Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 The priest has just finished blessing the farmhouse. Ambrogio, the farmer, gives him the envelope with the offering and gets up to accompany him outside. As soon as he is outside the priest stops and says: - what a beautiful chicken coop you have, and what beautiful hens, do they lay lots of eggs? ... do you sell them all? - do you want some, father? - I would be happy to, thank you. – of course, take some, father – oh thank you The priest enters the henhouse to get the eggs and notices some beautiful capons – oh but how beautiful you have the capons too, my mother always made me broth. How good, how I like it now it's been a long time since I've eaten it … – oh okay, okay, take one – thank you, thank you he takes the capon and bending down he sees some barrels – but are those wine barrels? – yes we have the vineyard – would you do it? I'd like to try a glass. A little glass like that to enjoy The farmer, a little disconsolate, accompanies him towards the cellar and says: – Maria, bring me a bowl and a spoon Once inside the cellar Ambrogio fills the bowl with wine and gives the spoon to the priest. He bends down and takes 3 or 4 spoonfuls and says – but how good it is really excellent, I really like it – then take a bottle father – oh thank you, thank you very much finally the priest goes away and the wife says: – But excuse me Ambros why did you make him taste the wine with the bowl and the spoon? – Ostrega Maria if I gave him the glass, to drink he had to raise his head and he could also see the hams and salamis hanging from the ceiling … 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 2 blondes are driving to Disneyland when they finally come to a sign that says "Disneyland Left". They both started crying and drove back home. 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 The wife of the world-famous painter Pablo Picasso noticed a sign of happiness coming over her husband when a blonde girl stood next to him while they were in the elevator... Suddenly the girl turned around, got angry and slapped Picasso hard and said to him: “This is a lesson for you.” When Picasso and his wife got out of the elevator, he swore to her out of fear of his wife that he did not do anything to the girl, so his wife calmly replied: I know that, I wanted, because it was I who touched her so that you would learn not to look at women again. Source: G.Vogue Encyclopedia 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 Touch & go! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 6 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 32 minutes ago, DeaconKC said: That was the story line on a show about five years ago. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 2 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 (edited) This New York girl was going to Texas on vacation. And one of the things she planned to do was to have sex with a few of them Texas cowboys. When she got back home one of her girlfriends asked her how they were. She said she didn't know. She was afraid to try. "You know how they say 'everything's bigger in Texas'? They ain't lying. You should have seen the size of the condom rings in the back pockets of them cowboys. Scared me plumb to death. Here, see for yourself. I took a picture." Edited January 11 by Alpo found a better picture. the other one had a hole in the pocket 1 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me - I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too - I am also celebrating," said the woman. "What a coincidence!" said the farmer. As they clinged glasses, he added, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman. "How did your chickens become fertilized?" "I used a different rooster," the farmer said. “What a coincidence!" 2 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 1950: Here is a dollar, give me a box of ammo 2020: Here is a dollar, give me a bullet 2024: Here is a bullet, give me a box of dollars 3 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 2 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 11 Author Share Posted January 11 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 1 minute ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Yep, ejaculation isn't likely to put out an engine fire! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 You reckon that's an accidental portmanteau? Got ejected confused with evacuated? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 1 hour ago, Alpo said: You reckon that's an accidental portmanteau? Got ejected confused with evacuated? The pilot probably evacuated his bowels, but I'd bet that the other was just mistranslated from Russian. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 Torn... On-line translation? Otto? Or incompetent copy writer. Ah well, never attribute to malevolence that which can be attributed to incompetence. "But" the plane crashed... (?) How about "and" or simply "The plane crashed shortly afterwards"? I would expect this if the pilot ejected. And if the other, then why not mention the pilot was in the plane? And did he die happy? 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brazos John Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 3 hours ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said: Dang! Tom was a badass! Here are more details: Felipe Espinosa - Wikipedia 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 I was a sales rep in the Yukon Territory. I would often stop by this trading post/bar/restaurant and got to know the owner. One night he asked me if I could watch the place while he took food to a sick friend. “Sure!”, I said. Everything is humming along, suddenly a man burst through the door, “Run for your lives! Big Jake’s coming!”. Oh, crap. The place cleared out, I am hiding behind the bar when I hear the rumble of a Snowcat (big tank-like vehicle with bulldozer treads). The door slams open and a HUGE man covered in bearskins stomps into the place. ”Gimme a keg!!”. I roll the keg from the walk-in refrigerator, he jams the tapper into it and sprays it into his face and mouth. When it was empty, I meekly asked him if he wanted another, he yells, “You kiddin’ me? I’m outta here, Big Jake is coming!!” 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 The Helsinki-Toronto flight had 400 passengers but only 200 lunches. The airline messed up, putting the crew in a tough spot. But one clever flight attendant came up with a solution. About 30 minutes after take-off, she announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not sure how this happened, but we have 400 passengers and only 200 lunches! Anyone who’s willing to give up their meal for someone else will enjoy unlimited wine for the flight." Six hours later, she made another announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 200 lunches available!" So, the takeaway? Finns and Canadians are really generous. 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 Pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off....... "This is your Captain speaking, Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is....." Then suddenly he starts screaming his head off: "Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s burning…It’s burning…This is going to hurt....It’s burning" A ghostly Silence reigned! After a couple of minutes, He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers: "I sincerely apologise for the incident but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap...you should see my pants." One passenger replies - "Why don't you come here and see Our PANTS" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted Monday at 06:53 AM Share Posted Monday at 06:53 AM A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife as she gazed at herself in the mirror. With her birthday approaching, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still staring at the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he woke up early, prepared a big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything available. Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was spinning, and her stomach was upside down. Next, he took her to McDonald’s, where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movie theater for the latest superhero saga, complete with popcorn, soda, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, utterly exhausted. He leaned over her with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being eight again?” Her eyes slowly opened, and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!” 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted Monday at 02:02 PM Share Posted Monday at 02:02 PM 2 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted Monday at 05:18 PM Share Posted Monday at 05:18 PM I bought my wife a new refrigerator for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted Monday at 09:01 PM Author Share Posted Monday at 09:01 PM https://www.facebook.com/reel/589625107362609/?mibextid=9drbnH&s=yWDuG2&fs=e 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.