Cactus Jack Calder

Scosh it’s 5/16 and a Scosh. That’s how I learned it from my Union Carpenter Grandfather. CJ

In 69 my wife and I rented a furnished appt in Norfolk. My ship was in the yard for work so I wasn’t going anywhere soon. My wife was in the laundry room when another female tenet walked in. She saw my summer whites with the PO3 stripes on the sleeve. Her reaction was, “I thought this apartment complex was for Officers.” Nope the management were an equal opportunity landlord. Money is money no mater who hands it over. CJ

Aiken Bach Bob N. Weevil Anne Cole Paine

For Alpo, Most of the time I had my ball cap stuffed in my back belt when below deck. Fold the bill onto 1/3rds and stuff it behind your webbed belt. Back in 69-70 we still wore dungarees not CAMO BDU’s. I always had it in case I had to go above deck. On a Landing Platform Helicopter (LPH), above deck was the hanger deck and higher. Watch standing in the Engineering Spaces was always HOT so we didn’t wear a cover, even the Watch Officer. As stated the ball cap stayed put better in winds. Nothing good about loosing your White Hat over the side. We had a “Man Overboard” while tied up to the pier in Norfolk VA. A seaman came back from liberty drunk. Imagine that. A wind blowing across the hanger deck lifted his White Hat over the side. He jumped in to save it. At 00:30 man overboard is not a welcome alarm. Actually at that hour no alarm is welcome, but come on. Man Overboard while tied to the pier in Home Port,? You’ve got to be an idiot to jump in after your White Hat. Well it turns out he was. An idiot I mean. CJ

I’m a Jersey boy, never said youse in my life. Just YOU. US NAVY it’s a scuttlebutt, ask Pat Riot he knows. Just Vest not all that other stuff. And like Forty, I wouldn’t have said anything, just bopped her and skedaddled. CJ

Back in 68, when on liberty, I visited an entertainment establishment that was fairly busy. Many of the patrons were hooting at the current entertainer who was having trouble keeping her right side tassel twirling. Finally in frustration she grabbed the tassel mounting device and cranked it up to a respectable speed. This brought the house down and she was roundly applauded. Tips were generous after that display. Great entertainment. I have on occasion, when this memory arises, wondered if that was a deliberate part of her routine to enhance tipping. It does seem like a possibility. CJ

Yer ask’n n aorful lot of usens there UUtah. CJ

Every Cowboy needs to be able to admit without guilt that they are a little ‘off bubble’, as my Grandpa would say. He was a Journeyman Carpenter. A great figure, who would tell me the most outrageous stories an laugh when I believed them. CJ

I woke up this morning with an ear-worm playing in my head. Well I’ve never been to heaven, but I’ve been to Oklahoma. They tell me I was born there, But I really don’t remember. That’s Oklahoma not Arizona, What does it matter, what does it matter? Just that phrase nothing else. I had to look it up. Three Dog Night: Never Been to Spain. That got me thinking, ‘How many state names end in A?’ After careful research; State names ending in the letter: A - 21 D - 2 E - 4 G - 1 H - 1 I - 3 K - 1 N - 4 O - 4 S - 5 T - 2 Y - 2 total = 50, check Now admit it you read to the end and you really needed to know this useless information. Kinda weird ain’t it? CJ

My father always advised me. “Never tell an Englishman a joke on Saturday, as he will laugh in Church on Sunday.” CJ

He ‘cheated’! You can clearly see he wore something under his Kilt! My Grandfather on my Mother’s side was a Scot. I’ve always been told “The proper attire includes NOTHING under you Kilt”. I will admit that I also ‘cheated ’ when I marched with “The Irish War Pipes” of Rockland County, NY. They were the closest thing I could find to a Scottish Band where I lived at the time. They were about 50% Scots in membership, but the name had already been set. Being close to NYC and the big Irish bands of the NYPD & NYFD probably had something to do with it. The face in my avatar is my Grandfather, John Calder, from whom I modeled my alias. CJ

Put it the outhouse so that the odor will cause corrosion and decay upon its shiny surface. You can face it to the wall if you prefer. Good Luck in you new endeavors. Just relax and enjoy yourself and your wife. CJ

Yep, and “Don’t stand there with your mouth open you’ll catch flies!” CJ

UB, Thank You for an inspiring verse. I sent this on, with all due credit, to a brother, not a cowboy but a patriot. CJ

I don’t know how the above got posted. Must be fumble fingered. I believe the math below is correct, however, the tittle speaks for itself. HOW TO LIE WITH STATISTICS!! From McCandless post: US Population: 1960 - 179,323,175 2020 - 331,449,281 Mass Shootings from Rockefeller Report: 1966 - 1975 12 mass shootings Analysis of mass shootings/individual for 9 year period ending 1975. 12/179323175 = .0000000669 MS/I 2011 - 2020 160 mass shootings Analysis of mass shootings/individual for 9 year period ending 2020. 160/331449281 = .000000483 MS/I Analysis of increased rate of Mass Shootings from 1975 to 2020 (.000000483 - 0000000669)/.0000000669 = .062197 .062197 X 100 = 6.2197% increase in MS/I from 1975 to 2020 What does this mean? Not a D**mn thing as the data used is random not coordinated. HOW TO LIE WITH STATISTICS!! I took that course in Engineering College. The course was titled, HOW TO LIE WITH STATISTICS, and the text book was titled the same. I course designed to instruct Engineering Students on how to get meaningful and accurate results, not how to support our cockamamie theories! CJ

72.443081105099333……… You’re welcome! CJ

That sounds reasonable. The Brits always seemed to have more understanding view of facial hair. Thanks, CJ

What Is an RN uniform, Nurse? My mother was a RN. She graduated in 1939 and worked in NY City @ Mt Sinai (sp?). Back then they had uniforms from each School of Nursing. Maybe you could go as a Submariner? I believe they had a more relaxed dress code while at sea. I’m not sure how your beard would match up with a skirt. Maybe go as a Brit/Scott and wear a kilt? CJ

“NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES”/ Walmart/Amazon. This amazing offer is only available for a limited time CJ

Here they all just dump it on the front porch and run. They never even ring the bell. I expect part of that is pressure from management to complete their rounds faster, thereby getting more deliveries from each driver. Yesterday the OOPS driver dumped 500 rounds of 45ACP on the porch and if I hadn’t heard the truck engine rev up it would have sat there for a while. Fortunately this neighborhood is pretty good. Mostly the only ‘porch pirates’ we have are the kind that deliver rather than remove items. CJ

My Buck 55; Sometime back, 18 or so years. My wife and I flew south out of Newark Airport in NJ. I used to carry a Buck 55 all the time. I’d forgotten to leave it home and when we had to dump our pockets for inspection there it was. I told the TSA Agent, “I guess you guys can have it.” A young Agent asked me if we had a carry-on bag we could use as checked baggage. My wife had a small canvas bag with a zipper closure. He said, “Put the knife in that and come with me.” We ran to the Airline checking desk and had the bag added to our checked luggage, no charge, at the insistence of the TSA Agent. I still have that little Buck. I carry it when dressed up, church weddings, funerals, that sort of occasion. It is a good little knife. CJ

When I first went to college I had a Math Prof who would arrive at the classroom early and fill the chalk boards with formula derivatives. When the buzzer sounded he would say “This is intuitively obvious”. Then he would begin erasing with his right hand while writing with his left and all the time talking directly to the chalk board. He never stopped until the buzzer sounded. Then he would quickly erase what remained and leave. His answer to questions was, “See me in my office hours”, which were almost never. It was like a contest to see who could beat the other Prof or students. Eventually we won. Three of us decided to cooperate. We divided up the material and concentrated on copying down what was needed. Then we’d meet in the student lounge and share out the notes. I like useful math. I hated Calculus until a Physics Prof showed use how it can predict or analyze the real world. Once I could see how it worked in the real world it became much easier. High level math for math’s sake was not my cup of choice (that’s Bourbon). CJ

EH’YUP! I couldn’t drink coffee without a little sugar. Now I just skip it altogether. CJ

This and what Pat said earlier about caffeine. I asked my GP and he said try cutting down on Sodium. It seems to help some. I avoid salty foods and never add salt to my food after it is cooked. Mine is a hiss right in the center of my head. The pros say my left ear is “profoundly deaf” (can’t hear sh@#&t). The VA Doc said he will give me new aides for both sides to try. If that doesn’t work on the left the next iteration would be a radio pickup/transmitter to the right ear piece. You loose the sense of audio direction that way. Had a friend with that setup. If you said ‘Hi’ from his back or left side he would spin around looking for the source. I guess that is better than not hearing half the world. CJ