Widder, SASS #59054 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 BEANO starts giving you gas ! The Geisha twins ask if you want a massage or an enbalming ..... ..........Widder
Wyatt Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ya know you're getting....................wait.............what was the question? Coconut cream pie Wyatt
Korupt Karl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Just exactly how are you using the Beano??? I know a friend who bought a gel that was to take the place of viagra and he applied it generously only to later find out he was to take it orally....just sayin. KK
Rose Louise Reasoner SASS #12516 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 And I'm no sissy! But why do I see my mom looking back at me everytime I look in the mirror!
Korupt Karl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 And I'm no sissy! But why do I see my mom looking back at me everytime I look in the mirror! Your mom had to be one fine lookin woman....KK
Amarillo Rattler Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 At the end of Tuesday's practice sessions, your shooting Pards check out where you were at last to see what you left behind, AGAIN!!!! Just ask Cypress Sam, Shadow Bay Johnny, Sunhawk, and Lucky (Always Late) Jake. Amarillo Rattler
Wyatt Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 ..........wait..... you go to visit your Dad at the ALF and the residents think you are his older brother.......... ...........true story..........happened yesterday Wyatt ALF that's Adult Living Facility for you young folks
Virgil Ray Hality, SASS# 37355 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You begin to count the years, rather than decades, by how many false teeth you have.
J-BAR #18287 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When you look at your pill caddy instead of a calendar to see what day of the week it is.
stepnmud#33546 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You go to your friendly gun range and the youngster running the cash register ask if you want the senior citizen discount.
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 ... you ask a 35yearold divorcee where she's been all your life and she replies that she wasn't even born during the first half of it .....
Sour Kraut Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 And I'm no sissy! But why do I see my mom looking back at me everytime I look in the mirror! Apparaently it's a contagious disease...cuz I have the very same affliction.
Krazy Kajun Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Just exactly how are you using the Beano??? I know a friend who bought a gel that was to take the place of viagra and he applied it generously only to later find out he was to take it orally....just sayin. KK On a kind of related note scientists have recently discovered the active ingredient in Viagra is "Fix-a-Flat."
Rose Louise Reasoner SASS #12516 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Your mom had to be one fine lookin woman....KK Karl, she is still going strong at 86 and looking for a man!
Deadeye Dingus Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 The elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Keep away from those," she said, "they're for the funeral." My wife's been baking a lot lately. Is that a sign? Deadeye Dingus
Deadeye Dingus Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 The elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Keep away from those," she said, "they're for the funeral." My wife's been baking a lot lately. Is that a sign? Deadeye Dingus
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Deadeye, those were funny. I think I had heard the first one before but the 2nd one was a new one to me. ..........Widder
Virgil Ray Hality, SASS# 37355 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Deadeye, those were funny. I think I had heard the first one before but the 2nd one was a new one to me. ..........Widder That was perfect!
Hoss Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 An "all nighter" means you sleep all night without having to get up to go to the bathroom! I may not be as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was!
Noz Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When you look at your pill caddy instead of a calendar to see what day of the week it is. Oh, yeah!
Hogleg Hunter Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I noticed I was getting old when older women didn't look so old anymore.
Curley Fryes Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Nasty Newt # 7365 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 ...when admirals and generals start looking like kids. ...when one body part quits hurting and another one promptly steps up to take over.
Trailrider #896 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When you go to your dentist and they have to look up in your records to find out which teeth have NOT been root-canalled and capped! When your wife, who is not 39 (especially with an oldest child who is 44!), but looks great, is mistaken for your daughter! When, as a kid, you used to ride the very Zephyr train that is in the Museum of Science and Industry, in Chicago, and can remember when a pay phone took a single nickel, and when you picked up the phone to make a call, and sound you heard was an operator saying, "Number pleeeze!" When you read the daily comic frame called, "Pluggers", and can relate to almosteverything in the caption. When the line in that song, "...like a ten-cent soda doesn't cost a dime" referred to real sodas! When your folks wouldn't take you to the movie "From Here to Eternity" because you were too young to understand about kissing a girl on a beach...(which you didn't see until years later on TCM!) When the first time you saw a television set was in the lobby of your appartment building on a screen that was about the size of a SMALL radar screen (6-inches maybe), and your folks didn't buy one until you were eight, just in time to see reports from the Korean War, that were only about 36 hours old film! When your folks were still driving a '42 Plymouth they bought right after the War, and the car had a manual throttle you could pull out when you started it. And the dimmer switch for the headlights was a button on the floor. And on and on... Ride easy, folks, but stay alert! Godspeed to those still in harm's way in the defense of Freedom everywhere! God Bless America! Your Pard,
Four-Eyed Buck,SASS #14795 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My first experience with a record player was the big old cabinet Philco that played 78's and had an AM radio in it with that sorta yellowish dial
Four-Eyed Buck,SASS #14795 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When your back goes out more than you do
Marauder SASS #13056 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 . . . When your folks were still driving a '42 Plymouth they bought right after the War, and the car had a manual throttle you could pull out when you started it. And the dimmer switch for the headlights was a button on the floor. Your Pard, What do you mean, the folks? My 46 Ford was like that.
DOUBLE OUGHT HAGEN SASS#74836 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When you and your wife can not have a good argument due to neither one can keep up with why you are arguing.
Shooting Bull Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You know you're getting old when............you start a thread titled "You know you're getting old when..." Sorry Widder, couldn't resist.
Manatee Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Yer gittin real old when you show yer customers yer scars and bruises from operations when they come into the shop rather than the newest firearm in inventory. Yer gitting real old when you buy two screws from Brownells rather than the one you need because yer afraid if you drop one, you'll never be able to bend down to pick it up off the shop floor. Yer definitely gittin real old when the greatest pleasure you have all day is takin' a good pee.
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Oh Great Leviathian: I KNEW beyond any doubt that my thread would drag your carcase out of that easy chair and back on the Wire. We are all glad you're recovering well. Philly: Hey, sometimes....."Resistance is Futile"..... ..........Widder
Shooting Bull Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Philly: Hey, sometimes....."Resistance is Futile"..... ..........Widder I'm still resisting. I figure Sour Kraut's getting old enough for the both of us. (Anybody have a comfy couch I can sleep on? )
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.