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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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Three guys are waiting in a very long line to hopefully get through the Pearly Gates, when St. Peter comes down the line, and starts talking to people in front of them. Pretty soon St. Peter approaches them and says “Today has been a really busy day at the Gates, so I’m letting people go back to Earth for a month, and they can be anything they want to be.”.

A month later two of the guys are back in line at the Pearly Gates. The one asks the other what he did during his month on Earth, “Well, I was a deer in the mountains, with meadows, streams and lakes, it was so peaceful. What did you do?”. “Why I was an eagle, soaring over the mountains, meadows lakes, and streams, it was exhilarating!”.

When they got to the Pearly Gates they both wanted to know what happened to the third guy, who was not there. St. Peter said “He wanted to be a stud, so he’s somewhere in Michigan on a tire, we’ll get around to him later.”.

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"How to operate a Blackburn Buccaneer, low level strike aircraft: "Open throttle, reach take off speed, raise undercarriage, go to full throttle, descend to operating altitude.""

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2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

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Sitting there thinking, "what has the good sub Deacon done to him?", and then I realized you probably meant Brandon

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4 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

"One can't properly judge Wagner's opera "Lohengrin" after a first hearing. And I certainly don't intend to hear it a second time."

Gioachino Rossini

It was outstanding in its field. The further out in the field, the better.

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I never Metamucil I didn't like:(;)

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Here are a few jokes and anecdotes that Red Skelton might have used in reference to John Wayne

  1. "John Wayne was so tough, he once broke a mirror over his own head and got seven years of good luck!"
  2. "You know, I once asked John Wayne if he ever gets tired of being called 'The Duke.' He said, 'Red, I don't mind it at all – it's better than being called 'The Princess!'"
  3. "I had the pleasure of working with John Wayne once. He was so tall, I had to stand on a box just to get in the same frame. And he still looked down on me!"
  4. "John Wayne had a walk that was all his own. They say he walked like that because he had one leg longer than the other. I say it was because he was always in a hurry to get to the saloon!"
  5. "John Wayne made so many westerns, he once told me, 'Red, if I have to ride one more horse, I'm going to ask for a saddle with a cushion!'"
  6. "People always said John Wayne wasn't afraid of anything. But I found out his one fear: he was terrified of running out of coffee!"
  7. "John Wayne could walk into a room and command it without saying a word. I tried that once, but they just thought I was lost and showed me the way out!"
  8. "John Wayne was the ultimate cowboy. I once saw him rope a steer, tie it up, and grill a steak all at the same time. And he did it without spilling his drink!"
  9. "John Wayne had that deep, gravelly voice. When he talked, you listened. When I tried to do the same, people thought I had a frog in my throat!"
  10. "John Wayne was so popular, even his horses had fan clubs!"
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3 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

hold_on_a_damn_minute_640_high_18.jpg

Pass the Eye Bleach!

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Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.

Try as he might, he just could not recall.

Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
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9 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

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Never be the first to pass out...

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humordads-with-kids.jpg.554e3c79cd62472780a96cbec7f8140f.jpg

 

I like this - I found it funny, but I hung my daughter's upside down behind my back till they were in maybe the second grade. And I hung my granddaughters upside down behind my back until they were about 6.

 

If they were older than a second grader they were too long, and with the grand girls I was getting too puny.

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