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25 Reasons why beer is better than women

1 - You can enjoy a beer all month long

2 - Beer stains wash out

3 - You don't have to wine and dine a beer

4 - Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football

5 - When your beer goes flat you toss it out and get another one

6 - Beer is never late

7 - A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer

8 - Hangovers go away

9 - Beer labels come off without a fight

10 - When you go to a bar you know you can always pick up a beer

11 - Beer never has a headache

12 - After you're finished with a beer the bottle is still worth five cents

13 - A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer

14 - If you pour a beer right you'll always get good head

16 - A beer always goes down easy

17 - You can always share a beer with friends

18 - You know you're always the first one to pop a beer

19 - Beer is always wet

20 - Beer doesn't demand equality

21 - You can have a beer in public

22 - A beer doesn't care what time you come home

23 - A frigid beer is a good beer

24 - You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good

25 - If you change beers you don't have to pay maintenance

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A couple were doing a little spring cleaning around their house when they found a ticket for a pair of shoes they’d dropped off to be repaired around 20 years ago.

The husband said “Wow, I’d forgotten all about these. You don’t suppose they’d actually still be there at the shoe repair shop, do you?”

The wife said “It’s pretty unlikely, but the next time you’re in town why don’t you stop by and check just out of curiosity.”

The husband puts the ticket in his pocket and says “Hmm, maybe I will.”

A few days later the husband was in town so he stopped by the shoe repair shop to inquire about the ticket.

He pulled the ticket out of his pocket and showed it to the owner and he said “My wife and I found this ticket the other day. I know it’s over 20 years old and we really don’t expect the shoes to still be here, but would mind checking anyway just for the heck of it?”

The owner takes the ticket and says “20 years huh? Alright gimme a second and I’ll check out back.”

The owner returns a few minutes later and says “Well I’ll be darned, they are still here.”

And the ticket owner says “Wow, after 20 years they’re still here huh?”

And the owner says “Yup, they’ll be ready Friday.”

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 .... well, it's Friday again :



The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?” and she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode




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20 minutes ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:


10 to 1 there's a coyote involved...

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One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said... "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on her bust and said.... "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response... So she rolled over and grabbed him by his crotch. With a death grip in place, she said... "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!" 

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One of the Sydney's top cardiac specialists died. 

At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked;
'Why are you laughing, mate?'
'I was just thinking about my own funeral,' the man replied.
'I'm a gynaecologist'........

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