It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

27 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

I don’t know about the rest of the country but a tow strap has been illegal here for many many years.

 

 

 

 ........ so are a lot of other "things" .....   

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, DocWard said:

 

I don't recall if it's been posted here before (it probably has at this point. I wonder what number it is?), But that reminds me of the one about the guy broken down in the minivan

This was an ethnic joke from the late sixties early seventies, but I have changed the description of the guy on the bicycle and it is no longer ethnic.

 

Old guy's riding a bicycle and the chain broke. A hippie in a mustang stops and says he would like to help but his car is full and he doesn't have room for the man, let alone any place to put the bicycle. He does, however, have a rope, and he can tie the rope to his bumper and the other into the bike and tow the man into town. He says that he will drive slow, and if at any time the biker feels they're getting too fast, he should just ring his bell, and the hippie would hear it and slow down.

 

So they drive off in about 20 miles an hour and everything is working fine. Then there's a red light, and they're stopped at the light, and a preppy in a Camaro pulls up next to the hippie, flips him a bird, and guns the engine. Completely forgetting about the man on the bicycle tied behind him, the hippie guns his engine, and when the light turns green they're off.

 

When they blew past the cop at the speed trap he radioed ahead.

 

"There's a preppy in a Camaro racing a hippie in a mustang, and radar says they is doing 115. And you ain't going to believe this. Right behind them on a bicycle is a gray-faced old man ringing his bell trying to pass!"

[Eyesa Horg]

But we still use them! The tow straps that is!

Edited April 3, 2023 by Eyesa Horg

[DocWard]

51 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

I don’t know about the rest of the country but a tow strap has been illegal here for many many years.

 

 

And another joke dies a painful, pedantic death.

[Rip Snorter]

You would not believe the things you see towed here in Montana.  

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

One of the comments: Florida is the only state in the US where you have to drive north to get to the South.

 

 

[Alpo]

55 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

One of the comments: Florida is the only state in the US where you have to drive north to get to the South.

 

 

Got dat right. Up here in the panhandle, we're Southern. Down at the bottom of the peninsula - that's New York and New Jersey. Pure D Yankee.

[Alpo]

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

1 hour ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

 

Not necessarily bad with women.  Ever go to a classic car show or hotrod show?

 

But think about it - both are based on internal combustion. 

[Brazos John]

19 hours ago, LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L said:

Since this is on Easter Island, would that be the Easter Bunny?  

[Cactus Jack Calder]

On 4/2/2023 at 9:34 AM, Sedalia Dave said:

 

I’m stealing this to send to my Nieces husband. He is CPO in USCG Reserve. He was activated for two years right after 911. He is also a Professional Fire Fighter - Lieutenant. An all around good guy.

 

CJ

[Sedalia Dave]

29 minutes ago, Cactus Jack Calder said:

I’m stealing this to send to my Nieces husband. He is CPO in USCG Reserve. He was activated for two years right after 911. He is also a Professional Fire Fighter - Lieutenant. An all around good guy.

 

CJ

 

Tell him for me that I am thankful for his service. 

 

The Navy does like to poke fun at the Coast Guard but we do understand that their job is just as demanding and in some ways a lot more dangerous.

[LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

FEE FEE FI FI FO FO FUM

I smell gunsmoke in the auditorium

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

10 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

Now don't get me wrong. I ain't trying to be anti-christian. But if I recall that story correctly, while Jesus fed the people, he used someone else's food. Right? Somebody had brought lunch - two small loaves and seven little fishes - and Jesus took his food and shared it among the multitude.

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Subdeacon Joe]

10 hours ago, Alpo said:

Now don't get me wrong. I ain't trying to be anti-christian. But if I recall that story correctly, while Jesus fed the people, he used someone else's food. Right? Somebody had brought lunch - two small loaves and seven little fishes - and Jesus took his food and shared it among the multitude.

 

Alpo, I'm  going to ask you to do something that I know will be very difficult for you:  Ignore the minor differences in these two accounts.  They were written by different people, at different times, and meant to emphasize slightly different points.  The main points are the compassion and love Christ has for us, and the sharing of what we have and that by sharing, it is multiplied.

 

From the Holy Gospel according to St. Mark, chapter 8:

In those days the multitude being very great, and having nothing to eat, Jesus called his disciples unto him, and saith unto them,  I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now been with me three days, and have nothing to eat:  and if I send them away fasting to their own houses, they will faint by the way: for divers of them came from far.  And his disciples answered him, From whence can a man satisfy these men with bread here in the wilderness?  And he asked them, How many loaves have ye? And they said, Seven.  And he commanded the people to sit down on the ground: and he took the seven loaves, and gave thanks, and brake, and gave to his disciples to set before them; and they did set them before the people.  And they had a few small fishes: and he blessed, and commanded to set them also before them.  So they did eat, and were filled: and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets.  And they that had eaten were about four thousand: and he sent them away.

 

From the 14th chapter of the Holy Gospel according to St. Matthew:
And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals.  But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.  And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes.  He said, Bring them hither to me.  And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.  And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full.  And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.

 

So He was taking from what could be best described as His company mess and feeding everyone.  Note that it was multiplied, not diminished. 

Edited April 7, 2023 by Subdeacon Joe

[Sedalia Dave]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Brazos John]

2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

Bacon in the Family Pack from Costco!

[Subdeacon Joe]