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Posted

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Posted

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Posted

Two boys, ages 8 and 10 are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting in trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children so she asked if he would speak to them.

The preacher agreed but asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning with the older boy to go in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dived into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The youger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!  GOD is missing and they think WE did it!"

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Posted
4 hours ago, Alpo said:

You can't just throw a statement like that out there and leave it.

 

Tell the story.

 

well, ........... as I am led to understand ........ Miss Julie, at each costume fitting asked that it be made tighter ...... and tighter again ........ and again. Eventually the seamstress said that if it was any tighter we'd see her panties, to which Miss Julie suggested that she could "fix" that 😉

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Posted

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Posted (edited)

They didn't have velcro back then. Her belt had little hooks on the inside of it, and her costume had little loops sewn around the hips. Like a hook and eye screen door latch. Because the belt was not supposed to move. It was not supposed to slide up to her waist while she was fighting. It was supposed to stay on her hips and draw attention to that butt.

 

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Meow!!

Edited by Alpo
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Posted
47 minutes ago, Alpo said:

It was supposed to stay on her hips and draw attention to that butt.

Seems to work 🤣

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Posted
4 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

This may contain: a black and white photo with the words in every relationship there is one person who stacks the dishwasher like a scandinavian architecture, and one who stacks it

 

4 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

This may contain: a black and white photo with the words in every relationship there is one person who stacks the dishwasher like a scandinavian architecture, and one who stacks it

This makes me wonder how a Scandinavian raccoon would do it…would he just give, and leave them in the sink.

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Posted (edited)

Smart people, them Scandahoovians.

Edited by Alpo
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Posted
6 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Smart people, them Scandahoovians.

Especially centuries before aircraft. They were thinking of future generations.

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Posted
56 minutes ago, Eyesa Horg said:

Especially centuries before aircraft. They were thinking of future generations.

Centuries before the wright brothers maybe. But not necessarily centuries before aircraft.

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Posted

An old Native American man needed to borrow $500, so he went to the local bank and asked to speak to the Loans Officer.

The banker welcomed him and said he had to fill out a loan application. So, the banker took a form from his desk and began asking questions.

"What are you going to do with the money?" the banker asked.

"Buy silver, make jewelry, then sell it," the man replied.

"And what do you have for collateral?" asked the banker.

The man said, "I don’t know what collateral is."

The banker explained, "Collateral is something valuable that we hold onto in case you can't pay back the loan. Do you have any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1979 Chevy pickup," the man answered.

The banker shook his head, "That won’t work. How about livestock?"

"I have a horse," the man said.

"How old is the horse?" the banker asked.

"I don’t know, it has no teeth," replied the old man.

After a few more back-and-forth questions like this, the banker finally decided to grant the loan to the old man.

A few weeks later, the old man came back to the bank.

He pulled out a big roll of $100 bills from his pocket and said, "Here’s the $500."

"Business must be good!" the banker said. "What are you going to do with the rest of the money?"

"Keep it close to me," the old man answered.

"Why don’t you deposit it in the bank?" the banker asked.

The old man said, "I don’t know what deposit is."

The banker explained, "You just put the money in our bank and we’ll take care of it for you. Whenever you need it, you can take it out."

The old man leaned over the desk, looked the banker in the eye, and asked, "What do you have for collateral?"

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Posted

One evening John (who had just got divorced) was feeling sorry for himself while strolling along beach in Southern California, and lamenting the fact that his whole life was starting-over. John had lived a good and honest life, worked hard, and always strived to the right thing, but things had still gone haywire. The realization made him question everything that he had believed-in, and seriously wonder whether any of his efforts really mattered? Then he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to find an elderly man bathed in a bright white light. God introduced himself and assured John that the world indeed needed more people like John, and that to reward him for is lifetime of piety, God would grant John a single wish. John then looked-out over the ocean at the dazzling colors of the Los Angeles sunset, and turned to God and said “You know, we had our honeymoon in Hawaii, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. However, I also learned that am terrified of flying so we never returned. How about you creating a bridge from here to Hawaii?” God smiled and then asked John if he was really sure about this bridge because although he was God and could do pretty much anything, the bridge would dramatically disrupt the environment/weather, impact ocean currents, alter migratory patterns, and make shipping far more expensive and complicated, so God just wanted to make sure that John had fully considered the broader ramifications of his request. John thought about things for a second, and immediately saw God’s point so he then decided to shift gears, and, turning back to his divorce (that he was still trying to figure-out) John then decided to simply ask God to grant him the ability to understand women. To this God replied “Two lanes or four?”

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Posted

"Michael Keaton was so great in ‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.’ And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them."

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Posted
9 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

"Michael Keaton was so great in ‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.’ And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them."


 

IT’S FUNNY!!  Inappropriate, but FUNNY!!!

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