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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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  • Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10
  • When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. – Michael, 14
  • Never tell your mom her diet's not working. – Michael, 14
  • Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9
  • Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13
  • Don't squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13
  • Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. – Emily, 10
  • When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. – Taylia, 11
  • Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment. – Traci, 14
  • Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. – Mitchell, 12
  • Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. – Andrew, 9
  • Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9
  • You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Armit, 9
  • Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. – Kellie, 11
  • If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. – Naomi, 15
  • Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9
  • Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10
  • When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. – Ayesha, 13
  • Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8
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image.png.eeaaeb4e22032fbd9d06cbf9128e3762.png

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A Chinese man was sitting at the bar when a Jewish man comes up and punches him in the nose. He grabs his nose and says, “What was that for?”

The Jewish man says, “That’s for Pearl Harbor.”

The Chinese man exclaims, “Pearl Harbor?!? I’m Chinese! That was the Japanese!”

To which the Jewish man replies, “Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese…they’re all the same.”

The Chinese man sits at the bar getting angrier and angrier. Finally, he can take no more and goes and punches the Jewish man in his nose and says, “That’s for the Titanic!”

The Jewish man is puzzled. “The Titanic?!?”

“Goldberg, Steinberg, Iceberg…they’re all the same!” Replies the Chinese man.

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Beagle: If my people tell me to change it, I will smell it, check in with my people, then I'll -WHATS THAT SMELL?!  IGOTTA CHECK THAT OUT!!

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1 hour ago, Sedalia Dave said:

image.thumb.png.d9301bf18e2d4bc157f7a1281e448ab9.png

 

1 hour ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

I gotta look for that on Amazon!

 

The standing workout is designed to improve your hand eye coordination as well. ;)

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There was a farmer, who had three daughters. Hea really protective of them, and when he finds out when their bf's are coming to take them out, he looked them in their rooms and waited at the door with a shotgun.

The first boyfriend arrives, the farmer answers the door, and the man says “I'm Jo, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?”

Seeing nothing wrong with him, he let's the first daughter go. The next boyfriend comes to pick up the second daughter. The farmer answers the door and fella says “I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, We are getting some spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer begins to lighten up, and let's his second daughter go. At this point he's confident that these men are good for his daughters. The third boyfriend arrives. The farmer answers the door, and the third boyfriend says :

“Hi, I'm Chuck.”

The farmer shot him immediately.

 
 

 

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11 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said:

 

If I was the girl, once I had recovered from my heart attack, I would beat the guy to death.

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22 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said:

 

 

One time about 35 years ago,  on Hwy. 20 between Willits and Ft. Bragg, must have been  about 0730, in very pretty Redwood Country,  nice winding road , my wife (girlfriend at the time) was dozing.  I saw a squirrel in the road 50 yards or so ahead.  Being in a playful mood,  I tapped the brakes,pointed like Donald Sutherland in "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers" and yelled "What's that?!?!" She came abruptly awake screaming and scanning around frantically.  Then she heard me laughing. Started to hit me.  "Hey!  I'm driving! You can't hit me!"  MAN!  She was looking daggers at me for MILES!  

 

All this time later it's still one of our running gags.

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On 10/31/2024 at 12:24 PM, Sedalia Dave said:

image.thumb.png.d9301bf18e2d4bc157f7a1281e448ab9.png

Do you have to use it if you're on the throne?

 

 I'd be in real trouble if I exercise that much an can I see a burn out in my future....and any kind of burn is gonna be dangerous in that sort of high methane atmosphere.

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