It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[John Kloehr]

19 minutes ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said:

Wonder if Cohen would have needed spares.

[Alpo]

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."

The man whispers, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.

Boy - "It's dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

Man - Remembering last time, asks, "How much?"

Boy - "$750."

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$1,000."

The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "It's dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again!"

 

 

 

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign that says, "Talking dog for sale." He decides to go in and check it out.

When he gets to the house, he sees a dog sitting on the porch. He asks the dog, "Are you the talking dog for sale?"

The dog replies, "Yes, I am. But before you buy me, you should know that I only tell lies."

The man is hesitant, but he decides to buy the dog anyway.

On the way home, the man asks the dog, "Is it true that you only tell lies?"

The dog replies, "No."

The man is surprised. "I thought you said you only tell lies."

The dog replies, "That was my first lie.

Edited May 18, 2024 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A painter walks up to a church and offers to paint it. The church manager agrees. Business isn’t going well for the painter so he decides to save some money by adding water to thin the paint. He gets a few days in and a massive storm appears out of nowhere with lightning and thunder crashing around him. A booming voice comes from the clouds, “How dare you steal from my church”. The painter screams out, “Lord I’m so sorry, what can I do to save myself?”. The booming voice responds, “Repaint, repaint and thin no more!”

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

18 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

THIS GUY!

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A man buys a Robot and brings it home to his wife and son.
Son: "What is it?"
Dad: "It's a lie detector robot".
Son: "No way!".
Dad: "It really is. Here goes, why weren't you at school today?"
Son: "I WAS at School!"
The Robot slaps the son.
Son: "OK! OK! I snuck out with a friend to watch a movie!"
Dad: "Oh... Which movie was it?"
Son:"...The new one..."Fast and Furious 12"..."
The Robot slaps the son.
Son: "OK! OK! It was a porn movie!"
Dad:"WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PORN WAS!!!"
The Robot slaps the Father.
The mother laughs out loud: "Well, he IS your son..."
The Robot slaps the mother.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[John Kloehr]

24 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Two reasons off the top of my head...

• Carrying long goods like deck boards, rafters, antenna poles, ...
• Launching SkiDoos on a long low-angle ramp

[Texas Joker]

Lowers the angle of drop?

 

Likes taking turns wide?

 

Drop tailgate and transport long stuff without drop chains or trailer lights.

 

Just got photoshop and wants clicks?

Edited May 19, 2024 by Texas Joker

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cOWCyKPdeqo

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.

When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"

"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

"No, Mom, down underneath."

His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."

The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.

As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.

The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."

"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

The man took a deep breath and replied,

"Son, I've spoiled that woman."

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Alpo]

We don't want to use pesticides in the garden. And we certainly don't want to be spraying them in the air. No no. Organic bug removal. That's the ticket.

 

 

 

[Rip Snorter]

Well, without fertilizers, herbicides, and insecticides, a whole lot of the World Population would be going to bed hungry or worse, gradually starving.  

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Equanimous Phil]

2 hours ago, Alpo said:

Organic bug removal. That's the ticket.

And the beer traps works very well in our garden!

Not so confident about the mosquito trap, yet... 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]