021 An elderly Australian woman is visiting her son in the US for his birthday. She arrives at LAX early in the morning and arranges to drive to his house, in New Orleans, in order to “take in the scenery” and see what the American South has to offer. She drives at a leisurely pace, and stops at scenic viewpoints whenever possible, knowing she has some time to get to her son. She stops to rest when she is tired, eats when she is hungry, and otherwise enjoys her time. On the second day, she realizes it’s about time to hurry things up if she wants to make it to her son’s before his birthday. She begins to ramp up the speed, just a few miles at a time. Soon, she’s flying down the highway, eager to get to New Orleans before sundown. Suddenly, a police officer pulls her over. “Ma’am,” he says, “Do you know why I stopped you?” “Yes,” the Aussie responds, “I may have been going a tad too fast in this car. I’m not used to the rules of the road around here and the speed got away from me. You see, I’m from another country and I’m trying to visit my son. ” “Well, ma’am, you were clocking above 95 MPH! Did you come here to DIE??” “No,” she says. “I came here yester-die.” 1 4 Quote
Alpo Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 I dinna believe that you are aware of how big America is. She flew into LAX. That's in California, on the Pacific coast. She's driving to Louisiana, and taking her time. Then on day two she realizes she needs to really haul butt if she wants to get to his house in New Orleans before nightfall. Unless she's going to drive 95 mph all the way it's going to be about 3 days from California to Louisiana. Big place. Google maps says 26 hours 13 minutes. 1900 miles. Quote
Sedalia Dave Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 13 hours ago, Alpo said: I dinna believe that you are aware of how big America is. She flew into LAX. That's in California, on the Pacific coast. She's driving to Louisiana, and taking her time. Then on day two she realizes she needs to really haul butt if she wants to get to his house in New Orleans before nightfall. Unless she's going to drive 95 mph all the way it's going to be about 3 days from California to Louisiana. Big place. Google maps says 26 hours 13 minutes. 1900 miles. About 12 of those hours will spent just driving across Texas 1 1 Quote
Buckshot Bear Posted October 18, 2021 Author Posted October 18, 2021 On 10/17/2021 at 11:22 AM, Alpo said: I dinna believe that you are aware of how big America is. Australia is pretty big.....but driving around through the unpopulated parts it feels a LOT bigger because there's only 25 million of us compared to the 300 or so million that you guys have in roughly give or take the same area. 3 3 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted October 18, 2021 Posted October 18, 2021 ^^^^^^ ...... who said drunk Australians can't do stupid things ? 4 Quote
Major E A Sterner #12916 Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 18 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: ^^^^^^ ...... who said drunk Australians can't do stupid things ? No one ever! 2 2 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted October 20, 2021 Posted October 20, 2021 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ .... the "Australian Money GoRound" 1 Quote
John Kloehr Posted October 20, 2021 Posted October 20, 2021 An Australian tour guide was showing a group of Americans tourist the top end. On their way to Kakadu, he was describing the abilities of the Aboriginae to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous. Then later that day, the tour rounded a bend in the road. Lying in the middle of the road an Aboriginal . He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostate Aboriginae. Jacky, said the tour guide' what are you tracking and what are you listening for? The Aboriginae replies, down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It's Red, the left front tyre is bald, the front end is out of whack, and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 black fellows in the back, all drinking warm Sherry. There are three kangaroos strapped to the roof and six dogs on the front seat. The American tourists move forward astounded by this prescise and detailed knowledge. 'Goddammit man, how do you know all that?? Asked one. The Aboriginae replies, I fell out of the bloody thing about a half an hour ago. 6 1 Quote
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 Australia Is the Drunkest Country in the World Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 2 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: Australia Is the Drunkest Country in the World "Thasss a dirty lie, ... and I intend to sue, ..... just as soon as I sober up." Col. Henry Blake M.A.S.H. 4077 2 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 ...... I may have to retract my last statement ... 2 Quote
Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 2 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: Australia Is the Drunkest Country in the World Well whoever wrote the article has never met some of the Aussies on this thread! Drunk twice a month!?!! Unheard of! Regards Gateway Kid Quote
Texas Joker Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 Just means you gotta sober up enough to go restock then once home ya get hammered again for a couple weeks. That's 2 times in one month 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 (edited) Well if you research the highest alcohol consumption in USA, the two highest are usually New Hampshire and Las Vegas. IT IS BECAUSE the statistic is computed as the quantity of booze sold divided by the state’s population. NH is a small state but with the cheapest liquor in the nation folks just passing through pick up something, and when holidays come around they make trips here and buy by the case. There is also the bit that some bars in NYC and other big mid Atlantic cities send vans here to buy their supplies cheaper. thus NH GETS credit as highest alcohol consumption in USA. Las Vegas can blame it on the tourists. Edited December 4, 2021 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 I blame it on the water ..... ...... have you tasted our water lately ? 1 Quote
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 48 minutes ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: I blame it on the water ..... ...... have you tasted our water lately ? Is that Fosters? 2 Quote
Buckshot Bear Posted December 6, 2021 Author Posted December 6, 2021 (edited) If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs? Edited December 6, 2021 by Buckshot Bear 1 1 4 Quote
Buckshot Bear Posted December 7, 2021 Author Posted December 7, 2021 How do you ask an Aussie waiter for the bill? 'Checkmate!' 1 3 1 Quote
Sedalia Dave Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 On 12/5/2021 at 11:27 PM, Buckshot Bear said: If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs? Because shoes are rather uncomfortable when you use them to cover your privates. 2 Quote
Buckshot Bear Posted December 8, 2021 Author Posted December 8, 2021 3 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said: Because shoes are rather uncomfortable when you use them to cover your privates. LOL Dave These are what we call thongs down here - 1 4 Quote
Cactus Jack Calder Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 I’ve heard them referred to as thongs, but most often they are called flip flops for the sound they make when walking on paved surfaces. CJ 1 Quote
G W Wade Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 Designed in France by Phillip Philoop GW 1 4 Quote
Alpo Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 1 hour ago, G W Wade said: Designed in France by Phillip Philoop GW That one took me a little bit. 2 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 3 hours ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said: ...... don't knock it 'til you try it ..... Quote
Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 Posted December 8, 2021 Posted December 8, 2021 they do NOT be enough booze , for that to happen again CB 2 Quote
Buckshot Bear Posted December 9, 2021 Author Posted December 9, 2021 6 hours ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said: All Aussie kids (and big kids) love making them 2 Quote
Sedalia Dave Posted December 9, 2021 Posted December 9, 2021 3 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said: they do NOT be enough booze , for that to happen again CB AGAIN ??????? Quote
Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 Posted December 9, 2021 Posted December 9, 2021 after inbiding in a long drinking session with some Ast. troops I was drunk enough to try vegimite once , was suppose to cure the hangover , what it was , was just NASTY CB needed a pint of whiskey to get the taste gone 3 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 9, 2021 Posted December 9, 2021 5 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said: after inbiding in a long drinking session with some Ast. troops I was drunk enough to try vegimite once , was suppose to cure the hangover , what it was , was just NASTY CB needed a pint of whiskey to get the taste gone .......... and that's why we eat vegemite 4 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 10, 2021 Posted December 10, 2021 6 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said: ......................... but don't tell anyone, .... it's a secret 2 Quote
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