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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

Subdeacon Joe

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12 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Is it possible to be both Pilōsus and Glaber at the same time?

Seems it would be, especially if you're Senex as well.

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 proper Englishman, wandering the heaths of Scotland, walks into a pub.

“My good man,” he says. “I hear you have 100 year-old Scotch. I would love a bit.”

The pub owner takes down a glass and pours an ounce.

After a sip, the Englishman says, “Oh my. My dear fellow! That is 20 year-old Scotch! I am here for the 100 year-old!”

The pub owner shakes his head, pulls another glass and bottle, and pours the libation.

the Englishman takes a sip and declares: “Oh! No! That is 50 year-old Scotch. I want the 100 year-old one. You have it, haven’t you?”

The pub owner, now cowed, pulls down another glass and a dusty bottle. He wipes off the bottle and pours it into the glass.

The Englishman takes a sip and sighs. “Ah. Now that’s the right stuff! Glorious!”

The man next to him nudges him and points to the glass he has pushed over.

“Try that!”

The Englishman takes a sip and spits it out. “Plah! That’s pi55!”

The man replies: “Now tell me how old I am!”

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My landlady, Morgan, is the city’s only female firefighter. I had trouble replacing a lightbulb, just never got it lined up right. Morgan was coming by today so I asked her to try. While she was doing it she said, “how many firefighters does it take to…”

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1 hour ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

That just doesn't pass the sniff test.

Any glitter?

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A Scottish guy wanted a donkey for his young son....he spotted an advert for one for sale so went along to have a look at it.

When he got to the farm the farmer told him.

'I'm really sorry...I'm afraid the donkey died last night'...

'OK....so how much are yee asking for it'?

'Sorry? I just told you it's dead'!

‘Aye...I heerd yee...so how much d'yee want fer it'?

Very patiently the guy explains very slowly.

'The....donkey...is ...dead'.

'AYE...I heerd yee!...Look...I'll give yee £20.00 for it...noo is it a deal or no'?

So the farmer asks ( as you might ).

'what the hell are you going to do with a dead donkey'?

'I'll sell it'!...

'b..b...you can't sell a dead donkey'!

'Watch me'.

So he loads up the dead donkey and goes on his way.

A month or so later the farmer bumped into the guy at the local market.

'How did you get on with the Donkey'?

'I did very well...I got over £6000.00 fer it'!

'WHAT!? How the hell did you do that'!?

'I sold raffle tickets at £10.00 each...I sold 650 of 'em'!

'Sweet Jesus!...didn't anybody complain that the poor bugger was dead'?

'Aye...the guy that won did...so I gave him a refund'.

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