It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Ozark Huckleberry]

13 hours ago, Alpo said:

 

Like I said, there ain't no such thing.

Doesn’t this statement contradict your assertion that ‘ain’t’ is a contraction of ‘am not’?

[Alpo]

No. I still assert that ain't is only used correctly as I ain't, or ain't I.

 

I use it incorrectly all the time.

 

I also use double negatives, profanity, and ethnic slurs. All of which are not correct. I know they're not correct. I still say them.

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Ozark Huckleberry]

3 hours ago, Alpo said:

No. I still assert that ain't is only used correctly as I ain't, or ain't I.

 

And you still ain't right.

 

 

[Sedalia Dave]

[John Kloehr]

According to Oxford today, using "ain't" as a contraction for "am not", "are not", "is not", "has not", "have not" are all acceptable for informal use in the definition today.

 

Beyond the current formal definitions, several additional meanings are understood in speech by context.

 

Going back  in time (late 1,600s), "ain't" may have originally meant "are not" and followed very shortly by "am not". Going a little further back, "ain't" came from "amn't" (1618) which was an informal form of "am not"; "Ain't" absorbed and replaced the earlier word almost as soon as the new word came into use.

Edited June 24 by John Kloehr
Clarity

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[John Kloehr]

1 hour ago, Alpo said:

This test was to evaluate readiness for life:

 

https://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/K-12/p_test/1895_Eightgr_test.htm

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

20 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

This test was to evaluate readiness for life:

 

https://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/K-12/p_test/1895_Eightgr_test.htm

That's a great test.

 

Math question number 6 cannot be answered.

Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.

Is that 7% a year, or 7% a month? I used to charge 20% a week when I was loan sharking. Just saying 7% tells you nothing. How is the interest compounded? Daily weekly monthly yearly?

 

They don't give enough information to answer the question.

 

And of course we have math question number seven. Why would they have a question using metrics in an American arithmetic class in 1895?

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

13 minutes ago, Alpo said:

And of course we have math question number seven. Why would they have a question using metrics in an American arithmetic class in 1895?

 

1.) Dealing with European businesses. 

2.) Demonstrating that the student knows how to convert units 

[John Kloehr]

The French ran on the metric system. Pretty much invented it. Had a century of disagreement about it. Was in place for about a century when the above test was written.

 

A little more research shows how the French were instrumental if not critical to success in the Revolutionary war (France hated Britain). And was a very long-term trading partner with the US. Anyone doing business including selling resources (lumber in this case to supply the ship building industry in France) would need to be able to convert between English and Metric units, also convert Francs and (US) dollars.

 

And I will assume per year on the interest rate

 

As to question 5 (just looking for possible presumptions), I assume conventional ton, since metric ton was not specified. Probably FOB from PA. So unloading and transport to point of use not included.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

Here's the content

 

Edited June 25 by Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474

[Eyesa Horg]

4 hours ago, Alpo said:

Bettin' the beer fridge does though!

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Alpo]

[Blackwater 53393]

7 hours ago, Alpo said:

A little run down and dirty, but I remember one very similar to it in Nashville back in the early sixties!!  A regular cheeseburger was $.25!!  Fries were a dime!!

 

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

Top 10 - Best Remarks by Golf Caddies

#10

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."

Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

#7

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"

Caddy: "Eventually."

#6

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."

Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

#5

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."

Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

#4

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"

Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

#3

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?

Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

#2

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."

Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

and the #1 best caddy comment:

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."

Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

[Sedalia Dave]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

    

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a

'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a

thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in

thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the

light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't

honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,

and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of

God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those

loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

;

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him

yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger

stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window

and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that

they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is

when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on

through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection

before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave

them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the

Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord

for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love,,,, grandma