Alpo Posted August 11 Share Posted August 11 Amazing. Good looking yet she has no tattoos or piercings. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted August 11 Share Posted August 11 43 minutes ago, Alpo said: Amazing. Good looking yet she has no tattoos or piercings. Good looking in part because she has no tattoos or piercings. I know that I'm an Old Curmudgeon, but I HIGHLY dislike tattoos on women, and most of them on men. Tattoos on an otherwise attractive woman will make me look away. Same with piercings anywhere except the ears, and there too if there more than one or two. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted August 11 Share Posted August 11 Yaroslavl Pietrovski was getting his eyes checked. Doc: Can you read the bottom line on the eye chart? Yaroslavl: Read it? I know the guy! 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 11 Share Posted August 11 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 On a tv show. you didn’t tell me he’d have a gun. I knew he wouldn’t use it. How did you know? He’s Canadian. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 5 3 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 13 hours ago, Alpo said: Then again every few hours throughout the day! Regards Gateway Kid 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted August 12 Share Posted August 12 Two women went out for a Girls' Night and got a bit too enthusiastic with the cocktails. As they drunkenly stumbled home, they both suddenly realized they needed to pee. Conveniently near a graveyard, one suggested they handle their business behind a headstone. The first woman, without anything to wipe with, decided to use her panties and toss them away. Her friend, wearing an expensive set of underwear, didn’t want to sacrifice hers. Instead, she found a large ribbon from a wreath on a grave and used that instead. Once done, they headed home. The next day, the first woman’s husband called the other and said, “These girls' nights have got to stop. My wife came home without her panties last night.” The other replied, “That’s nothing. Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between her cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, We’ll never forget you!’” 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 On 8/10/2024 at 10:19 PM, Sedalia Dave said: A magician worked on a cruise ship, performing the same tricks week after week since the audience was always new. However, there was one big problem: the captain's parrot. The bird watched every show and eventually figured out how all the tricks were done. Once it caught on, the parrot would start yelling in the middle of the magician's act, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or "He's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything about it—the parrot belonged to the captain. One stormy night, the ship tragically sank, taking almost everyone down with it. By a stroke of luck, the magician managed to survive, finding himself clinging to a piece of wood in the vast ocean. And, as fate would have it, the parrot was there too, floating on the same piece of wood. They glared at each other in silence, the tension thick between them. This went on for a day… then two days… then three… Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot couldn't take it anymore and blurted out, "OK, I give up. Where's the damn ship?" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozark Huckleberry Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 37 minutes ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said: And the old guy’s wife is his own granddaughter. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 While expecting somebody else to pay for it. 1 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 55 minutes ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said: And now, the rest of the story... 2 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH. 1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. 4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. Onced and Twiced are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! 7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom? 8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra. 9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something. 10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. 12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. 13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' 14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. 16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural. 17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal. 18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car. 19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Cajun seasoning, Tabasco, and ketchup. 20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip. 21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name) 22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 23. You know what a hissy fit is.. 24. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! 26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the South. AND one more: 27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done! 3 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Also known as Sweetea, all one word. 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 When I was a kid, tea was sweet. Nobody calls it sweet tea. It was simply iced tea. Referring to it is sweet tea would be like saying that you would like a glass of sweet Coca-Cola. It came sweet. Then maybe 25 or 30 years ago they started having unsweet tea in restaurants, and you had to specify whether you wanted unsweet tea or sweet tea and now everybody is about "oh how I just love sweet tea". It's just iced tea. Quit letting the Yankees change the way you talk. Whoever came up with number 16 is an idiot. You is one, y'all is more than one, and all y'all is a whole bunch. Example: Tommy, did you pull Susie's hair? I know one of y'all three boys on that bench pull Susie's hair. If somebody doesn't confess, all y'all boys going to stay in from recess. Number 18 is just confusing. "You carry jumper cables for use with your own car?" Why else would you carry them? So you can jump off somebody else? So you carry a spare tire in case you come up on someone else with a flat? You don't carry a spare for yourself? Back when I was in high school me and this other guy bought this raggedy old Ford for $25. And the battery was about what you would expect for a $25 car. And I discovered that if you stand out at the side of the road waving cars down, and someone actually stops (and that don't always happen), and you tell them you need a jump, the very first words out of their mouth will be, "do you have any cables?" But if you stand out at the side of the road with a set of jumper cables in your hand, generally people will stop. They might not roll the window down - especially if it's a woman - but they'll pop the hood and let you get a jump. If you've got your own cables. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas Joker Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 5 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Also known as Sweetea, all one word. It's just tea. There is no other kind. Tea without sugar isn't finished fixing yet 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozark Huckleberry Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 16 hours ago, DeaconKC said: 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. 'iced tea' implies there is tea in the South that's not iced. That only happens with carpetbaggers and transplants. 16 hours ago, DeaconKC said: 12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. That's 'backards' and 'fords'. 16 hours ago, DeaconKC said: 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. Sometimes you punch 'em. 16 hours ago, DeaconKC said: 23. You know what a hissy fit is.. People don't 'have' or 'throw' fits, they pitch 'em. You left out pictures -- in the South, you don't 'take' a picture, you make it. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 2 hours ago, Ozark Huckleberry said: You left out pictures -- in the South, you don't 'take' a picture, you make it. And it's a "picher". In Georgia, a traffic light is a "red light". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 10 is incorrect!! There’s breakfast, lunch, and supper!! Dinner is a formal affair for Sunday after church or for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and weddings, anniversaries, and granny’s birthday!! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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