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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

Subdeacon Joe

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3 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:


That's why they have radios.

You might outrun my old Chevrolet

But you can't outrun my old two-way

I wear a hat just like a Mountie

I'm the sheriff of Boone County

And you're in a heap of trouble boy



Old, old song

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Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.

Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."



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An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
 One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. 
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. 
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." 
"And what about the men?" the minister asked. 
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.'

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edited: Sorry, the automatic translator played a trick on me.  it means: these incompetent ones, I ordered a new black BBQ smoker

Edited by Forest Gun Germany
First in german
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Long time friends Sylvia & Wanda meet up in Heaven!!

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?...

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.


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57 minutes ago, Forest Gun Germany said:

Bei diesen Verlierern habe ich mir meinen neuen BBQ Smoker in schwarz bestellt


 ...... can we have a translation ........ please  :blush:

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6 hours ago, Forest Gun Germany said:

edited: Sorry, the automatic translator played a trick on me.  it means: these incompetent ones, I ordered a new black BBQ smoker

That would be a big smoker even in Texas!

But, yes, black is the traditional color. White will be stained from the smoke.


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There were three people approaching the gates of heaven, but there was only one place left.

The gatekeeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go in.

The first man said:

"Well, imagine this. I expected my wife was having an affair, so I got home early to surprise her.

I found her in the bathroom with a towel around her so I knew she wasn't having a shower I searched the apartment and found 10 fingers hanging from the window sill. So I started bashing away at them. When he fell, God must have loved him, because he lived. So I threw a refrigerator at him. After all the excitement I died of a heart attack."

That's horrific said the gatekeeper, he asked the second man how he died and he said.

"Well, imagine this. I was riding one of those stationary bikes on the top of our apartment building but it went wrong I fell down and grabbed someone's window sill. Then some idiot started bashing at my fingers then I fell, but God must have loved me because I lived. Then -SHANNOOOWWWW- a refrigerator plunged down at me"

That is too horrific.

He asked the third man how he died and he said.

"Well imagine that. I was naked in a refrigerator

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