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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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1 hour ago, Alpo said:

I'm rolling up on 70 years old. It would not offend me to hear somebody say, "Oh fornicate, this feces is really fornicating good!".

 

I would rather my seven-year-old grandson doesn't hear it though.

 

We used to didn't say things like that on this board. And over the past few years these words have started creeping in. "Oh, we're grown ups. We're not going to be hurt by hearing something like that."

 

But we used to be aware that while a lot of us are old fogies, there are young people in this sport - Young Guns, buckaroos - and it's considered kind of "not right" to use language like that in front of small children. I know lots of people do, but that don't make it right.

I'm no prude and can spew with the best. Still nice to not see it used as punctuation.

 

I'm also not absolutist; there are times when it fits, it is just very rare. Depends on context and purpose.

 

Most forums I am on have standards enforced by the mods, but generally reflect desires of the membership.

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1 hour ago, John Kloehr said:

I'm no prude and can spew with the best. Still nice to not see it used as punctuation.

 

I'm also not absolutist; there are times when it fits, it is just very rare. Depends on context and purpose.

 

Most forums I am on have standards enforced by the mods, but generally reflect desires of the membership.

 

I think some of the loosening here is from videos of various military activities.   So many of the more interesting ones have at least some vulgarity/profanity. 

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3 hours ago, Alpo said:

I'm rolling up on 70 years old. It would not offend me to hear somebody say, "Oh fornicate, this feces is really fornicating good!".

 

I would rather my seven-year-old grandson doesn't hear it though.

 

We used to didn't say things like that on this board. And over the past few years these words have started creeping in. "Oh, we're grown ups. We're not going to be hurt by hearing something like that."

 

But we used to be aware that while a lot of us are old fogies, there are young people in this sport - Young Guns, buckaroos - and it's considered kind of "not right" to use language like that in front of small children. I know lots of people do, but that don't make it right.

 

 

We can also be grown up enough to NOT use such language at all  😇

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An Englishman and a Dutchman are sitting in a pub. The Dutchman says to the Englishman, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?”

The Englishman replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar, and the gals practically throw themselves at me.”

The Dutchman says “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?”

The Englishman replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key fob on Amazon for £10, and the ladies are none the wiser.”

So the Dutchman goes on Amazon and buys the exact same key fob. He then goes to various pubs across London, with no luck whatsoever. A few weeks later, he runs into the Englishman again. He tells the Englishman “Your key fob trick is bogus, I went to at least 20 pubs, no lady looked at me twice, please take this bad luck charm off my hands.”

The Englishman tells him, “Maybe it would work better if you took off your bicycle helmet first.”

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Greatest Invention Ever

So this TV station reporter was interviewing a 103 year old guy known as the "oldest person in the County". Among other things, she asked him what he thought was the "Greatest Invention" of his lifetime. He says "Oh, that's easy. It's the Thermos bottle." The startled reporter says "Really? Why?" The old guy says "It keeps things hot, don't it?" She says, yeah, of course. He says "It keeps things cold, don't it?" Yeah, she says, they do. Right, the old guy says. "How does it know?"

 

🙃

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062
I dunnit wrong
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For today’s lesson, Teacher asks the students to use the word, definitely, in a sentence. Teacher’s pet, Harold, immediately raises his hand and states, “The sky is definitely blue”, to which Teacher replies, “sometimes the sky is grey with clouds”. Next, Teacher’s other pet, Susie, raises her hand and states, “The grass is definitely green”. Again, Teacher has to point out, “sometimes, there is no rain and the grass goes yellow”. There’s a lull as most of the class gets thoughtful, then, from the back of the class, Johnny, who rarely participates, asks without raising his hand, “Teacher, are farts lumpy?” There’s some snickering that Teacher tries to control by replying, “No Johnny, farts are not lumpy.” “Well then Teacher, I definitely crapped my pants.”

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a British ship sank, with only two survivors, both of whom managed to swim to a nearby uninhabited island.

After many months marooned there, another ship sailed by and, seeing a signal from the island they sent a motor boat to investigate, only to find the two survivors each living, independently of each other and never communicating, at either end of their island.

The captain of the rescuing ship was amazed and asked them why they didn’t work together to increase their chances of survival and prevent loneliness etc. Both survivors shrugged their shoulders and said: “We hadn’t been introduced.”

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"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"

So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail, and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy.

The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"

The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason.

The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"

The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."

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On 9/18/2024 at 4:08 PM, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

 

We can also be grown up enough to NOT use such language at all  😇

  • Colossians 3:8 – Put away filthy language from your lips
  • Ephesians 4:29 – Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth
  • Ephesians 5:4 – Obscenity, foolish talk, and crude joking are out of place
  • James 3:10 – Blessing and cursing come from the same mouth and should not be
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1 hour ago, Gracos Kid said:
  • Colossians 3:8 – Put away filthy language from your lips
  • Ephesians 4:29 – Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth
  • Ephesians 5:4 – Obscenity, foolish talk, and crude joking are out of place
  • James 3:10 – Blessing and cursing come from the same mouth and should not be

Or, to put it non-religiously

 

You kiss your Mama with that mouth?

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