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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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I noticed, couple of weeks ago, in the classifieds. Somebody wanted to buy some half chaps.

 

And I read that and I thought - has the net Nanny taken hold? Did he try to write shanks and it wouldn't let him?

 

By the way, you see what it wrote when I tried to write chinks just now.

 

But I think that was more otto than net Nanny.

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2 hours ago, Alpo said:

I noticed, couple of weeks ago, in the classifieds. Somebody wanted to buy some half chaps.

 

And I read that and I thought - has the net Nanny taken hold? Did he try to write shanks and it wouldn't let him?

 

By the way, you see what it wrote when I tried to write chinks just now.

 

But I think that was more otto than net Nanny.

 

I read these otto spelling complaints with wonder and suspicion.  It seems like the same folks repeatedly blaming their poor spelling or bad keyboard skills on the equipment, when the real problem resides elsewhere....

LL

 

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9 minutes ago, Loophole LaRue, SASS #51438 said:

 

I read these otto spelling complaints with wonder and suspicion.  It seems like the same folks repeatedly blaming their poor spelling or bad keyboard skills on the equipment, when the real problem resides elsewhere....

LL

 

I used to think like that. My first three phones. An LG, a Samsung, and an Alcatel. They didn't do autocorrect. And I would see people complaining and I would laugh.

 

Then I bought this piece of crap Motorola. otto loves it here. I don't think he's ever going to leave.

 

I don't know what my next phone will be but I guarantee it will not be another Motorola.

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You really must check Otto before you post ! Its night hsrf!!!🙄

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1 hour ago, Alpo said:

I used to think like that. My first three phones. An LG, a Samsung, and an Alcatel. They didn't do autocorrect. And I would see people complaining and I would laugh.

 

Then I bought this piece of crap Motorola. otto loves it here. I don't think he's ever going to leave.

 

I don't know what my next phone will be but I guarantee it will not be another Motorola.

Otto doesn't live on my computer.

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Many years ago , I was an Overnite support Mgr for a major retailer 

 

 Had an older lady ask about some ammo , did not know what cal she needed 

 

I told her it was marked on the barrel of the firearm 

 

 OK then here , as she pulled a 44 mag super Redhawk out of her purse 

 

  well put that away , I will have the ammo waiting on you at the front check out 

 

  CB 

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His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Bernard ," said His Lordship.

"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."

"What word is that?" asked His Lordship.

"Aplomb," My Lord.

"Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or complete composure."

"Thank you, My Lord, but I'm still a little confused about it."

"Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us?"

"I remember the occasion very well, My Lord. It gave the staff and myself much pleasure to look after them."

"Also," continued the Earl of Grantham, "do you remember when Wills plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?"

"I was present on that occasion, My Lord, ministering to their needs.

"While Will was plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply."

"I witnessed the incident, My Lord, and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief."

"That evening the hole the rose made in his thumb was very sore. Kate had to cut his venison for him, even though it was extremely tender."

"Yes, My Lord, I did see everything that transpired that evening."

"And do you remember the next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate inquired of Will in a loud voice,

'Darling, does your prick still throb?'

….and you, Bernard, did not spill one drop of coffee?

That, Bernard, is complete composure, or aplomb."

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Tarzan comes home to Jane after a hard day’s work in the woods. He asks for a martini. Jane gives him one, he quickly slugs it down. He asks for another so she gives him a second. Then he demands a third. Jane mixes it for him, but then says, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough, Tarzan?”

Tarzan grabs the third drink, swallows it, and says, “You don’t understand, Jane. It’s a jungle out there.”

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The lone gorilla at an Alabama zoo looks sad all the time. The vet tells the staff that she’s lonely and depressed so they need to provide a male to mate with her.

They try all the zoos in the Southeast but there are no male gorillas available. They are about to give up when one of them has an idea. He says he knows of a University of Alabama football player who might be willing to do the deed if the money is good.

They talk to the football player and ask him if he’d have sex with their gorilla for a thousand dollars.

He says “I sure would but you’re going to have to give me a few weeks to get that much cash together.”

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18 minutes ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

Quantum physics ?

No, that is what swaps lids for containers between different homes. It also converts socks into coat hangers and sends 10mm sockets into black holes.

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