It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Two young men from South Louisiana go to New York employment agency looking for jobs. They ask first young man; what do you do in South Louisiana? He said; I am a pilot. They said; we have great jobs for pilots. The second young man goes in; they ask him; what do you do in South Louisiana. He said; I am a sugarcane cutter. They said; we do not have any jobs for a sugarcane cutter in New York. He said; you just gave my buddy a job and he is only a pilot. He cannot pile it until after I cut it.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

14 hours ago, Alpo said:

 

It's called a Louisville Slugger, and you can pick left, right, or center justify. 

[Blackwater 53393]

 

YOU’VE BEEN MOONED!!

 

 

 

Edited October 25, 2024 by Blackwater 53393

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux was sittin' at home watchin' Boudreaux's new color televisionary set, when a ad come on for a new action movie. There be big car chases screech! crash!, big gun fights bam! bam! bam! big fiery explosions, kaBOOM!. Then announcer man say " Coming soon,to a theater near you!"

Boudreaux looks at Thibodeaux and say, "Thibodeau, how dat man know where we live?"

[Alpo]

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

20 hours ago, Blackwater 53393 said:

 

YOU’VE BEEN MOONED!!

 

 

 

Hey, you got a new shirt.  Looks good on you. 

[Subdeacon Joe]

13 hours ago, Alpo said:

 

What do you call a non-binary killer?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They/them. 

[Alpo]

Marcel Thibodeau he be going to take his little boy to hunt duck. The little boy, he carry him a twice barrel carabine. Marcel, he carry him a aromatic shoot gun. You know what a aromatic shoot gun is? Dat's a gun what shoots five times unless the warden is close by and den it only shoots t'ree. 

 

Marcel and the little boy, they git  them in the pirogue and they go out on the pond and they wait. Den Marcel, he see him some duck coming. So he put his hand up around his mouth and he go QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK.  

 

And the duck, they turn and head down towards the pirogue. Marcel, he pick him up his aromatic shoot gun and he shoot. Pow pow pow pow pow. Dere wasn't no warden close by. And the duck, he just fly away.  

 

Marcel, he turn around and he hit his little boy upside the head - kaWHAP! And the little boy, he say, "pourquoi you hit me Papá?" 

 

And Marcel, he say, "Don't you know to bow your head when you see a miracle?" 

 

And the little boy, he say, "what miracle Papá?" 

 

And Marcel, he say, "Don't you see dat dam' dead duck fly away??"

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Well suddenly while fishing Boudreaux died. Marie send his obituary into the newspaper. It said Boudreaux died yesterday while fishing. Well the newspaper people called her and said you can put a little more in the paper. You have 10 lines. So the next day the obituary appeared in the paper: Boudreaux died while fishing yesterday. Boat For Sale.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Early one morning, Tee Jean was walking along the bank of Bayou Que de Tortue behind his house. All of a sudden, he noticed that the family outhouse, located right on the bank, was tilting dangerously toward the bayou; the heavy downpour from the previous night had serious eroded the bank where the outhouse was located. Being a boy (and a pretty canaille one at that) and reasoning that the outhouse was beyond salvage, Tee Jean picked up a big stick and whacked the outhouse - really peléed it - and watched as the outhouse toppled over, fell into the bayou, and quickly sank under the muddy waters. A few hours later, Tee Jean's father came up to him and with anger in his voice asked, "Tee Jean, did you knock that outhouse into the bayou?" "Papa," the boy answered, "like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie. I did it." "Mais, Tee Jean, come with me maintenant to the woodshed. You are going to get the whipping of your life!" Tee Jean was shocked by this turn of events and said, "Papa, when George Washington told his papa that he had chopped down the cherry tree, his papa didn't give him a whipping." "Mais no, Tee Jean," said his father, "but George Washington's papa wasn't in that cherry tree when he cut it down, either." 
 

[Sedalia Dave]

On 10/26/2024 at 6:24 AM, Alpo said:

 

You forgot to label the Midol. 

Edited October 27, 2024 by Sedalia Dave

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Q. How is the Mafia version of Christmas different?
A. One Mary, one Jesus, and 32 Wise guys.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Around the 1960s, Pepsi decided to expand its business to China only to find a literal linguistic barrier that almost ruined the whole venture. At the time, Pepsi’s slogan in English-speaking countries was "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation." However, when directly translated into Chinese, the slogan read something like "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead," turning the favorite cola of millions into a powerful dark magic concoction that—as one could expect—wasn’t very well received by the Chinese population, who just happen to hold their deceased ancestors in great esteem.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately -  unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something."
Dick Butkus
"Butkus hit me so hard my body almost liquefied. He helps me up & says ‘You Ok?’
I said, ‘Yeah of course.’
He says, ‘Well if you’re OK, why are you in our huddle?’ He’d hit me so hard I’d followed him into the  Bears huddle. He turned me around & sent me back”
Denver RB Floyd Little

#NFL #bears

 

 

[Sedalia Dave]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

 

x

Edited October 28, 2024 by Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494

[Abilene Slim SASS 81783]

9 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Around the 1960s, Pepsi decided to expand its business to China only to find a literal linguistic barrier that almost ruined the whole venture. At the time, Pepsi’s slogan in English-speaking countries was "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation." However, when directly translated into Chinese, the slogan read something like "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead," turning the favorite cola of millions into a powerful dark magic concoction that—as one could expect—wasn’t very well received by the Chinese population, who just happen to hold their deceased ancestors in great esteem.

I read the exact same story years ago, but it was with the Coke campaign slogan, “Coke adds life.”

[Alpo]

At least I've heard "Coke adds life".

 

I've never heard "come alive with the Pepsi generation" before.

[Rip Snorter]

Actually, in the same era as "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" My recollection is "Pepsi beats the others cold, Pepsi turns it on." Never a great Coke drinker, but disliked / shunned Pepsi.

[Abilene Slim SASS 81783]

1 hour ago, Alpo said:

At least I've heard "Coke adds life".

 

I've never heard "come alive with the Pepsi generation" before.

I remember “The Pepsi Generation”, but not the “Come Alive” part. Apparently it was part of it. Found this:

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepsi_Generation

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Thibodeau, Boudreau and Robichaux are fishing on a lake. They are having no luck. They look across the lake and see a skinny guy walking on water and catching fish they paddle
  
over there and ask him; Who Do You Think You Are?, Jesus Christ? He replies; yes matter of fact I am Jesus Christ. Thibodeau ask Jesus; I have this bad elbow, can you fix that? Jesus rubbed his elbow and fixed it. Boudreau saves JC I have these migraine headaches can you fix that? Jesus laid his hands on his head and his headaches were gone. Robichaux is still sitting in the back of the boat. He says, do not touch me, do not come near me I am on disability income.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes.

"Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella

"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!" 

"And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!

[Subdeacon Joe]

Norse Dad Jokes 

 

https://www.facebook.com/FairiesMythsAndMagic/videos/1071642554558695/?mibextid=NnVzG8

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Little Johnny comes home with four Fs and one D on his report card. He asked his grandfather; what am I doing wrong? Grandfather said; looks like you are concentrating too much on one subject. Little Johnny goes back to school the next day and tells the teacher; I do not mean to scare you but my father said if I do not get better grades somebody is going to get a whipping.

[Alpo]

In line at the grocery store and the little boy pointed out to his mother that the lady in front of them was "as big as a truck!"

 

Embarrassed, Mama tried to shush the kid, when the lady in front's pager went off. Beep beep beep beep beep.

 

And the little boy yells, "Look out Mama, she's backing up!!"

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]